It was now the following semester. Who’d ever guess? The dean kept his word and I was again a student but now a Math Major. Now, a student again I was no longer embarrassed to join any college activity. Just into the semester, there were two activities that were going to be held. Second’s open week and Kebajikan’s intimacy camp. During the second weekend after the semester had begun, Kebajikan had its second intimacy camp. Unlike last year’s camp, this year it was going to held at Komas, Port Dickson (P.D). For those who don’t know, Port Dickson is a bayside area full with beaches. Let me repeat myself. B.E.A.C.H.E.S, beaches so don’t get any funny ideas. This was my first activity following my return as a student. I was rather excited.
On the morning of that weekend, we were on the bus heading towards P.D. I sat at the back of the bus with Comport, Buyut, Sekoi and Berong. I remember on our way there we spent most of our time making a mockery of Buyut. Buyut was what you could call a compulsive liar. His lies never did any harm to others. He usually lies only to prove that he knows everything about everything. For example, if you said you’ve been here he’d say he’s been there too. If you say you’ve done that, he’d say that he too have done it. In short, you could say that he admits seeing and doing about everything there is to do or see. I’m not sure who did but it was either Comport or Palam but somebody managed to catch him bluffing. Usually when he lies, we just can’t prove it, until that one night.
Like I said, I don’t remember which of the two did it but one of them did. A few days earlier, we were talking about music, bands in specific. We were talking about Nirvana, Metallica, Guns N Roses and others. Suddenly, if I’m not mistaken it was Comport that said,
“Have you heard that new band. Their music is quite good. They got an excellent bass guitarist, a great lead guitarist and their drummer….. Oh he’s Damn good. What’s the name again….. Oh, yeah. Their band is called Sting borders.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard of them. Their song usually comes out on hitzfm right? Oh man, they’re fantastic”, Buyut replied. He fell for the bait. Comport then winked at us. We understood his signal. Palam then went along with what Comport had started. We then continued talking about this so called band for some time. We could only hold our laughter for so long before it would take its toll. We just couldn’t take it any more. We had to let it out before our stomach exploded. Comport then said,
“You wanna know something Buyut?”
“What?”
“Well, the Sting borders doesn’t exist you FOOL! We made it all up. That’s enough of your lies. We just can’t stand it”
Everyone then started laughing. It was then, Buyut was labeled as the compulsive liar.

Back to present time, on the bus we were laughing, criticizing everyone especially Buyut. We were having a lot of fun. As I was joking around with them, I still had my walkman on. Somewhere just before P.D, as I was listening to my walkman, one of my favourite tunes came on. It was ‘Everything I do, I do it for you’ by Bryan Adams. Listening to the song made me sing along with it. Comport, sitting beside me heard me singing. He turned to me and said,
“That’s my favourite song. Let me hear.”
I gave him one of my earphones and we listened to the song together. For your information, during last semester Comport and I became to grow closer. Friends maybe not but we were no longer enemies. The previous semester we spend most of our time in Sawi’s room. It made us see that we could get along. Stop with that glare. There was no hanky panky involved. Listening to song we both began singing. Berong sitting beside us too began to sing. Not long after, everyone from Helang that was in the bus began to singing along.

When we finally got to Komas beach, it was about ten thirty. Everyone got off the bus and we were asked to move into the groups they were assigned us to. I still remember my group mates. They were myself, Parit, Berong, Ayong, Yana, Kasturi and another girl. We named our group ‘Jula Juli Bintang Tujuh’. I don’t know, it was Berong’s idea. The other reason was probably because we didn’t have any other suggestions. So ‘Jula Juli Bintang Tujuh’ it was. Our group gimmick was the song Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I know, it sounds rather pathetic but it was fun. The activity started out with the usual Ice breaking. Besides our group mates, there were also Farouk. She was part of the management committee. And our facilitators were, Bonbon and guess who? You’ve guessed right. You’ve won yourself a free ticket to, buzz off. Just kidding. Yupp, it was Ana. What luck, wouldn’t you say? A whole day with the girl I adore. Shhhhhh!!! Don’t tell anyone about me having feelings for her. It’s our little secret. Remember that. Ok, back to where we were. The next activity on the module was a treasure hunt.
I just can’t forget the treasure hunt. Why, you ask me? It’s simple. Just as the treasure hunt begun, each group received their clue. In a hurry to win we tore open the envelope. There were two pieces of paper. One was folded and the other was folded and stapled. We opened the first folded piece of paper and read it. We then opened the stapled piece. We read what was written on it. It read, ‘If opened, you must carry one of your team mates to the next checkpoint. If their feet touches the ground before the next check point, return to the starting point and repeat your task’. What did they mean by if opened? I then caught a glimpse of what was written on the back of the paper. It was written ‘Do not open. If you wish to do so, continue on your own risk’. What the heck. Oh my god. Why did we open the piece of paper? Everyone in my group then smack themselves on the head. It was a sign of regret. Or was it stupidity. Well, same difference. From there we took it as a lesson to read the instruction first before opening any more clues. So we did what we were asked to do. We found two long sticks. A couple of pieces of cloth and made our selves an instant stretcher. Yana was the lightest in our group so it goes without saying. She was the one to be carried. During the entire treasure hunt we were told to do many tiring and embarrassing tasks. For example; we had to walk to the next check point blind folded, sing songs and that kind of stuff. During that activity, I remember hearing Comport and Buntal joking around from beginning to end. They were quite hilarious. When the treasure hunt was over everyone felt relieved. As we waited for lunch, we played a few games. They were ‘buaya biawak’, ‘tekukur ketitir’ and ‘red lolly yellow lorry’. For me I thought that the ‘red lolly yellow lorry’ game was rather unfair. It must’ve been some kind of conspiracy to see me lose. They knew that I can’t pronounce the letter ‘R’ correctly and took advantage of my disadvantage. Even though I pronounced it as correctly as I could still they disqualified me. You guys wait and see. This speech impairment boy will have the last laugh HAHAHAHAHAHA…. Laughing was easier. It didn’t have the letter ‘R’ in it.
We then had lunch. Everyone took their meals and sat where ever they felt comfortable. I took a seat facing towards the sea. Watching it just calmed my nerves. As I was sitting alone, Sekoi came and sat beside me. We sat there eating our meals as we stared at the open sea. After lunch we continued our activity. Next on the agenda was a sand castle competition followed a race. What race? Ok let see. We were given old newspaper, scissors and tapes. We were then asked to choose some one from our group to be a princess. From the old newspaper, we were told to make our princesses their royal gown. The men took charge of building the sandcastle and left the designer wear to the ladies. After building our castle we were then asked to give a brief presentation of it. Meanwhile, our so called princesses were asked to race in their designer outfits. Seeing them run was quite funny. I wouldn’t mind watching them run again.
The rest of the evening was left for us to do anything we wanted. Some of us took pictures. Some of us played around. I myself went for a brief stroll down the beach then headed back to where we left our bags. I then sat there taking a short break. The whole day was fun but tiring. Not long after, rain began to pour. Those who were far away from the shelter didn’t make it in time and got themselves soaked. That included almost everyone. I on the other hand was dry. The main reason was because I went for a BRIEF stroll because I saw the clouds and knew it was going to rain. Any fool that paid attention to the sky would’ve known that the rain was coming. That’s why I headed to the shelter and rested there. Those who saw leaving for the shelter earlier thought I was too tired or something like that. Like I said earlier, this time I was going to have the last laugh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…… I think that’s just about enough laughter.

Our ride home was suppose to arrive about 7p.m but seemed to be detained. At first they planned to have dinner on the way back but due to the circumstance, everyone decided to have dinner here. We went to a near by restaurant. Everyone else sat together by joining tables as they ate. Sekoi and I did differently. We were too tired to join them or to even simply converse. So we bought ourselves some burgers at sat at the far end of the restaurant. We sat away from the crowd. We wanted to clear our mind and also rest our heads. We wanted solitary. A bit of peace and quiet.
We minding our own business, simply enjoying our burgers and drinks when suddenly from behind me, someone shouted out,
“Gb, Sekoi what are you guys doing here alone huh? Some kind of scandal?” It was Surya and she wasn’t alone. Ana was with her. I was stunned. I was also speechless.
Surya then asked me to scoot over so Ana and she could join us. So I did. They ordered drinks and Roti Canai. They said that they didn’t have much money on them. As they dined with us, they went on talking and talking and talking. Sekoi and I were just too drowsy to pay any real attention. The only attention I was paying was to Ana. A bit dazed but I manage to focus on her. Everything was fine. That was until something that they said caught our attention. They said,
“Why are all men Stupid?”

What??? Did we hear that correctly? I faced Sekoi and he faced me. The both of us were offended by that remark. We turned to them and I replied,
“Please repeat that again. Why are all men dumb, you say? What do you mean by all men are dumb?”
“Well there’s this guy one of us like but I don’t know if he’s dumb or simply blind not to see what’s right in front of him.”
They then explained that there was a guy that one of them liked. They said that they had already given him signals, a green light to pursue the person but he didn’t even a make move. We then got into this huge spat about what they said. We told them to rephrase what they said. They can’t blame the whole male gender because of this one guy. What if, every guy did the same because of their bad experience with a girl? What would come of the world? Loneliness would be all that was left. This debate went on and on until it was finally time to leave. Hearing earlier that they were broke, I took the liberty of paying for their meals too. We then headed back to the shelter. As we waited for the bus, the participants had to put on a show for the facilitators. At first it was to be more of a competition between groups but we changed the rules and decided to do only one show. We over ruled the facilitators. Yahoooo ...... just ignore my outbursts. I’m just trying to entertain myself. We did a short comedy reflecting the so called new and improved security system in UPM. After our short play, prizes were handed out for the winners of each activity. To our surprise, ‘Jula Juli Bintang Tujuh’ was announced the best group. We won the award because of the way we handled ourselves earlier when we accidentally opened the stapled letter. We didn’t panic but adapted. The bus then arrived some time between 10p.m to 11p.m that night. We then left towards home.

It was time now for Second’s open week. As the previous years, Helang was put in charge of assembling the stalls, canopies and performance stage. For the residents of Helang, forced labour was empowered. This usually takes about 2 or 3 days depending on the workforce. At first, we would have to move the equipments from the storage room to the parking lot. This usually is a half a day’s work. The next stage is the assembling. Assembling the stall isn’t very difficult but tiring. It usually takes a whole day to assemble everything. After assembling, the wiring for the stall is placed. This takes up another two or three hours. The stalls are then equipped with tables and chairs. When that’s done, everything is ready to go. I remember this year’s open week a bit more clearly than last. Unlike last year, this year I did a bit more participating. Like previous years, Helang opened a burger stall. What made me remember this year’s open week was because of its Dikir Ria Competition. During the entire week, just before midnight, we’d begin training for the Dikir Ria. Seeing that the Dikir Ria was held on the closing day, we had about a week’s worth of practice. Comport was an active member of Helang. When competitions like these were held, he’d usually be the first to enter but this year was exceptional. This year he was among the top 7 handling the Dikir Ria. Being part of the management disallowed him to participate. During this semester, as you all should’ve already known, I was recently just reinstated as a student. This time I was going to make sure I stayed one. So instead of working at the burger stall, I spent most of my time studying. During this week, Ayong, Ayu, Farouk and I had just become friends. So, as I studied at the study hall, they’d accompany me. We spent most of our nights just chatting. I remember the first night when Farouk first greeted me. I was studying alone when some one shouted out,
“Yo man, whatcha doin?”
I turned to see who it was. Was I surprised. I thought it was some one from Helang but it was Farouk. Farouk was this junior from RajaWali. She was a friend of Ayu and Ayong. We met at Kebajikan’s camp the week before. As I spent my time talking to the three of them I could see Ana constantly by Comport’s side. They were both top 7 of the Dikir Ria. So they spent a lot of time during that week organizing the contest.
Remember when I said that Tapir, Cipan and Sawi helped a lot during my unemployment? Well during the open week, they opened a stall of their own. The opened a food stall varying from, Kuew Tiaw to Mee Bandung and also drinks. It was my turn to return the favour. When ever they needed more supplies, I’d be their errand boy. I would run all over town searching for the supplies needed. I remember even carrying a three feet tall bag of ice simply on a motorcycle. Trust me when I say it isn’t easy. There were times when my hands actually froze up. There was also an advantage of me helping them. They supplied me with free lunch, dinner and supper. Helping them, did wonders for me and my limited budget for the semester.
It was a Friday evening and I was having a free meal at Tapir’s stall. Suddenly Surya and Ana came and sat aside me. They joined me for a drink. As we drank (tea ok, not alcohol), we continued our previous conversation at Kabajikan’s camp. Then Sekoi came along. His timing was excellent. Now I had somebody to back me up. Soon after, Kak Ina, Esah, Liza, Toyon and few other girls arrived. No fair, this was an uneven battle. Still, both Sekoi and I managed to stay our ground. I remember before everyone else arrived, when it was just me, Surya and Ana sitting there. I remember her saying that she needed to wear glasses but didn’t want to. So she never wore them.
As the whole bunch of us was talking Ana’s younger brother came. She then got up and left. Her brother didn’t look much like her. There wasn’t much resemblance. As she left, I wondered. Was there really nothing between Comport and her? Not along after, everyone else began heading back to their rooms. It was almost dusk.
It was the end of Second’s open week and the closing ceremony was held. On the closing night, the Dikir Ria Competition was held. Unlike the rest of the other Block’s performances, Helang’s was rather unique. During our practice, we didn’t concentrate much. So during the final minutes before the competition we decided to do freestyle. All the other representatives did their performance in sync. When we up, everyone couldn’t stop laughing. Why? Didn’t I just tell you? Ok, I’ll say it again. We did our own individual style. To meet the quota for each block, we had to bring in our chefs that were cooking at the time. They left the stall and joined in. With their apron on, one hand holding a ketchup bottle and the other a spatula, we did our performance. One of our performers was even wearing a long haired wig. Dikir Ria is usually preformed while sitting but we featured a Dikir Ria of our own. As the musician played the tune, we got up dancing, doing The Train from the stage to the audience and back on the stage. Everyone there couldn’t stop laughing.
As you all probably guessed, we lost. We had the lowest marks for harmony, rhythm and sync. Even though losers, we manage to win the audience with the trademark ‘Menghiris Kalbu’. We didn’t intend to compete but entertain. You could say that we achieved our objective.

The week ended. It marked the beginning of our month of fasting. During the fasting month all sort of things happened. It all began at this class Sekoi, Bayam and I was taking. It was this elective subject we took as backup to maintain our CGPA. The class was on Wednesdays from 4 to 8 p.m. I’d hitched a ride with Sekoi. Because of the fasting month, we allowed to go back around 7.15 p.m to break our fast. This one day, class finished a bit late leaving us enough time to buy food but not enough time to get back to our rooms. So we broke our fast beside the road just in front of Taikaly’s. Sekoi and I sat there eating, we reflected back on our lives. Reflecting back on what fate had brought us. As we talked, the subject of this club came up. The name of the club was the Broken Hearts Society (Kelab JiwaLuka). Sounds kind of funny doesn’t it? I heard of the club back when I was in my first year but didn’t know what it was all about. Wanting know I asked Sekoi how could I learn more about this club. He told me to meet Kuder. So I figured why not.
During this fasting month, I spent my dinner and ‘sahur’ with Kuder, Palam, Bayam, Cirit and sometimes with Nalla and Punai. We’d buy our own food and break our fast at Kuder’s room. Then around 5 a.m we’d have ‘sahur’. One night, as Kuder was playing his guitar I went to join him. I sat there listening to him play. He was quite good. I then asked him how he got to be that good. He then told his story. After he broke up with his girlfriend he devastated. Try to imagine this, they were sitting side by side having lunch. As they were feeding each other, out of nowhere she then asked to break off. The only explanation she gave was that it wasn’t meant to be. He was frustrated. For some reason, he found serenity listening to others play the guitar. He then decided to learn. Within two month he was already able to play. After telling his tale, he asked to hear mine. So I told him.
Seeing that we were into a conversation, I asked him about the club. I asked about its existence. Whether or not it still existed. He told me that it still did. He then told me how the club got started. I inquired him on how would I be able to join it. He then informed me that the club was short of members and automatically elected me as the second Vice President for the Club. He said that I had the integrity and spirit that the club need. He also added, referring to my track record, I was more than qualified. He was the President of the club and said that he just recently elected Palam as his first Vice President. That was the beginning of a new era for the club. The following day, Kuda, Palam and I went into a meeting. We then discussed and elected the other four top 7 of the club. A few days later, all top 7 had their first meeting. The agenda was further plans for the club. The years before, the club was opened only to those of Helang but we decided to expand its horizon. We decided to open it to everyone in Second. We then began to set up banners to promote the club. We also had a club email where people could correspond with us. The problem was we wanted to keep the name of the top 7 a secret from others so we needed a plan. After thinking it over, Sekoi was elected as our spoke person. He would be the middleman between us and everyone else so our identities would be sealed. Why did we want our identity to be a secret? Easy. Among the objective of the club was to have a problem free environment. A place where we could simply talk and confide in each other. A club that would help its members in anyway that was possible. The club’s function was for each member to look after each other. We didn’t want nor need any controversies. We didn’t want power struggles to exist for that was going against our primary objective. Just say if everyone knew who the leaders were some will contradict their qualifications. Some might be unsatisfied with those in charge. To prevent this, we kept the leaders identity a secret. If they don’t know who’s in charge, they can’t contradict or even put a person to blame. It’s like blaming a ghost. We received many responses through our email. All of them asking about and requesting to join the club.

It was the second week of our fasting month. Palam and I were making cards for our friends. I can’t remember what started us but we had a sudden idea to make specials Raya cards for those who were special to us. I think you know what I mean. To think about it, I do remember what made us start our plan. One night, Palam, Kuda and I were reminiscing about the past. We recalled on how we were during our first year. As we recollected our memories, a name came to mind. The name was Suriani. She was this girl we knew during our orientation week. As you know, each batch there’s always a beautiful girl that every junior just love watching. A star that out shines the rest. A simple life of the party. In our case, it was Suriani. Palam had a thing for Suriani. Well, not just Palam but most of the boys in Second did. The story went like this. This girl was adored by if not all, many but no one dared to make a move. Everyone just talked about it but wasn’t brave enough to actually do it. As time passed, we received news that she was finally going steady some one. She went with this boy also from Helang. Not to belittle this boy, but if compared to others in Helang, there were far many more good looking, wealthy and even kinder boys than him but why him? What did she see in him? We then received news that this boy was the only one that dared to go after her while the rest just sat at home talking about it. I also remembered what Ana said at Kebajikan’s camp, “Why are all men Stupid?” remembering the story about Suriani made me realize that men probably were. Why do I say that? Well if you really want something so bad how could you simply watch it slip away without any effort to obtain it? Letting it slip away is to do something stupid. The whole thing got us rallied up. So we decided that we’d rather fail trying than to simply fail. We then came with the idea to initiate our efforts with simple cards. That was the first step. Palam at this time was trying win over this girl that worked at a nearby restaurant. So the card he made was for this girl. What happened between the both of them? Lets just families objected. Actually the girl’s mother and brother didn’t allow it to happen. That’s a different story.
I on the other hand decided to actually initiate my feelings for Ana. I gave her two no, actually three Raya cards that year. The first one was a small and simple card with a poem in it. You can see the poem I wrote on the official broken hearts t-shirt we designed. Our top 7 loved the poem so much that they used it as a design for the t-shirt. I then sent her a second Raya card. Like Palam’s first, my second card was quite huge. It was a hand made card. On the cover I drew a picture of a simple clock. Inside the card, was written another poem. I don’t exactly remember what poem I wrote. Usually I’d make a back up for every poem I’ve written but in this case I didn’t. It was meant for her eyes only. So you could say that she has the only copy of the poem I wrote for her. And on the opposite of the poem was a butterfly. In the wings of the butterfly I wrote the lyrics of the song ‘To be with you’ by Mr. Big. Oh yeah, forgot to tell you. Both cards were unsigned. So don’t tell anyone who sent them. Shhhh….. Let it be our secret. And the third card I sent was not only to her but to all my friends. They weren’t actually cards. They were part of a tree that I took and simply wrote ‘Selamat Hari Raya’ and signed by myself. I did this to avoid suspicion. I figured that if all of them got a card from me I wouldn’t be a suspect when they tried finding out who sent the earlier cards to her. Who else knew I sent the cards to Ana? Besides Palam, only Sekoi knew. Comport might have suspected something but he didn’t really know. Before I sent the cards I wanted to make sure I wasn’t moving on Comport’s girl so I asked him his relationship with Ana. He said that they were simply friends. By this time, Sekoi and I had become close friends. So before I sent the card, I showed it to him and ask for his opinion. He told me to go ahead with my efforts so that’s what I did. Let me see if there’s anyone listening. Ok, line clear. Shhh…… So don’t blame me, blame Sekoi. Remember, blame S.E.K.O.I. Let’s get back to the story.
After I sent the cards, I just couldn’t sit still. I wondered what her reaction would be. Did she like it? Did she hate it? I had no way of knowing or finding out her reaction without blowing my cover. So I just let it be. During that semester, I memorized Ana’s class schedule. I knew what time she’d leave for class and what time she’d be back. Every evening, I would just watch from Helang as she walked by Merpati’s corridor on her way back to her room. Even though she was walking through the field, before she was anywhere near Second I still could recognize her. I was able to recognize her walk even from a mile away. Wearing her favourite tiger like striped scarf made it much easier to recognize her from a distant.

Soon it was the Raya holiday. Two weeks of holiday. During that whole time all I could think about was only her. I had Ana on the brain. I was getting love sick. Was that even possible? Anyway after the holiday came to an end, I needed to know her response. I had to find out, so I did. It was during this preparation for the Raya celebration dinner that night. I was in the kitchen assisting Kak Ina. Kak Ina was presently elected as a MTM. She was in charge of handling the food. As we were getting things prepared when I manage to pull her aside and ask her,
“Kak Ina, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, what is it?”
“Well, I wanna ask. Did Ana receive a huge Raya card several weeks ago?”
“Oh yeah, she did. Why?”
“Well, do you know what she thought of it?”
“Ooh. She loved it. She simply adored it.”
Hearing her reaction at first I began to feel as if I was on cloud nine. Then Kak Ina continued,
“Still….. She was rather surprised that Comport would give her such a card”
“WHAT??? COMPORT???”
What just happen? How come Comport’s name kept on appearing every time I tried to make a move on her? I remember before seeing Sekoi, I asked Comport whether there was anything going on with him and Ana. He said no. That’s why I dared send the card. But now why does his name keep on appearing? Seeing my astonishment which was written all over my face, Kak Ina must’ve read between the lines because she then asked whether it was me that sent the card. I then confessed and told Kak Ina the whole story. As I explained she listened. After I was done, she began telling Ana’s story. She told me that Ana still had feelings for Comport. She told me how Ana cried when she saw Comport talking intimately with Danor. Danor was a girl Comport was hitting on for a while but just wasn’t right for him so he stopped. Danor is currently Mantoi’s girlfriend. Hearing Kak Ina’s story I knew I had no chance. So I made Kak Ina promise to keep the whole thing about me sending the card a secret. Sadly, I returned to Helang to meet with Comport but he wasn’t in. So I sat by the first floor ledge simply starring into the sky. An hour later Comport returned. He was still walking from his bike when I called out from,
“Woiii!! Comport, can you come here for a while. I want to talk to you about something.”
He heard me and nodded. I’m not sure whether Comport was afraid of me or not but he sure took his time coming to where I was. When he finally got there he asked me if he’d done something wrong. I laughed and then told him the whole story. I told him how much in love Ana was with him. I also told him that if he wanted, I’d let him take credit for the card I gave Ana. Again he stressed out what he had told me before. He said that he considered Ana simply as a friend and that he would never take credit for something he didn’t earn. That very moment brought me and Comport to become the friends we are today.
Later that week, as I was studying at second’s discussion hall, Kak Ina came to me. She said that she needed my help. Help? What kind of help I asked. She told me that Ana asked her to be the middle person between her and Comport. You could imagine my surprise. Hey…. What a coincidence. Anyway, she wanted to know where she stood in Comport’s eyes. Kak Ina wanted me to find out. I then told Kak Ina what Comport told me earlier that week. Still she wasn’t satisfied with the answer and wanted me to ask him again. What??? She wanted me to get involve?? Oh no…. No can do. Is she out of her mind @$%!*&@#!$. I then told Kak Ina that it was too embarrassing for me to ask again. It was too painful. I also asked if she was trying to make a mockery out of me by putting me in that situation. Having heard me ask, she began to laugh. She said that she forgot about my situation. Yeah right. As if I don’t know when somebody is trying to be sarcastic. Come on, I’m the king sarcasm. Kak Ina later tried to wiggle out the name of the top 7 of the broken hearts society from me. Good luck trying. I’m never going reveal who they are. Wait a minute. I think I just did earlier, but who cares. Nobody’s going read this anyway. I told her that it was privileged information. I too wasn’t in liberty to say. As we were discussing a solution to this agenda, Ana and Surya came from behind and surprised us. Oh my god, just as we spoke of the devil…… They were on their way to a meeting. They were part of a board hosting Second’s Annual Award Ceremony Dinner. Kak Ina then gave some lame excuse and left me hanging there. Before she left, she asked me to translate of piece paper that she had given. Nice job, leaving me to the lions like she just did. I tried to stop her from leaving. At the moment, I didn’t want to be alone with Ana and Surya. I knew what they were capable of doing. As I went to stop Kak Ina, they came beside me and held me down, making sure that I couldn’t leave. Hmmm… if this was a bondage situation I wouldn’t mind (hold your horses, I’m just joking), but it wasn’t. They then began taunting me. They wanted to know who was the second vice president (VP II) for the broken hearts society. It was I of course but I kept quite. That was privileged information. Are nuts? Doing you actually think that I would give myself away? NEVER!! They pestered me nonstop trying to get it out of me. I made all types of excuses. I told them I didn’t know. I denied every allegation they threw at me. I knew why they wanted to know. I forgot to mention it earlier. The cards I gave Ana, weren’t unsigned but signed by the second vice president of the broken hearts society. Still it was nameless. They suspected that Comport sent the card so that meant they thought Comport was the VP II. They wanted confirmation to their theory. They had it all wrong. Thank God.
When I finally manage to escape them I hurried back to Helang. As I was heading back I saw Kak Ina meeting with Comport. Comport was telling her his side of the story. I went up to her and gave her back the paper she gave me earlier. Luckily found her trying to resolve the situation with Comport. If I had found her hanging around with someone else, she’d get when heck of lecture for leaving me in such situation. By the way, I finished translating the paper during the interrogation by Ana and Surya. I then headed back to Sekoi’s room and told him what had happen. Sekoi and I were confidants. Not long after, Comport came up to Sekoi’s room. He then told us what had happen. This semester was a starting point where Comport, Sekoi and I became the closest of friends.
A few days later, I received news that Ana’s cried her eyes out after hearing Comport’s reply. I felt sorry for her. I wanted to comfort her but at the time I wasn’t suppose to know anything about them. It was suppose to be their secret. So I kept low and a distance from them. I thought life was going to continue as usual but a couple of days later, Kak Ina told me that my cover was blown. She said that Ana saw the piece a paper I translated for Kak Ina and compared handwritings with the card I sent her. See then knew I was the one that sent her the card. What was I to do? How I am supposed to deal with this. When push came to shove, I decided to confront her.
I remember the day I went to meet her as clears as if it was yesterday. Wait a minute, was it yesterday? Hmmm… ok, it wasn’t. It was the month January. It was around a week later. That week there was a convocation carnival being held. I walked up the stairs of Enggang and asked a girl waiting by the phone booth to call Ana down. As I waited, Hana and Az saw me. Az was this ‘adik angkat’ of Comport. Both Hana and Az were on their way to meet Comport and head towards the carnival. Hana then ask me to join them. She said that Az would be busy talking to Comport and that meant leaving her alone. So she wanted me to accompany her. I then told Hana to head along first and I will catch up with them. I told her that I had to take care of some personal business first. I felt so nervous waiting for Ana to come down. As I waited, I tried think of a line say to her. I was trying to find the words to explain. A couple of minutes later she had arrived. When she arrived; she wasn’t alone. Surya was with her. Oh my God, how was I going to start the conversation? Expecting to meet her alone was tarrying all by itself, having a witness to our up coming conversation was no less then dreadful. I am supposed to explain or express myself with someone listening beside us. It was too embarrassing. Things had to be said, so I then said what ever was at the tip of my tongue. I told her about the card. I told her that I sent it. I told her that I was the one who had feelings for her. She sat there listening. When I was finally done explaining, I asked for her thoughts. It was then she dropped a bomb on me. She said that she thought Comport, Sekoi and I planned the whole thing including the card simply to play around with her feelings. WHAT?? Play around with her feelings. Did she really believe we could be so cruel? What have we ever done to her to make her believe so? Were we really as cruel hearted as she took us for? If we were, I guess we should change professions to bank robbers or something more terrifying. I set the facts straight. I told her that her conclusion was far from the truth. I told her that I really meant what I wrote. I told her that there were no false intentions. If it was wrong to have feelings for her blame me, not Comport nor Sekoi. They didn’t have anything to do with me sending the cards. I tried my best to explain and make her believe. I’m not sure if in the end she believed me or not but it was the truth. After two hours trying explain it was already midnight. I got up and headed for Helang. All I could do was hope for the best.
When I got back to Helang, Comport asked me where I’ve been. He said that Hana waited for two hours than finally left. Oh Man! I forgot about Hana. I ask Comport for Az’s phone number and called her up. I asked to speak with Hana. When she picked the phone her voice sounded really angry. I apologized to her but she still seemed rather angry. So I promised to make it up to her. I promised to buy dinner the next day about 9 o’clock. I then went Sekoi’s room and told him what had happen this time. I told him how everything turned out. I was stumped. This is truly a head smashing experience. I was only able to get a wink of sleep that night. The following day, about 7 p.m, I was drowsy. Only a couple of hours worth a sleep the night before left me half awake yet half a sleep. I was too tired. I needed to take a nap. Seeing my appointment with Hana wasn’t until another 2 hours I told Comport to wake me up a quarter to nine. I wanted to rest a while. I then went to bed. Comport misheard that night. Instead of waking me up at 9, he woke me up at 10. Not again. I hurried to Pakya to see if Hana was still there but she wasn’t. Feeling guilty because breaking a promise for the second time with only ten bucks in my pocket I headed to KFC (Kentuky Fried Chicken) and bought a dinner set. I then went to the MTM’s room and met Kak Ina. I then passed the meal and a small note attached to it. I left a note apologizing for repeating the same thing twice. This just wasn’t my week. Seeing that the finals were near, I had academic problems, girl problems and just recently, after finishing my 10 bucks I also had financial problems. As usual I went to Sekoi’s room and we talked as we did every night. You could say that we had the same problems that semester. That was probably the reason Sekoi and I became so close, so quickly. We’d discuss our problems and try finding solutions. We also help to remind each other from time to time about our responsibilities. Another problem I had was gaining back my parents trust. After dropping out almost a year ago, I lost all of their trust. I was now trying slowly to gain it back.
That semester during the finals, I lost it completely. I put down a notice at Helang’s notice board. It read ‘Don’t disturb me. If you see doing something crazy like singing by the side of the road or lying down in the middle of a field just ignore me.’ I remember it because one night, Comport read the notice. I was in Sekoi’s room at the time. We were finishing our assignments. Comport came to the room and began bugging me. He said that I was all talk. I didn’t dare do those things. So I told him to shut up and watch me. I picked a pillow and headed towards the field. I then lied down. Twenty minutes later, I came back to the room leaving the pillow in the field. Comport and Sekoi just watched as I entered the room. Comport then asked what I was doing back so early. I then answered,
“There are too many mosquitoes down there.” Listening to my response both Sekoi and Comport began to laugh. I too started laughing at myself. Thinking about what I did, it was actually kind of stupid.
Just before the semester had ended I wrote Ana a letter explaining everything. I wanted to make sure that she understood how I felt. I wrote everything down in the letter. This holiday, Comport was going to spend it at my house. He was taking a subject during the term break.

During that holiday, Comport spent most of his time at my house. He’d go to class during daytime and spend the nights at my house. During this holiday Comport and I began growing closer. The differences we once had during our first year was becoming yet another distant memory.



















Year Three – Stabbed in the heart


It was now my third year in UPM. I remember what happen during the previous holiday. Like I said, Comport stayed at my house. There we built ourselves a bond of friendship. Also during the holiday, I kept contact with Ana. Once every week for eight weeks I’d call. We’d talk for about an hour or two each time I called. I remember calling her simply to talk. Ok, maybe not just to simply talk. I wanted her to see my sincerity. Just before the holidays came to an end, she said that she was returning to UPM. She was coming back by bus. As we talked, I found out that it was her first time returning by bus all alone. I then asked her whether she knew how to get from K.L to UPM. Of course I was just joking around but her reply shocked me. She said that she was able to find her way. She then continued by saying that the bus depot from where she’d get off to the bus stop heading to UPM wasn’t that far. She said it only about 1 kilometer in distance. What?? One kilometer? That just wasn’t right. The real distance was about a mere hundred meters or so. I then offered to accompany her from K.L. First she refused so I didn’t argue much. But after I had recently put down the phone, I felt a bad vibe. My heart was giving me a bad feeling so I called her again. I told her that I would wait for her there. Again she declined my offer. This time I was persistent. I said that I would be there no matter what. It was up to her if she wished not to acknowledge me or not, when she got to K.L. Still, I was going to be there to make sure she arrived safely even if it was from a mere distance. Finally she agreed. The day she was due to arrive, I sent Comport back to Second. He had some errands to do. I then headed towards the bus stop heading to K.L. Comport saw me from a distance walking through the field. He then came running after me. He said that he too wanted to go to K.L. How was I supposed to get myself out of this? You see, even though Comport was a guest at my house, I didn’t tell him everything. I didn’t tell him that I was picking up Ana that day. I was embarrassed. I then told Comport that I was meeting a friend so when we got to K.L, we’d go our separate ways. When we arrived, we did as planned, going separate ways. Ana’s bus departed from Ipoh at 2 p.m. and would be arriving two and a half hour later. I got there about an hour and a half early. I did so simply to be on the safe side.
It was 10 minutes to 4.30 and Ana’s bus was soon to arrive. Suddenly Comport came back and saw me still waiting. This time he said that he’d accompany me till my friend came. I panicked. What was I supposed to do? Afraid of what might happen if Ana him there, I told him the truth. Finally he understood why I wanted him to stay a distance and got on a bus back to UPM. A few minutes later Ana arrived. The bus Comport went on had left. At least the bus I saw him go on left. It seems that he got off that bus and went on another. He went on the bus that was parked right in front of where Ana and I were standing. It wasn’t until I saw did I begin to panic. He was standing on the bus facing towards us. I panicked again. I asked Ana if we could catch another bus because that bus was already full. At first she agreed but she must’ve seen something on the bus to change her mind. She then insisted we go on that bus. I tried sweet talking her out of it but her mind was made up. So we got on that bus. As we entered I was at total lost. When we had entered she saw Comport standing right in front of her. I didn’t know what to say. So I held up my hands and said,
“Eh, Comport! What are you doing here?”
That was the worst act of my life but like I said, I panicked. When we finally got back to Second, Ana headed to Enggang while Comport and I headed back to my house. The entire journey to my house, Comport taunted me none stop. He kept on bring up the subject of me not telling him that I was going to pick Ana up. He said if we weren’t staying under the same roof it wouldn’t matter but we were. Things got more embarrassing after he told my brother and sister the whole story. My sister then told my mom. Soon my whole family knew what happened. I curse Comport for telling my family. So remember, don’t let Comport near your families. If you do, you’ll regret it. Hahahahahaha….
Ana and Comport were amongst those elected as facilitators for the freshmen. Palam, Berong, Sekoi and I on the other hand were assigned as Block Facilitators. It sounds like an important job doesn’t it? To tell the truth, our jobs were mainly directing people to the rest rooms. You could say our job wasn’t much different of those of a restroom attendant. During that entire week, I wasn’t sure why, but Ana was avoiding me. I didn’t know what I had done wrong. I wasn’t able to catch her so I wrote her a letter. I don’t what was written in the letter that could’ve offended her but something must’ve. That night, Iyat and Surya had a talk with me. I remember them blaming me for something. They kept on saying that I shouldn’t have put her in that kind of position. I still don’t what I wrote in that letter that offended her but I took responsibility and admitted my guilt. I just wanted things to settle. Still, if I get a chance I’d someday like see what I had written in that letter.

That semester finally started. Comport, Palam and I had be-friended three juniors. They were Babat, Kentut and Selasih. At the time, Selasih wasn’t as close to us as Babat and Kentut. There was something that made us close. During early that semester, we’d went almost everywhere together. We’d have dinner, lunch and even just simply hang around. At the time, Ana began speaking to me again. From time to time I would give her a call. After a month into the semester, Second’s Family week was here again. Ana was elected as the ‘Penghuluwati’ of the Beetles. No, not the one with John Lenon. In malay it is know as ‘Kumbang’. Remember what I told you guys earlier. Each group was named after certain themes. And this year’s theme was insects. Ana was partnered with Eton as the ‘Penghulu’. If you’re asking, the ‘Penghulu’ and ‘Penghuluwati’ were the people put in charge of their group. They were like Moms and Dads and the rest of the people in the group were considered as their children.
Comport and I on the hand were members of the Bees. During that week the pressure of being in charge must’ve gotten into the Moms and Dads. All of them seemed so tense, even Ana. It came to a point where she cried. Seeing a girl cry is one of my weaknesses. I can’t stand to see them cry, it makes me feel guilty. So even though I was in the opposing group, I did my best to help her out. Don’t tell any of my group members this. They might think I betrayed them. Well, I helped her in any way I could. To think of it, during that week I too had a slight feud.
During the first day of the open week, Sekoi, Tapir and Bayam’s wallet were stolen from their room. Seeing that Babat, Comport, Kentut, Selasih and I were the only ones awake all night, we became suspects. I don’t blame them. If my wallet was stolen I too would ransack the whole place. It was the night of the families’ first meeting. I was recently interrogated. As I was heading back to my room, D’Punk asked me to bring down a CD from Eton’s room. He said it was on Eton’s table. I went in Eton’s room but saw nothing there. I told D’Punk that I couldn’t find it. He then told me to dig around. Recently that day, I was a suspect for missing wallets so digging around wasn’t something I preferred to do at that moment. So I tried explaining to him that it wasn’t appropriate for me at the time. He still insisted. I was pissed off because of his damned ignorance so I said to him in a distinctively slow manner, “Find it yourself asshole”. He at the time he was at the ground floor and I was at the top. I didn’t think he’d actually hear me but he did. I walked towards the ledge of the floor while he came running angrily towards me. Abe saw D’Punk come after me so he quickly rushed to beat D’Punk to me. Abe who? Abe at the time was a Super Senior. I befriended Abe since my first year. Abe and I gotten close after what happened between Ana and I. Abe somehow heard the news and went to see me. We then had a long talk about what women wants. It was a very insightful discussion. He then told me that during my unemployment stage he too tried to make a move on Ana. I guess you can probably figure how it turned out. Anyway, they arrived at the same time. D’Punk then started shoving me. Abe came between us to stop him from continuing his shoving. He then started cursing at me. While the entire scene was happening I simply ignored him. I tried putting my mind on something else. Abe then pulled me away from D’Punk. Just before I could leave out of sight, I heard D’Punk bad mouthing my parents. I pushed everyone aside and shoved my finger right between his eyes and said,
“WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!!! HERE’S SOME NEWS FLASH!! NOBODY WANTS YOU HERE!! THAT’S WHY YOU GOT KICKED OUT, YOU IGNORANT FOOL!!!! CONSIDER THIS A WARNING!! IF I HEAR YOU TALKING THRASH ABOUT MY PARENT EVEN ONCE I’LL KICK YOU’RE F**KING ASS!!! COMPRENDE!!!!”
Abe then pulled me away and brought me to Comport’s room to cool off. That’s basically when I lost interest of getting involved with this year’s Family week.

During that family week, I spent a lot of time back and forth from my home. My parents weren’t home so I had to pick my sister up from work and bring her home every night for that week. If you were here, you could see that at the stroke of midnight, I’d leave Second and head for my sister’s workplace. I’d return back to Second early the following morning just after I’ve sent my sister to work. That was one exhausting week. I remember during the closing ceremony of the family week. Some how things got mixed up and there wasn’t enough food for everyone. That night, just about everyone was damn moody. Two of the closes people to me had broken into tears right in front of me. They were Ana and Kak Ina. At first I planned on comforting Ana. Even though I had doubts with the timing but I couldn’t stand to see her cry. But seeing that there were already many comforting her. Beduk, Eton, Babat and a few others were already at her comfort. I then saw Kak Ina alone. So I decide to give comfort to her. I was in debt with Kak Ina. She had helped me out many times before so I figured that I owed her. As I comforted Kak Ina, I had an eye on Ana. I made certain that there was always somebody there by her side, even though it wasn’t me. When the week was over everyone was relieved. I gave my congratulations to Ana. Who’d figure but her group did manage to become the over all winners. Not long after, life went back to normal.

This year, Kebajikan held its community service, BAKSIS III, at Kuala Lumpur’s General Hospital. Our focus was its Cancer ward. We spent a whole day there. We tried getting to know more about the patients and their sickness. Even dealt with such fate, they still had strong spirits with them. They believed in hope. It makes us realize that how easily we give up when the least bit of problem comes our way. We easily lose hope and just give up the fight. Such attitude is what makes our lives static and leaves us behind from others. Like those patients, we should face life head strong. Don’t give in without even putting up a fight. Because life’s too short to let it pass you by.

After the family week came to an end, the leadership course began taking its place. Babat and Selasih selected as participants. While Ana was selected as a facilitator. This year, the course was being held at Rompin. I have no idea where it was or what went on there. While they were on their way to Rompin, a group of us from Helang went on a nature call. Those who went were Comport, Kuder, Palam, Rafi, Buyut, Nalla, Kentut and I. These two activities were held during the semester break. This nature call was an underground activity organized by the Broken Hearts society. It was a three day outdoor activity. We left on a Saturday morning. Sometime around noon, we arrived at K.L. We then had lunch. From K.L we took a bus to our destination, Mount Nuang. From K.L it was about an hour’s journey. We arrived at the base of Mount Nuang around 4 o’clock in the evening. From there, it was another hour hike. All I could say is that it was damn tiring. When we finally reached the camp sight, we unpacked our bags and set up the place. There were eight of us but only one tent. This was going to be a challenge. Our first night there, we went for a night walk. Wandering through the woods in the night, packed only with a couple of flashlights to assist us. Kuder wanted to familiarize us with the jungle. At first we lost our way for a while but then Kuder remembered the path. He then brought us to this miniature dam. There we sat admiring the moon’s reflection as it bounced off the surface of the water. The night seemed so lovely. It was a romantic place to bring your loved to. We sat there talking till midnight. We then returned back to our camp site. Most of us fell asleep early that night. Seeing tent couldn’t fit us all, we had to adapt. Buyut brought his own Hammock. So he slept in it. I on the other hand slept on a concrete floor. It wasn’t only hard but also cold. Camping by the riverside didn’t do any help to make it warmer but otherwise. I had to put on three layers of clothing simply to keep myself warm. Kentut was the only one that slept late. He was the only freshman there so we made him take guard for the night. To comfort himself, Kentut built himself a camp fire. Some time that night, he drowsed off on the rocks by the fire.
The next morning we woke around 8.30 a.m. After having breakfast, we headed towards the peak. Only Rafi, Comport, Kentut, Palam and I did. The others decided to simply rest at the camp sight. Only one tenth of the way, up the mountain, Comport and I were exhausted. Our burnt out shoe souls didn’t do much help. So we asked the three of them to head on first. We sat there deciding whether to continue our journey or to head back to camp. I then told Comport if he didn’t want to continue, why not simply head to the convenience store about a few miles down. What are you guys laughing at? It was the first mountain we climbed. Can you blame us if we were a little out of shape? When push came to shove, we decided to continue. We never had been up the mountain before so we gambled. We followed what ever path we could see there. When meeting a cross path, we went where ever chance took us. Our journey went on like this. After fifteen minutes of hiking, we’d take a five to ten minute break. We followed that pattern until finally reaching its peak. We took about 3 and a half hours to get there. Palam, Rafi and Kentut were already waiting for us there. They’ve been waiting for almost a half an hour. Only a 30 minute difference. Not bad for a couple of beginners. At the peak of Nuang, the only handset line that was functioning was Adam’s 017. Luckily it was the line we were using. So from the peak we called everyone we knew. After a period of time at the peak, we were getting hungry. I knew we forgot something. We forgot to bring some food supply. We then tried to come up with a plan to find food. As they were figuring out a plan, I saw this guide eating a slice of a chocolate bun. I approached him. Putting all sense of pride and humility aside, I asked him if he could spare us some food. He felt sorry for us and did. Luckily for us, he had exactly 5 pieces of bun left. It was enough for all of us. Soon after, we began heading back. Going back down was much easier and less tiring. We literally ran down the mountain. By the time we got back down, Kuda had prepared a meal for us. He knew that we would be famished.

Later that night, we gathered around the camp fire. There we did a bit of bonding. We started by talking about each other’s love experiences. Telling how it began and how it ended. We then discuss on ways to improve ourselves. We made a pact to keep everything said that night a secret. It was a secret only the eight of us would share. Later, when we got back to UPM, we found out that some one broke their promise because a few girls from Merpati knew of our little chat. The next morning after having breakfast, we packed our bags and headed back towards home. Our time there was fun. We then promised to do it again.
In the bus heading to K.L, we were tired. Although tired, we managed to joke around in the bus. Just when we were getting off the bus, something that Kentut saw surprised him. During the camp fire at Nuang, Kentut told us about this girl he liked. She was a close friend of his. He then told us that he was going to try his luck with her. If I’m not mistaken her name was Aween. But as we got off the bus, we saw Aween getting off the same bus. She wasn’t alone. She was with this boy. The boy was her fiancé. Can you imagine his shock? He didn’t know that Aween was engaged. Although knowing each other for a year, she didn’t mention it him. He found out that the boy was her fiancé only later that night. It was something like you’d see in soap opera. Quite a twist.
Kentut, Kuda, Nalla, Rafi and Palam headed home, meanwhile Buyut, Comport and I headed to my house. When we got there, my house was locked. My parents were on vacation and my brother went out. So I broke into my own house. Some time around 8 p.m. my brother came back. He saw the lights on then rushed upstairs to check something in his room. After that, the last I knew was he running the down stair and took a swing me. I then said,
“WHAT THE F**K DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING??”
He then continued beating me. It wasn’t that I didn’t try to fight back but let’s face it. My brother was 2-3 times my size. So all I could do was defend myself. As I did I began to provoke him. I taunted him. I asked him whether that was the best he could do. I told him that my sister could hit harder than him and that I didn’t feel a thing. But it did hurt. I think that I still have scars and bruise on body from that encounter. All I remember next was I took a knife and put it in his hands. I then dared him to simply stab me. He stopped. He must’ve came to his senses. He apologized. He said that he left a friend of his at home and I breaking in frightened her. She was in my sister’s room all shaken up. During the whole incident, Buyut peeked from upstairs and Comport that was initially a sleep woke up. Hearing us argue, he continued pretending to be a sleep. After everything was resolved, Buyut, Comport and I went to dinner. As we ate Buyut said that he wanted to help me but didn’t want to get mixed up in feud. Yeah, right! Like I said before, Buyut is all talk. As I was fighting or to more precise, being beaten the hell out from my brother, I could see Buyut sitting upstairs shivering in fright.

The following day as planned, we met with Palam at K.L. The four of us were on our way to Johor. We were going to stay a few nights at Comport’s house. We got on the 2 o’clock bus and left. It was about a 4 hour journey. We arrived at J.B (Johor Bahru) around 6 o’clock. From there we caught a bus to Comport’s house.
I remember a few days before the semester break started I received a couple of message from this unknown number so I replied requesting to know who it was. She identified herself as Leo. I didn’t know anyone that went by the name Leo. After a short interrogation, we found out that we had a mutual friend, Ana. Leo said she didn’t send the message but just earlier Ana was using her handset. So we concluded that Ana was the mysterious sender. Back at Comport’s house. Adam was upgrading its service causing technical errors to the system at the time. Because of the error, we were able to get free calls during certain times. Seeing that most of the people I wanted to call were attending the course at Rompin, I was left with a few options. Remembering Leo’s phone number, I dialed her up. That was how Leo and I became friends today.
At Johor, we went sight seeing. Comport brought us to what were known as the happening places in J.B. We also visited Sekoi’s house. His manner whether at UPM or at home wasn’t much different. Like in UPM, at home too he spent most of his time playing video games. It was part of his identity. So we had a soccer match at his house. Not real soccer but on his Playstation. He beat everyone accept me. It wasn’t because I was a good player but the power went out just before he could beat me. So I gloated. Technically, I was unbeaten. HAHAHA. Hearing me gloating really got Sekoi rallied up. I wanted to prove that he could be me. I declined his offer. Not only did I decline, I asked to practice even harder if he wanted to beat me. That really pissed him. Why didn’t I have rematch? Are your nuts? Surely he’d beat the daily lights out of me. From Sekoi’s place, we continued to see the streets of J.B. The cost of living in J.B was more expensive compared to K.L. We stayed in J.B for four days. On our fifth day there, we headed home. We took a bus from J.B to UPM. We arrived back at Second merely minutes before the arrival of the participants from the leadership course. The semester break was over and everyone had returned to Second.

When we got back, Helang was still being renovated. The contractors had promised to be finished before the break was over but it seemed like they were just beginning the renovation. A notice was put up. The residents of Helang were asked to find a temporary place to stay until the renovation was finished. Some stayed in Helang’s t.v room, some stayed at Helang’s flat and the others found solitude else where. There were about fifteen of us that shared Helang’s t.v room. With out any beds, we took mattresses from our rooms and slept on the floor. The place seemed no different from a refugee camp.
During the time we spent at this refugee camp look alike, the bond between us grew closer. If one of us didn’t go to class, the rest of us too wouldn’t. We even considered setting Helang as a central parking place. It was because most of our transports stayed parked in the parking lot most of the days. During this time, Adam was still upgrading its line. That meant we could still do free calls. Every night, about 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. and 12 a.m. to 2 a.m. it was easy to access free calls. I didn’t spend much time making these free calls. Well, about once or twice a week I’d call Ana but that was mainly it. The ones constantly using my phone were Babat and Kentut. By this time, Babat and Ana were becoming rather close. You can say that I gave it a little nudge. They were like brother and sister. Babat would spend a lot of time messaging and calling her. I thought it could do no harm. So I just let them be. At least, they’d be somebody to accompany Ana. A few weeks since the semester break had ended, it was Ana’s birthday. I remember some time during the graduate’s convocation about a month ago, Ana requested some floors from me. I hadn’t any money then so I couldn’t meet her request. Now it was her birthday, I still was broke. I remember my friends telling me that a gift was only valuable if it comes from the heart. After thinking it over, I wrote her poem. With only five bucks in my pocket, I used 2 bucks for gas money to go back and forth to Kajang simply to spend my last 3 dollars to by a single red rose. This was to make up for the flowers I didn’t get for her earlier. I then attached the rose to the poem and gave it to her for her birthday. That was about it. Five weeks had passed and the renovation was finally done with. We then went back into our own rooms. Since early this semester, I hadn’t once slept in my bedroom. It was due to a small terrifying encounter of the third kind. But after the renovation was done, I saw my room in a whole new light. It didn’t seem as creepy as it did before. It was probably because the whole room was newly furnished. It was a few weeks till the beginning of the finals. This year I didn’t get much involvement with Kebajikan’s annual dinner MAK. All I remember was around then was the time Buyut and Nini had declared themselves as a couple. I couldn’t pay the amount asked for to participate in this dinner. I couldn’t afford it. So I went to the dinner a bit late. I came just after everyone finished their dinner. My only reason attending it was to give support to Bonbon, the person in charge of this year’s dinner. Either than that, it was probably because I heard Ana was doing a duet with some one. She was doing a song from her favourite artist album, Siti Nurhaliza. I just don’t get what people see in this Siti Nurhaliza character. To me, she was just another person. There was nothing that I found admirable about that Siti. But everyone has a right to their own opinion. Due to some technical difficulty with sound system, the dinner ran a bit late. After done with the performances, I didn’t wait to take pictures or anything. I simply left for Helang. There was something about these dinners that made me go mentally down.

As the finals began, Selasih began spending more time in my room. Didn’t I mention, this year Comport and I had transferred to the top floor. Selasih was our recently elected floor representative. Selasih’s room was a mess. It wasn’t actually a mess but more like empty. It was like a ghost town. There were neither supplies nor any entertainment there. My room on the other had at least a radio with plenty of food and water supply. And not many visitors would come to my room. You could say I kept an invite only policy. It made it easier for me to study. So Selasih would study in my room and we’d keep each other company. About 3 to 4 nights a week Comport would come and spend the night in my room. When ever they did, the nights were far from quite. You’d probably be able to hear us laugh all night long. Within these finals a small tragedy occurred. Nini was in a slight accident. On her way back from Sungai Congkak with the girls from Enggang, she hit a pothole causing her to fall of her motorbike left her arm broken. Besides that, no other serious injury was obtained. In a brief period, the finals were over and the semester ended.

After four weeks of rest, the holiday came to an end. Well, it was supposed to end until the following week but Helang was having this ‘Semai Bakti’. It was a program to bind the boys of Helang together. In doing so, the leaders of Helang decided to renovate the Ababil Park. They wanted to upgrade it. We, the residents of Helang had to cut our vacation short and return back to Helang a week earlier. Actually, a few of us didn’t leave Helang for long.
Let’s recollect what happen during the holiday. The recreation team organized a trip to Gua Musang, Kelantan during the early stages of our holiday. There, they did some extreme sports. I wasn’t a participant so I can’t tell what activity they actually endured. Sekoi, Bayam and I stayed at Helang during the week they left for Gua Musang. When they got back, we were still here. Among the participants were Selasih, Kuder, Kentut, Leo, Kak Ina, Esah and Ana. Those were the names of people I could remember. The night they arrived, they went out for dinner together. Afterwards, they hanged out at Helang’s Foyer just killing time. Some of them were listening to Kuder play the guitar while others were playing card games. Sekoi and I were on our way back from dinner when we saw them. We then decided to join them. I remember the night. As we played ‘Tai Ti’ (a card game) Ana sat behind me. I could smell her sweet fragrance. As we played, Ana sat behind me learning the game. You could say that I was a ‘Tai Ti’ shark. It was a game I was good at. As I taught her the game we began talking. It’s been such along while since the both of us actually talked face to face. It felt nice. When the night had ended, I went to sleep. The following evening, the participants then went bowling. I wanted to join them but I had to catch a flight with my grandma to K.B (Kota Bharu), Kelantan. So I went home.
Later that night, I had arrived at my grandma’s house. I stayed there for about ten days. My grandma wasn’t feeling all that well so I was asked to accompany her while my aunt went to work. I could be a great companion when I wanted to. During my stay there, I kept contact with Ana. I called her. I remember this one time I did. It was for four hours. I just don’t know how come the call was so long. All I remember about the conversation was she asked me to listen to the song, ‘Seribu bintang’ by the ‘Alleycats’. She asked me to listen to the lyrics carefully. I did as she asked, but at the time I guess I was a little too naïve to get what it meant. All I concentrated was on how soothing it felt just talking to her. After ten days in Kelantan I headed back. I didn’t go home but headed straight to Helang. There Sekoi, Bayam, Wa’e, Palam, Nalla and I stayed. Shhhhh….. Don’t tell anyone but our stay there was only partially legal. The other part was kept dodging from certain authorities. One week before the holiday ended, the rest of the Helangnians returned. There we began renovating the Ababil Park. So I guess that’s about it with recollecting the holiday.

Now back in a new semester. Kebajikan was having its intimacy camp again. This time is being held at Lentang Recreation Park. Bonbon and Ana were the newly appointed vice presidents for Kebajikan. They were put in charge of setting up the whole deal. The pressure of being in charge took its toll. It was while handling this ordeal had Bonbon’s smoking habit become excessive. This one time, he must’ve been too stressed because when Sekoi and I entered Sekoi’s room, we saw Bonbon with a cigarette in hand and his head flat on Sekoi’s desk. It looked like he had passed out there. So Sekoi and I offered any assistance possible. A few days before heading off towards Lentang, Sakai and I got into a huge argument. Who’s Sakai? Oh, I forgot to tell you. Sakai was the previous President of Kebajikan and was also my previous room mate. I’ve know Sakai since my first year. We were friends. We’d hang out together and such but there were times that we’d have our disagreements. Where was I? Oh yeah. It was around midnight. Sakai, Berong, Comport, Kentut and I were at this restaurant having a bite to eat. Sakai was complaining about the camp. He said the timing was all wrong, the way they were handling things was poor and that he wasn’t going to give any support to the organization. That’s how the argument started. I simply asked him to reconsider. He was once the president so he should know how hard the task was. He then stressed on the timing. I agreed with him on that part but the problem was that it was already too late to reschedule. If it could’ve been done I would have no objection. I too preferred that it would be held on a different date. Due to the rainy season, being in the woods wasn’t safe. Preparations were made, all parties had paid and been informed. Whether we liked it or not, the show was going to go on. He then said that I knew nothing. He said that I probably wouldn’t be able to manage myself at Lentang. What Sakai said made me feel belittled. He acted as if he was the only one there that had experiences. The way he said it was like my whole 21 years living was meaningless. It was like to him, I knew nothing at all. Berong also support what Sakai said. So told them to f**ck off. I told them that I wasn’t going to let down a friend that was in need. At least if I was the only one supporting Bonbon. Even though I might not be able to handle the burden myself but with the two of us working together we would be able to at least cut it down to half. That’s what friends are for. To help in any ways possible. I told him if he was too afraid to take the risk then simply back down but don’t go asking every one else to be a coward like him. I wasn’t Mr. Perfect or even the best man for the job but at least I do my job. Berong kept quite. A few minutes later Babat, Selasih, Batok, Mira and the rest of Helang seniors arrived to join our feast. It wasn’t like Sekoi, Comport and I didn’t think to back away. At first we had other engagements. Sekoi had a chess tournament, Compot had appointment and I promised my mom to return for the weekend. But seeing that Bonbon was more in need of assistance, we cancelled our plans. I believe the main reason that Sakai didn’t want to go was because of the personal problems he had with the new President, Eton. Still, it shouldn’t have been an excuse.
When the day finally came, as I thought both Berong and Sakai decided not to go. Even Selasih and Babat came up with excuses. To hell with them. It was their lost. We arrived there late that Friday evening. By the time we got there, it was already night fall. We had to set up the tent in the dark. As we waited for the dinner to be cooked, I stood at this hanging bridge. I stood there starring into the sky on such a pleasant night. As I was admiring the night, Caduk and Kambing came alone beside me. On that bridge, we had ourselves a pep talk. None long after, dinner was ready thus we headed back to the camp. We started our activity that night with the traditional ice breaking. Everyone must’ve been tired because by midnight most of them had fallen asleep. The only ones that didn’t sleep that night were Farouk, Comport and I. Oh yeah, Nini and Buyut stayed up quite late too but they were busy getting comfortable with each other. They wanted to be alone so they could have a romantic time. Comport, Farouk and I spent our time eating and making jokes. Around 3 a.m. as we were laughing, we heard tires’ screech and a big boom. The sound awakened Eton. The four of us then went to see what it was. When we got to the side of the road, we saw a van that had turned upside down and back again. They were a few people just sitting. They seemed to be injured. We then went to get a first aid kit. Comport at the time got tired and went to bed. Meanwhile Farouk, Eton and I went to help the injured. We help put on medicine for them. Actually Eton and Farouk did. I had this phobia about seeing too much blood. When I do, I get kind of drowsy. So I watched them from a near distance. I helped them to scavenge for any lost items. Time flew very quickly that night. It was soon six o’clock. I went to have a shower and do some praying. Why did I shower so early in the morning? Well… seeing that was already morning I figured that taking a cold shower would help me stay awake. That morning, we began with a jungle trekking. Kuder had many experiences in jungle so he was given the responsibility on leading the way. Sekoi, Kak Ina, Esah, Bob and I were at the back of the line. Only five minutes after beginning our hike, I felt tired. I was more sleepy than tired. Seeing that Esah too wasn’t in the mood for hiking, I tried to persuade Esah to come with me. I even tried bribing her with a meal at KFC. My efforts would’ve work. But Kak Ina and Sekoi kept foiling my plan. I was trying to make her give up while both Sekoi and Kak Ina were giving her hope. Those plan wreckers. Because of them Esah decided to continue the hike. Turning back alone wasn’t fun. I needed an accomplice. But the one that was most likely had been taken away from me. I too had to continue the hike. As we were hiking, we arrived at this rather lengthy stretch of puddle. So everyone dashed hurriedly to cross it. Briefly after crossing the puddle, a scream was heard,
“Arrghhhhh, help me! There’s a leech on my foot. Helpppppp!”
It was Fid that was screaming. Bonbon then came to her rescue. That was the moment Bonbon had his sights set on her. Leeches, eeeeeeeeee…… I too hated them. What pissed me off was that I had been bitten by three leeches that day. And all three of them sunk their teeth at same spot. After I got rid of one, another would come crawling and biting me at the same spot. I hated these leeches. All they do is suck all the blood right out of you. When we had arrived at the half way point, we went downwards. During the whole time there, we went trekking by the riverside. Now we were heading towards the river. We then arrived at this miniature dam and we relaxed ourselves. We took pictures and played around in the water. As we were crossing the river, Esah’s foot got stuck between some rocks. We were able to get her lose but not before sustaining some injuries. It wasn’t critical but it did hurt. Rather than following the others go through the water, we went by land. We followed the path already there. Later on we found out during the water trekking, Hana, and Sue Ann almost floated away with the currents. Thanks to Esah’s injury, we had an excuse to cut our trekking a bit short. Esah, Bob and I then stopped at this nearby stall to get something to eat and drink. It was my treat. Finally, I got to escape the rest of the trekking. We arrived back at the camp sight about fifteen minutes before the rest of the hikers. Even though during most of the way back, Esah had to limp. Well, no pain no gain right?
That evening, as everyone else was involved in an activity, Buyut and I were making clues for the treasure hunt. I decided to have some fun with these clues so I planned a little surprise. As the treasure hunt begun, the participants had to endure humiliating instructions. It was fun seeing them do these stupid instructions. We didn’t humiliate them through the entire activity. We insured the instructions for the last clue was for their own amusement. Each group had to carry either Comport, Kak Ina, Bonbon or Ana and hurl them into the river. I had my reasons for choosing these four victims. After being thrown into humility, the participants began going overboard. They began throwing just about everyone. I remember Bonbon persuading them to hurl both Sekoi and I into the water. Too bad but they missed us. We were simply to fast for them. Sekoi and I had the last laugh. Later that night, each group put on their own show. Some of them reenacted what had happened earlier that day. Some of their acts were simply making fun of the facilitators. No matter the less, their performances were entertaining and hilarious. Bonbon that night had some kind of asthma attack. He’d been playing in the river all day long. The cold must’ve got to him. We did our best trying to relieve him. We applied some deep healing lotion on him. We then brought him back into the tent to keep him warm. I must’ve been too tired that night because as soon as we entered the tent, I too fell asleep.
Around 4 a.m. that morning I woke up. I came out of the tent and saw Esah and Bob talking with a few of these juniors. I then joined them. We went on talking. They told me that when I was a sleep I missed one heck of a show. They said that Ana was chased by this a little piggy. As they told the story, they couldn’t stop themselves from laughing. They said that I should’ve seen the reaction on Ana’s face. Around six o’clock they got tired and went to sleep. I was left alone. After a shower, I decided to fry myself some potatoes. As I was getting everything ready, Sekoi, Kak Ina, Nini and a few others woke up. They then joined me. They started batching a mixture to make ‘cekodoks’. After done mixing, we began frying. As we fried our potatoes and cekodoks, we began talking. We joked around, laughed and such. As we were laughing, a drop of water fell from the trees down into the frying pan. ‘SPLASH’ it went. The hot cooking oil went flying everywhere. Most of us were able to avoid the oil splash but some were unlucky. Nini obtain a few drops while Bai obtain plenty. Her whole face was marked with oil. It was hot oil. That was surely going to leave a scar. Bai then isolated herself from everyone else. I don’t know why but she did. I then approached her and offered her some cekodoks. I wasn’t making fun of her, Ok. I did so to be friendly.
After breakfast, we went for a dip. It was our last day there so we decided to enjoy its remaining. As we were getting ourselves wet, Ana was busy having a conversation with Comport. She seemed to be hanging on to his every word. Soon the bus arrived and we headed home. Actually, the bus driver had been waiting for quite a while. He was really angry. It was our mistake for being late. All we could do was nod as he blabbed. We arrived back to UPM that evening. The following day was announced the first day of our fasting month. We were lucky that it didn’t start while we were still at Lentang. If it did, we’d be in one big mess.

The fasting month began the day after we returned back from Lentang and this year I broke fast all alone in my room. I was having what you would call reconciliations with myself. I had inner conflicts that I had to deal with. After midnight, Selasih, Babat, Comport and I would hang out in my room. We’d talk and play cards about until 3 a.m. We’d then go for sahur. The previous semester, our results weren’t very satisfying so we took a lot of electives that semester. What got me down the most that semester wasn’t because the low grades I obtained but because certain individuals blamed Comport, Palam and I for Babat’s, Seasih’s and Kentut’s bad results too. They didn’t dare mention it to our face but used messengers to send news. Don’t worry, we never kill never messenger. Do to the ‘breathers’ we were able to hang out all night long. Ana and Babat were becoming intimate. From where I stood, I could see something begin to blossom between the both of them. The funny part was they suspected that Kak Ina and I were having an affair simply because we hung out together. Kak Ina and I would just joked around together. And we weren’t often alone. There was usually either Sekoi or Nini with us. But the two of them just seemed so…… I think you know what I mean. They were just different. The intimacy between them was so obvious to me. I told Sekoi about my suspicions but he said that I was just imagining things. I then told him to wait and see. Mark my words I said. I said things will reveal themselves soon or later and he’d see what I already saw. I told him if they didn’t become a couple in a year’s time, I’d treat him to anything that he wanted. Why was I so confidant? Well, let’s say this. Babat and Ana went out together almost every other night. Sometimes Selasih would join them. But every time they came back to my room, they’d promote Ana to Comport. They’d say things like how lucky Comport would be if he had Ana by his side. And that Comport should move in as soon as possible before Ana slipped into the arms of some else. They really wanted to get both Ana and Comport together. I remember suggesting to Babat,
“Why are you trying to force Comport? If you want Ana to be happy why not you declare with her?”
To this very day I still remember his words. He said,
“I just can’t. If she was only a year older, I wouldn’t mind but Ana is TWO years older. I just can’t”
What a stupid excuse. As he said that, I could see it in his eyes. There were more to it than merely friends. Never be too sure. Don’t be too proud or confidant. Fate has its way of coming back to haunt you. Trust me, I’ve learned from experience.
About a week before the fasting month had ended, as I was wandering on the volleyball court, I bumped into Esah. She said that I was being snobbish. She said that I didn’t acknowledge her presence every time we crossed paths. We had a bit of a quarrel, where I defended myself. I told her that I greeted her at every encounter but she never replied. Her response was,
“Oh you did? Sorry. When I don’t wear my glasses, I can’t recognize people from a distance,”
She apologized. We began talking about how long it’s been since we hung out together. I then suggested that the bunch of us going out and breaking fast together. She agreed. I then told Sekoi and Comport. The news got to Ana and she told Babat and Selasih. I guess it was set. We were going out for dinner tomorrow.

At first Comport promised to join us but when the time finally came he backed out. He said that he was too tired to go. Him and his sweet promises. The girls were already waiting for us at volleyball court yet we were deciding whether to go or not. I then persuade Sekoi to go. At first he too wanted to back down. When we finally arrived down, the girls seemed really pissed off. So we stayed a distance from them. When the bus arrived we headed to Mines Shopping Complex. We arrived minutes before it was time to break fast. When it was time we had dinner. After dinner, Bob, Surya and Hana went back to Second. The rest of us did a little bit of window shopping. Time passed and it was 9 o’clock. We then headed back. We got on the bus toward Second. You want to know what happened on the bus? Well, it went like this. The bus was full. Still we managed to get seats on the bus. I sat on this single chair, while behind me were Sekoi and Esah, beside them were Babat and Selasih and behind them were Kak Ina and Ana. On the crowded bus, I could see that everyone was tired. They had their gloomy face on. So I attempted to humour them. I turned to Ana and said, “Ana, Sayang Cayang Ayang”. It was a funny way of saying I love you. Well, this is just between us but some times people do that. They express how they feel by joking about it. Why? It’s simply because everything is easier to deny if you find out later that the glove doesn’t fit. You should’ve seen my facial expression as I said it. As I said it, it was like I had this out of body experience. It was like I could see myself saying it. Oh, my GOD! What I did was stupid and I looked stupid as I did it. I then started laughing. Every time I start to laugh I just can never seem to stop myself. “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…………”. I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. Everyone in the bus just starred at me. Even Sekoi and Esah were poking me from behind, asking me to stop laughing. I tried yet still I couldn’t. It was like there was a bug inside me and didn’t want to go away. They must’ve guessed that if they couldn’t beat me why not join me? Soon, everyone around me began laughing. Even the girls standing beside me began to laugh. As we finally arrived at Second, we got off the bus. Everyone was relieved. They then vowed never to ride a bus with me. They said that it was too embarrassing. Now long after that, Raya was near. The fasting month ended rather quickly this year. Having your mind busy resolving things does make time seems to pass a bit quicker.

After a month of fasting and two weeks of Raya holidays we were back in UPM.
Not long after, Second had it’s opened week again. It was the usual competitions. This year’s open week left many feeling restless and tense. Comport was the Vice president of Helang. During this week, he was put in charge of finding and handling the participants from Helang. He was really tensed that week. So I did what I could to help him. I joined basically every competition there was. If there were vacancies, it’d help Comport fill it. Most of them were group competitions except for the essay writing. I remember the essay writing competition. It was about 7 p.m. and the essay was due at nine. Comport said we needed another participant so I entered. I sat in front of Tepung’s computer and typed. Within 30 minutes later I had finished. I then gave it to Comport to submit. That night Ana was also tensed. Kebajikan was assigned to wrap the hampers for the winners. The problem was that there was nobody there to help. Surya was at Pakya talking to Sekoi and I, when we heard Ana yell from the study hall. She yelled,
“SURYA!! WE GOT WORK TO DO!!!!!”
She seemed angry about something. Surya too was pissed. Being yelled at wasn’t something anybody likes. She then had an argument with Ana and left. For some apparent Sekoi and I felt guilty. So we went up to the study room and helped wrap the hampers. Although we too weren’t fond of Eton, we assisted them simply because of Bonbon and Ana. During the same week, I had an argument with Farouk. Everything happening that semester was kind of hectic. Even my problems began adding not decreasing as I thought it would. Thankfully we were able to resolve our problems. During the closing ceremony, the traditional Dikir Ria competition was held. As the competition began with Raja Wali’s performance, we of Helang were still in our block doing our last rehearsal. But I was able to get a glimpse their performance. Oat’s was the lead singer. Her singing voice was rather lovely. She had an act for singing. Her voice was really sweet. This year our performance actually looked like a performance. Our performance was synchronized. We did everything perfectly. We did it as a team. Even though our style was out of the usual, still it was fun for us and the viewers. I’m sure that they still remember our performance till this very day. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. To my surprise, I won first place in the essay writing competition. I haven’t won anything lately but began losing a lot, including friends. After the closing ceremony ended, I had to hurry back home. Again my parents were away and I had to pick up my sister from work. The week ended with a sigh of relief.

In a few weeks time the convocation carnival was back. During that few weeks, weeks, something heart breaking happened. Kebajikan was having a gathering at Second’s dinning hall. I went to participate. As I entered, I heard voices talking. One of the voices sounded familiar. From the reflection off a cupboard window, I was I able make out Ana. The others I couldn’t see. I decided to eavesdrop. I heard them talking about many things even about me. I remember hearing Ana bring forth my name. I then listened more closely. I heard her say,
“I think G.B is rather desperate. It’s like he just can’t get over me. I feel suffocated by him.”
What???? I was shocked. She really considered as a pest. I was so angry. If she had said it to my face I would be able to consider it but behind my back. I felt like somebody had wounded my heart by stabbing me in the back. And it really hurt. I then stormed out of the room. I was so angry. I needed to cool down. I walked away. I needed to cool myself. I needed to walk. With my walkman turned on, I strolled around UPM. What kept playing my mind was that she really believed I was suffocating her. I then came to a decision. If she thought I was suffocating her, I would give her some space to breathe. I decided to give her all the space she needed. I decided to avoid contact with her. That was enough space, wouldn’t you say? I didn’t tell anyone about the incident and what I was going to do. Before I did, I had to do something. I went to carnival searching for a scarf. There was a precise detail of the scarf that I searched for. I searched for a tiger striped pattern scarf. I went to each and every clothing stall there was. During my search, Sekoi accompanied me. We searched and searched. Actually I did. Sekoi just stood outside, acting like he didn’t know me. If he thinks he should be embarrassed, how about me. I was the one doing the searching. Every time I entered these female clothing stalls, everyone would just stare at me. I ignored them and acted like I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Actually I wasn’t doing anything wrong but rather strange for them. A male student browses into women clothing departments. It must’ve been headline news. I still couldn’t find what I was looking for. The following day, I searched at Mines Shopping Complex still, I couldn’t find what I was searching for. On the third day, I asked Bonbon to accompany me to Kajang. I told him what I was searching for. He simply laughed. Searching all over Kajang, still we couldn’t find it. Just as I was going to give up, we stopped at Warta Shopping Complex. We decided to take a chance there. It must’ve been my lucky day because we found a scarf matching the pattern I was searching for. This scarf was different. It wasn’t the plain cotton scarf but a 45 dollar velvet scarf. I didn’t care about the price as long as the design was of the one I was searching for. So I bought it. But before we bought it, I remember the sales lady trying it on. She looked ravishing in it. If you don’t believe me, just ask Bonbon. He couldn’t forget that sales lady.

Later that night, I met Nini and asked her to pass the scarf to Ana. With the scarf, I attached a letter. The letter read asking her to just let me be. I didn’t write why but to simply let me go on with my life. Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you about Nini and Buyut. They broke up. Neither Nini nor I know the reason but they did. One night, Nini and I were talking. She asked me on how Buyut was doing. I was surprised with her question, so asked why she was asking. She then told me the story. She wasn’t sure whether it was really over or not so she asked me to find out. That night I went and had a talked with Buyut. At first we talked about sports, games and etc. I slowly slipped my question to him regarding Nini. His response was, if he had made a decision, there was no turning back.
How was I going to tell Nini? How do you tell your friend, that her boyfriend confirms their break off? Both Buyut and Nini being my friends didn’t make it any easier. So I told Nini on the phone as gently as possible. She began to cry. How am I supposed to handle this? I tried to comfort her. I did what I could through the phone. After she had put down the phone, I dialed up Kak Ina and asked her to check on Nini when ever she could. Break ups and heart aches. This was one heck of a semester. The usual activities went on. The rest of semester went on rather more as usual.
After the whole big Family week breakdown, Kak Ina and I spent more time together. Kak Ina and I would spend about twice a week of our nights talking. With Kak Ina it was easily to get along with because of how the way she handled things. With Kak Ina I didn’t have to worry about being judged. She didn’t have an attitude that certain people have. To be frank, my way of life might seem pretty peculiar to some. Because of that they have concerns of making me their friend. They have an obsession of knowing the person before making them their friend. But with Kak Ina, she accepts people as her friends and then begins to know them. Think about it. If you have to know everything about a person before letting them in your life as a friend, you simply can forget about having friends all together. Why? Because you can spend a life time with a person and still find out something new about them simply the next day.
It was the end of the semester. It was time for the MTM’s to select those who they believe qualified to stay in Second. During the nominations, Kak Ina, Ana, Surya, Esah and Leo’s name were black listed. The Vice president and Enggang’s head block had personal issues with them and wrongfully used their power. They used obscure reasons to have them kicked out. They abused their power. To be honest, it was the College’s lost having them sent out of Second. God is fair. One of these days, I pray that they’ll get what they deserve.
Kebajikan was hosting an, adopt a student program with a village in Muar, Johor. The program was for us to stay with foster parents for a week. There we’d get to know them and learn more about their life styles. We also preformed community service there. Ok, let’s start from the beginning.
The holiday had just begun. Bonbon was put in charge of handling this activity. His board of committees included Fid, Nini and Warung. The Reccers team had just gone on a rafting expedition. Bonbon and Warung stayed at Helang as they worked on this program. Sekoi and Bayam on the other hand stayed in Helang due to the class that they were taking that holiday. I went back and forth from my house to Second. I’d stay a couple of days at Helang and a couple at my house. It went on like that most of the holiday. When they Reccers returned, Nini and Kak Ina also returned. They were among those who went along with the expedition. Bonbon, Warung, Kak Ina, Nini, Sekoi and I then stayed at Second to help settle the program. Every night, we’d sit in the MTM room and simply hanging out. We’d watch movies, surf the net and simply talk. That’s how Nini met her new boyfriend, through the Net. Well their relationship didn’t last long. During our time at Second, we decided to go bowling. We went on our bikes to Carrefour. There was a bowling alley there. Our bowling experience was rather hilarious especially with Kak Ina around. She fumbled a couple of times. Once the ball even flew backwards rather then heading towards the pins. Another one was when trying to follow Sekoi’s instruction on throwing the ball. I don’t know how she got herself tangled in that position. It was a pretzel like position. Confusing…. It might even turn to be the eight wounder of the world. After bowling, we went browsing in the complex. We then headed back to Second. To save our budget, we decided to cook our meals at Second’s kitchen.
A few weeks later, the other participants arrived. A couple of days before we left for Muar, we went and did some shopping. I remember a rather funny incident during this time. As I waited outside of Extra while the rest of them went in, I saw something that made me laugh. In the corner of my eye, I saw Oat, Diana and Farouk browsing in Triumph. It was a lady’s brassier store. At first I didn’t find anything funny about it. But when they saw me there, they ducked down and left through the connecting store. They then turn and walked pass the brassier store again calmly like nothing happened. They acted like they had just arrived. I kept quite and acted like I didn’t see them. To tell the truth I wanted to laugh right there and then.
Later that night, a meeting was held to brief the participants. I then approached all the girls that were at the brassier store earlier and said,
“How was your shopping? Find any that you liked?” They were confused with my remark. So I thought to make things clearer.
“I mean at Triumph. Find anything in your size? What size were you gals looking for? A size 34 A-cup?” They then turned to each other and yelled, “GET HIM!!”
I quickly ran away from them as quickly as possible. As I ran I began to laugh.

We were now on the bus heading to Muar. On our way there, we received news that our plans had changed. At first we were paired on who’d go with whom but due to some unfortunate circumstance, everything changed. When we arrived, we were given a few advices and then reassigned partners. Guess what? Due to the odd number of participants, I was paired alone. That meant I had no partner. This was upsetting. I wasn’t the only one upset. Ana was there crying. At first I thought that my luck was tough but Berong and Babat had worse. No one wanted to accept them. I pity them. At the time, they were kind of homeless. Few minutes later, my adopted brother arrived. He was also a friend of Tocheng. We then went to my adopted home. The house was situated quite far. Behind the town’s mosque was a graveyard. About a couple of hundred meters behind the graveyard were a couple of houses. There was where my adopted family lived. At daytime it wasn’t all bad but during nighttime, you should see the place. Trees were everywhere. Everything was so dark. Knowing that there was a graveyard along the way home did nothing to comfort me. It made things feel creepier. After a few minutes at my new home, I had to leave. My adopted family was going to the hospital and they felt it inappropriate for me to follow so they left me at Tocheng’s house with Bonbon and Warung. I felt like child being sent of to nursery. This was humiliating. Later that evening they came and picked me up.
That night, our first activity was held at the mosque. There was this sermon intended for us to hear. I remember that night at the mosque. Mimi was asking everyone about their adopted family. She was saying how wonderful everything was. Her only mistake was asking about Berong’s. She went up to Berong and asked how things were. Berong almost bit her head off. He asked her to simply shut up. He was in a bad mood. Our main reason coming was to get to know the people there but having everyone reject him from their homes just doesn’t put on a good impression towards the town, does it? I too knew how he felt being an outcast of the community. At first we planned to catch a bus home but after persuasions from certain parties, we decided not to. It might make Second look bad. That night I went to bed rather late. My adopted brother brought me to hang around with his friends and then tour around town. We stopped at this jamming studio simply to hear his friends play. As we strolled around town, I realized. There was no 7 eleven’s outlet there. Well, there was a store that I almost mistook for a 7 eleven but it wasn’t. It was only a 7 eleven look alike, 7 to seven. Their logo, design, almost everything seemed closely similar to 7 eleven. Every time I meet Tepung I can’t help laughing. Each time he talks proudly about his home town, I’d bring up the fact that they don’t even have a 7 eleven there. About four o clock that morning, we headed back home. I was fatigued so I went straight to bed.

The next morning, our first activity was to inspire students from primary schools. We were divided into three groups, each group sent to three different schools. I think that we were the one being inspired there. All three groups then met at the Secondary school later that morning. After lunch our activity with the secondary students began. It was a lecture. That evening ended and we headed back to our house. Later that night we met back at the mosque to have a sort of a dinner. The dinner was prepared by the people there. After dinner we had another sermon. I’m not much of a sermon fan so I hid some where at the back of the mosque. I then helped to wash the dishes there as an excuse to escape the sermon. There I was introduced to a few collegiates that I seen around but didn’t actually get the time to know. They were, Maz, Masrul, Ayu(from Merpati) and Ati. As we washed the dishes, we got to learn more about each other. The day ended and I went back home and slept.
The following morning, our activity at the secondary school resumed. That morning we had a ‘gotong-royong’ to help beautify the school. Some of us helped clear this old hut where the others helped with decorating the stage for the ‘Night of tradition’. As they were cleaning up the hut, a rat fell from the roof and on to Nini. After realizing that there was a rat on her, she screamed hysterically. Everyone just laughed at the sight. Takuk was the man of the hour. He helped remove the rat from Nini. After cleaning the hut, everyone met back at the hall to help with the decorations. That day, I had a huge head ache. I guess my migraine was acting up. Usually if these headaches came, Sekoi and Comport would help me relieve the pain. Seeing the both of them couldn’t make it, I had only time as my healer. I remember Babat, Batoq and Ana discussing strategy for tomorrow’s football game against the local team. I at the time felt like my head was caught up between two steam rollers. As I was wandering, Batoq asked me whether I was going to join the game. I told him that I wasn’t sure. He asked why? I told that I just didn’t know if I was going to make it. I didn’t tell him at the time but I promised my foster family to help them a bit with the house chores. Babat and Batoq didn’t seem satisfied with my answer and in a harsh tone forced me to come. Even Ana was forcing me to join. The didn’t ask but was forcing me to come. I don’t like doing things against my will. To add to things, my head was hurting so much at the time. I then replied in a harsher tone,
“Ahhhh!! Who do you think you are to force me!!! I’ll make it simple!!! Find someone else!!” I then stormed away and left back to my foster home. As I left, they were shocked with my reply.
That evening, everyone had to introduce themselves in front of the students. As we did, we told a few white lies, here and there. But Oat’s introduction was what really got everyone’s attention. What she said caught us by surprise. She went calmly in front of the room. She stood facing everyone there. She introduced her name and course she was taking in UPM and then she said,
“Like I said earlier, my name is Norsa’adah. But you guys can call me hmm…. Ok. You guys can call me Nur Nilam Sariiiiii.”
What?? Everyone stopped talking at looked at her. As we did, she began laughing out loud, “HAHAHAHAHA………” What just happen? Everyone was confused. For all that we knew, Oat was having a wonderful time. Later on, we were then paired up and asked to handle a group of students. I was paired up with Maz. Maz was ok, she was rather nice. There was also a girl in our group named Mas. Maz and Mas, it sounded it like one of those advertisement companies. In the group, we did a few activities. During these activities we were given instruction to elaborate on the moral values that came out of the activities. We were also told to make them aware about the importance of education. That night we did a little of preparation for the following night. We rehearsed our performance and made final adjustments to the setting of the stage.
The following day, the boys had the football match and the girls had a netball match. As the both matches went on, I accompanied Tepung and Sarahanas to Tepung’s house. He had some errands to do. When we got back, they had finished. We won both matches. After the game, we did some last minute rehearsal. At noon, we headed back to our houses. That evening, we were supposed to meet at the mosque to start cooking for that night’s dinner. Just after we had finished cooking, Marini, Esah, Maz, Neety and I went to Mas’s house. We promised earlier that we would visit. That evening, the whole area was blacked out. There was no electricity anywhere. Bonbon, Berong, Tocheng Warung and I had to prepare everything for that dinner in total darkness. We also had to come up with a back up plan. We then decided to move the venue from the hall to a more open place. So carried more than 100 chairs out to the basketball court. As Bonbon went to buy candles, Berong and I had to slice the watermelon in the dark. I can assure you that it wasn’t easy. To our luck, as we were cutting the fruit the lights went back on. We then had to move everything back to the hall. I remember snapping at Kak Ina that night. I was tired. The menu for that night wasn’t as we initially planned. Kak Ina nagged at me about the whole thing. I was hearing complaint just about from everyone. I couldn’t take it no more. I was merely helping around but for some reason everyone made me take responsibility for the whole night. Why? I remember just leaving everything as it was and left. I couldn’t take the complaints anymore so I let them do the work. That night ended with a sight of relief.
The following morning we had a ‘sukaneka’. It was a set of various events between teams. This was sport for the kids. The events were such as a three legged race, water balloon tossing and much more. The events ended around noon. When then headed back to our foster homes. That evening was the closing ceremony. Our bus would then come and take us home right after the ceremony ended. As the ceremony came to its end, everyone took pictures and said goodbye to their families. We were then off. We were off two our real homes. For the participants, our five day there was fun for them but for those in management, we were tired. All I can say about our five days there was that it was an unforgettable experience. Think of it as you may.














Year Four – Dodging around


Now in a whole new year, things changed. At first, Kak Ina, Surya, Esah, Leo and Ana appealed to the principal. Due to some circumstance only Ana’s and Leo’s appeals were granted. Honestly, I prayed for their appeal to be rejected. Why, you ask? It was because I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand to see my friends in such predicament. It was in their best interest for them to leave Second. Why should they stay if the people here kept on back stabbing them? It just wasn’t worth it. At least staying at their new place would give them some sense of peace. A few weeks into the semester and it was family week once again. This year, Babat was elected as ‘penghulu’ to the Star family.

The first family meeting was held and Kenyalang Hall. I remember that day clearly. Babat was handling the meeting. Ana and Marini had arrived a tad bit late. After the introduction, we began discussing the fee. A small misunderstanding had occurred with certain parties resulting with Ana and Marini leaving the room. We don’t know what the reason for her departure was but many interpreted her actions as being a bit rude and inconsiderate. Her act was considered as not wanting to support the group. I kept my opinion to myself. It wasn’t my place to judge. At our third meeting, Ana attended. She met with Babat in private. They then resolved the misunderstanding by themselves. That very night, Sekoi came to my room and said to me,
“You’re right, something is happening between them.”
Sekoi began to see what I knew since last semester. He also agreed that it was going to happen within this year. But Sekoi and I made a pact. We promise not intervene with their situation. We’ve had our share of being the middle man and if something goes wrong we’re always the one left to blame. So we decided to let fate take its natural course.
During this year’s Family week I was the one tensed. Why you say? Let me start with this. In the same week, I had three midterms. All three of them were killer subjects. Seeing that my friend was in charge, I stole some time from my studies to help him. This was the part that got my pissed off. I don’t mind helping my friends but once they treat my like their slave, that’s just too much. I remember the day of the closing ceremony. Our group was asked to handle the grilling of the Satay’s. That evening and later that night I had two midterm papers. So I told Babat that I couldn’t help with the grilling nor could I enter the Choral Speaking contest. I wasn’t even sure if I would make it back in time for the closing ceremony. When I told him he looked at me like I was trying to run away from my responsibilities. I was going to say something about it but I figured it was just me. So I went for my test. The first paper was ok but the second one was a flop. I couldn’t answer a single question. You can ask Farouk, she saw my results. I got a big 0/20 for my Advance Calculus. Anyway, after my paper I went back to see the closing ceremony. To my luck I made it just in time to see our group’s performance. Seeing Comport, Berong and Sekoi in make up was rather hilarious. I was tense from an exam that I knew failed. So I needed the humour to keep me sane. So I laughed. I laughed my heart out. Suddenly I heard Babat from behind me asking me to shut up. He said,
“Shut Up! Do you want our group’s performance to lose!!”
I turned and glared at him. I was ready kick his ass right there and then. Who did he think he was to act so rude! There were many people around, making it impropriate for me to do so. I kept it in. But when I got the chance I was going to give it to him. Did he think I wanted them to lose the competition! I worked 24 hours preparing that stupid script for our Choral speaking team. It was 24 hours that I could’ve used to spend my time studying for the exam that I had just flunked. And he thinks I want them to lose. What an asshole.
In the over all total our group came second. Why didn’t we lose. This time I really want our group to lose. After the closing ceremony ended, everyone gathered for the post mortem. This was the time I was going to give it to him. Just before I could, Sekoi saw my rage. He then stopped me. He asked me what the problem was. I then told him. I told him that I was going to bash Babat. He stopped me. He didn’t let me anywhere near Babat. He told me to go somewhere else and cool off. Eventually when I cool, I’ll let things go. And I did. Babat has this reputation at Second as being this nice little boy but man, were they wrong. He’s no less a scoundrel then I. I let it be. What would people think if they heard that G.B hit poor little defenseless Babat. I’d probably get top billing on the all jerks bulletin board. So I let slide away. But after that, if he wronged me even a bit. Sorry to say but I’d tell him off at that very instance. That was his first strike against me. It’s like baseball. Strike one and two, I’ll let it pass by but if he strikes again, he’s out. The only good thing I can say that came out from this year’s Family week is that Comport and I had made ourselves another ally, Gasket. From there our friendship turned out to be as it is until this very day.

After the Family week, The Inter-block cleanliness was going to be held in a couple of weeks. For an entire two weeks, everyone in Helang worked hard on cleaning and decorating Helang. When the day arrived, everyone was allowed in each others block to see what they had accomplished. The boy’s were allowed in the girls block and vice versa. Helang Boys got together as they visited every block A few days after the judging was held, they announced the winner. It was being announced while we were having a block meeting. Everyone then went into the Ababil Park to hear the announcement on the speaker. They announced,
“The Winner of this year’s Cleanliness competition is …….. Helang Block!”
Hearing the result, everyone in Helang cheered. First we ran into the middle of the Volleyball court and sang our Block’s official anthem. We then went to every single block and sang it again and again in front of the blocks. We were happy. The happiest of all was Jinggo. He was in charge of handling our block’s cleanliness. All the effort and hard work we put in finally paid off. Every senior then began scattering to save their own lives. Anyone caught was thrown into the pond in the Ababil Park. The night ended with plenty of splashes.
This semester, I was avoiding Babat, Ana, Tepung and a few others. This left me a lot of time with Farouk and Nini. Mostly it was Farouk. Farouk and I took a couple of the same subjects. So we’d spend time at the study hall, studying. Believe it or not, I did study. I was turning over a new leaf. Kak Ina, Surya, Bob and Esah were staying at their new place in Serdang. About once a week, I’d go and visit them. It was usually when I was flat broke. Every time I visited, there always seemed to be some snacks in the house.
I wasn’t able to attend this year’s BAKSIS which was held at an institute for the disadvantage in Bangi. Comport too couldn’t make it. We both had some thing more important to do. We needed our rest. It’s been tense semester. We needed a break from our studies, social activities including our involvement in Kebajikan. We needed to simply get away from the world. Life at Second and in Kebajikan was becoming less fun. It could’ve been because of our age. If you realized it, both Comport and I didn’t attend any more Kebajikan meetings. At least I still joined most of their activities. Comport himself disappeared all together from Kebajikan. The both of us had too many family problems, studies, financial and this whole thing with our self esteems. It just began diminishing. We felt old. It was no longer our time. Our time had passed and it was time of those from Babat’s and Nalla’s batch. From what I had heard, BAKSIS IV was a success.
This semester, I began spending most of my time at three places. At the study hall to study, at Helang to sleep and rest and at ‘Kembar’ just to have a drink. No alcoholic drinks were involved, OK. After BAKSIS had ended, Ana helped Selasih with this girl he was into. Her name was Masmurah. Selasih did everything possible to win her heart but I guess it just wasn’t enough. You can’t blame her. She had her heart set on someone else. You just can’t force these things. This was Selasih’s second heart break. This one was more hurting than his first. Ok, I’ll tell you the story. At first, Selasih had this crush on Maz. You know, the girl I met during the time in Muar. But a crush is just a crush. At Gua Musang, when the Reccers team had this High Risk activity. Selasih got to know this girl. The girl’s name was Ain. During the early stages of their acquaintances Selasih considered her only as friend. But as time flew by he began having feelings for her. Well, time has a reputation for doing so. Its part of the job. Somewhere along the line, I remember receiving news that somebody told Ain that Selasih was only befriending Ain only to get close to Maz. Some people are just so evil hearted. Till this very day we still don’t know who’d want to hurt Selasih. But from the looks of it somebody did. So Ain started avoiding Selasih. Some how, because of the person bad mouthing him, Selasih begun gaining a bad reputation for something he didn’t do. He had gotten a bad reputation for simply falling in love. Isn’t life weird?

Seven weeks in the semester and it was now the semester break. We had a one week holiday. Sekoi, Comport and I didn’t go back for vacation. We stayed at Helang. Babat, and Selasih were busy with the leadership course. It was the third day of our vacation, around 1 a.m. Most of those staying at Helang for the holidays were out. They received news of a spot check for those staying illegally at Helang for the week. They went to Uptown. The only ones left at Helang were Comport, Sekoi, Bontot, Caduk, Kentut and I. Bontot was too tired to go anywhere so he slept in his room. The rest of us went to get a bite. Caduk’s bike was parked at the back, in the dark. Before leaving, we had just told some ghost stories. You could imagine the fright on his face having to go to the back all alone. He actually ran to get out of there quickly. UPM’s front gate was closed so we had to use a side exit. We had to go out through the fields beside the tennis court. From there we took an alternate route that leads us to UPM’s mosque. We then had to lift our motorbikes to pass the sidewalk. They whole process seemed like what we would call a ‘gotong royong’. You should’ve been there. It was Caduk’s first time going out the back way so we asked him to follow us. He did as we told him to. He exactly as we told him to. Comport and I fell into this small pothole, being it was dark and so. Caduk saw the pothole and us falling into it. Rather than avoiding the pothole he too went into it. That is what I call, following orders. I guess, next time we have to be more specific with our orders. The week ended and class had begun.

What happened next? Let me have a minute to recollect. Ok….. We already went through the family day and BAKSIS…. Oh yeah, now I remember. I spent most of my time this semester studying. I studied, studied and studied night after night. I had to find a way to confiscate for the zero I got during my midterms. Time flew by damn swiftly. When I finally realized, it was again time for MAK. Do you want you to hear something funny? They elected Babat as Chairman and me as his Vice Chairman for this program. This must’ve been Sekoi’s doing. I remember him daring me to try taking larger responsibilities in Kebajikan. Usually they’d give me odd jobs, like in charge publicity, security transportation and such. I was going refuse the offer especially having Babat in charge. I just can’t work with him. But like I said, Sekoi dared me. He wanted to know if I was all talk. So I took it. After I took to the job, things happen as I suspected it would. Let me tell you a bit on how I work. If it was my project, I would like for my top 7 and I to have full control of it. Let us plan the dinner. Give us a chance to do it our way. Let us prove ourselves worthy. Wouldn’t you want to do that? Well in this case, Babat was THE MAN. So I let him decide. It’s not that I didn’t have any objection on the way things were done nor didn’t I have ideas but Babat did exactly as Tepung wanted. I voiced out my opinions but the way things was done it was like Babat was going to do it Tepung’s way. And only Tepung’s way it was. I can honestly say for a few of the top 7, we were incharge only by name. The power to run things was in the hands of a person who’s supposed to be not even an advisor but only an observer. To be honest, I take don’t take pride or pleasure in the success or failure of this activity. I didn’t care much whether it failed or succeeded. The only thing I was concern of were the people under my care. During the duration of the preparation was when Tepung and I began to our feud. So sorry to say but if I think you’re wrong, I won’t agree with you. I have my own mind. I’m not simply a person’s errand boy. You get my drift?
It was the evening before the dinner. I had a few other engagement at t he time. I simply asked Babat to hold the phone number of the manager of IDEAL. It was a safety precaution in case I lost mine. I can honestly say I asked him in a most polite manner. His response was,
“WHY DON’T YOU HOLD IT! I’M BUSY!”
Was it me or did the temperature just rise? Remember what I said earlier? Strike two, one more he’s OUT! I kept my cool. But I think Diana and Bal noticed my sudden change. I wanted to hit somebody. I let it slip away. I had planned to skip the function since about a couple of weeks ago. The only reason I didn’t was because Sekoi and Comport reminded me on how bad things would be for Kebajikan if the V.C for the program didn’t attend. If you ask me, it wouldn’t make much different. As a sign of respect towards Comport and Sekoi, I went. After a brief dinner and giving an unprepared speech. I spent the rest of the night in the P.A room. My excuse was to make sure nothing went wrong during the entire dinner. After dinner ended, I left. I walked back that night. I walk with Eton and these two girls I just recently knew. They were Masriana and Ida. Personally, I didn’t like Eton much but since the pass few weeks I respected a few things he handled. And another thing, was the both of us were beginning to hate Tepung’s guts. Honestly, I still avoid meeting Tepung. He often annoys me.

After the dinner was over I felt relieved. Not because of my so-called responsibility ending but I felt relieved for my fellow colleague that gave it their all to try making the dinner a success. After MAK had ended, it was the finals once again.
Do you remember who was amongst the people that stayed in Second trying to make the, adopt a student program a success. They were, Bonbon, Sekoi, Kak Ina, Nini, Warung and Fid. Warung couldn’t make it so the rest of us with the addition of Buyut and Bai planned a trip to Congkak River. We were going to have a picnic. Why didn’t I invite Tepung, Eton, Comport or anyone else? Well, Comport had a test that evening and for the rest, I just didn’t want to. Let me explain why. I remember a few days earlier during the discussion about having a small get together. The get together was supposed to be simple. Invite, prepare the food then eat. Isn’t that simple? But every time we get Tepung, Eton or the others involved it becomes a huge massacre. Something that could be easily executed becomes a might happen. If they got involved, I can’t guarantee that the picnic would just become a might happen situation. Making it short and simple is what made it a success. Although with minor mishaps we made it back and forth. What mishap? Well the car we rented was in an unfortunate accident. Luckily no one got hurt. The accident couldn’t be prevented. It’s amongst the thing you don’t plan and just happens. You resolve it as it occurs. They were kind of shook up but besides that everyone was alive.
During this week, the old board of Kebajikan wanted to hold a dinner for its departing seniors. The plan was going fine until Tepung decided to step in. He had no authority in this matter. But Tepung was busybody, a nuisance that just didn’t know how to take a hint. Thing’s got out of hand and a huge argument between Eton and both Bonbon and Tepung. In this case, I without a doubt took Eton’s side. To me, it wasn’t Tepung’s place interfere. After a huge battle the get together happened but a little late then promised. I went, but only to help with the preparations. I didn’t touch any of the food there. Why? Because in the end, the ones supposed to be enjoying the meal were the ones that didn’t attend. It just didn’t feel taking advantage of some one else hardworking effort. If I’m not mistaken, that was the night when Babat and Ana declared themselves a couple. I didn’t know at the time.
A couple of days later, a bunch of members from Kebajikan decided to go bowling together. I joined them. Who else went besides me? Let me see, there were Babat, Tepung, Sekoi, Ana, Oat, Hasni, Diana, Netty, Bonbon, Selasih, Bal, Caduk, Jabir, Hana and a few others if I’m not mistaken. During our time there, you could see how intimate Babat and Ana were. I remember seeing Babat putting on a sweater over Ana. At the time I didn’t know they were a couple but I suspected. I remember those who didn’t know about Ana’s and Babat’s status kept asking me. The only response I could give was, I didn’t know and if they wanted to know they had to ask either Babat or Ana themselves. I found out about them only a couple of weeks later. During our time there, I spent most of it talking to Oat. Getting to know her a tad bit more. She was hilarious. It was like having Comport’s twin in character. Not long after, the semester came to an end. While the new Top 7 of Kebajikan with Babat as its president went back to enjoy the comfort of their homes, Bonbon, a retired V.P was left with the job of following up with the paper work for the upcoming semester’s activity. Isn’t that nice. First day on the job and they’re already sitting back with their feet up on the desk. It wasn’t that Sekoi and I didn’t care about what was going to happen to Kebajikan but we figured it was time for them learn to do it themselves. We didn’t mind assisting but what Bonbon was doing was slavering himself. Not only what he was doing babying them but preventing them from becoming independent. I could honestly say that the only reason Kebajikan’s activity were still on was because basically, from where I was standing it looked like as if Bonbon was the President rather than Babat. Like Sekoi said, you can’t always play dad. Sometimes you need to let the boy become the man.
The holidays were here. Bonbon, Sekoi and I had no idea on how to spend it. Actually we had plenty of ideas we just didn’t know which one to go on with. Finally, we remembered Iyat’s wedding was coming up soon so we decided to go to Terengganu. A week before the wedding, all of us went home to get some cash for the trip. About three days later, our plan was set. Bonbon contacted Babat and asks if we could stay at his house for a couple of days. After getting Babat’s parents approval we were off. Sekoi had arrived back at UPM a day earlier. The following day, around 10 o’clock Sekoi came to pick me up at my house. After a lot of begging and groveling, my parents gave me permission to go. Just before we left my house, Bonbon called me. He asked me to bring a couple of tents and sleeping bags along. At first I thought he was joking but then I realized that he wasn’t. Trying to fit everything on one motorcycle was impossible so we brought on one sleeping and tent. Sekoi and I had to share a haversack to fit everything on the bike. We then headed on Sekoi’s bike towards the footsteps of Genting Highlands where we promised to meet Bonbon. During our whole journey to the rendezvous point I had one hand holding a huge sleeping bag and on the other hand was a plastic bag full with rations. It was as if Sekoi’s bike was no longer a bike but more like lorry. At least that’s what everyone else said seeing us pass by. Luckily I didn’t bring the other sleeping bag and tent as Bonbon wanted. If we did, we’d probably have to ride on the ‘Heavy Vehicles lane’. Bonbon and his ideas just go without saying. Why did we bring a tent? Well, after the wedding, we planned to stop anywhere and do a bit of camping. We arrived at Bonbon’s house at about 2 p.m. There we had lunch before heading towards Babat’s house. We decided to leave the tent and sleeping bag at Bonbon’s house. It’s too much of a burden. Do you know what else Bonbon wanted to bring? Yeah? Well here goes, he wanted to bring an electric rice cooker into the middle of the forest. Where did he plan to plug it in? Up some one’s nose? As you can imagine, that idea too was out.
We left from Bonbon’s house around 4 o’clock. Around 6 o’clock, we arrived at a turn off junction. One way was heading to Kuantan and the other was heading towards Terengganu. Bonbon said from there, he knew the way so we took his word. On we rode. For another three hours we went on still no sign of Babat’s home. It wasn’t until Bonbon ask me to look for a place called Pak Itam’s Chalet did I suspect we were lost. What got Sekoi and I worked up was Bonbon constantly saying “We’re almost there” when it obvious that we were close to nowhere. We then stopped to have dinner. While having dinner we tried thinking about where we were supposed to spend the night. Besides Bonbon’s Pak Itam’s Chalet idea, ideas such at staying at a mosque came up. Some of us even regretted not bring the tent. If we did, at least my idea could’ve work. We could’ve camp by the roadside till morning before continuing our journey. Don’t laugh it’s not a stupid idea. Ok, maybe it was but we were running out of options. As we were brainstorming, to our luck Babat called. He asked where we were. After describing the place, he said that we were way off course. He set a rendezvous point. The direction he gave was easy to follow. It was about a 20 minute ride to the rendezvous point. Babat and his parents arrived about 15 minutes after we did. His parents then brought us to dinner. After dinner we headed to Babat’s house. I’ve often read in stories about going down dark scary roads but if you haven’t been on one you won’t know how it actually feels. So if you want to experience it, go to Babat’s in the middle of the night. All you can see is only a few meters ahead and behind you. The rest is total darkness. Bonbon had even mistaken a cow lying in the middle of the road for a ghost.
We arrived at Babat’s house, we watched a bit of t.v before going to bed. All I can remember is that Babat and Bonbon fighting over a packet of twistie`s hotstuff. Both of them said that they were qualified because each of them had won a hotstuff competition each. My only comment to that is that in both cases it was a bias decision. There is one thing that I remember. It was that Bonbon joking around with my handset, acting like someone called which was impossible. Why? Because the only cellular phone line able to be received was ATUR (010) and mine was the cheapest line available, Adam (017). The night ended and we went to bed. The next morning we woke up and had breakfast. I think it was more like brunch. After brunch, we headed towards Kuantan. We wanted to go sight seeing. We left around 10 and arrived at Kuantan about noon. At Kuantan, after we found our way we did a little browsing and played a couple of frames of bowling. Yeah, we got lost again. Go figure. It was Bonbon’s home state, not mine. Our bowling game went quite alright. Sekoi won, I came in second Bonbon third and Babat did even make 100 points. Pity him. Something that happened at the bowling alley had me wondering. Are all Pahangnians like that? Bonbon was joking around with the cashier there. He was making armpit jokes. I don’t get their sense of humour. We didn’t do much at Kuantan. After lunch, we headed back to Babat’s house. It was over a 90 kilometer ride one way. The total for the day’s journey was about 200 kilometers. On our way back to Babat’s house it rained. At first it was pouring lightly so we decided to continue our ride but suddenly heavy rain began storming. All soaked, we decided to continue our journey. By the time we got to Babat’s house, we were soaking wet. We got changed and then watched T.v. Later that evening, we’d played a bit of badminton. It was more like we were being played by the game. The night continued as the previous. But this night was a bit different. Babat found the video tape for MAK IV. It covers me giving a speech. I think it was a speech. All I know was that they were laughing at me. Hahahahaha, really funny. So I got a bit of a stage fright, can you blame me? Anyway,we joked around again that night. Today, we went to sleep early. The next day was Iyat’s wedding and we didn’t want to miss it.

Early the next morning, we got up. Took a shower, ate breakfast and left. The night before, we asked Babat’s dad for direction. He told us to remember the way. He said that Babat would be as helpful as a log. Hmmm…. How would you feel if your own father doubting your sense of direction in front of your friends. Isn’t that humiliating? Before 10 o’clock, we left for Iyat’s house. Babat’s, house was situated at Kemamam and Iyat’s was at Dungun. It was a 70 kilometer ride to Iyat’s house. We arrived at Iyat’s house around 11 a.m. they had just finished with the ‘akad nikah’. The wedding was on Friday. After the ‘akad nikah’ the wedding was to be resumed around 2 p.m., after the Friday prayer. We arrived rather early so we went around town for a while. We went to see the local UiTM. It was by the beach side. Cool, they could go swimming just about every evening. We went walking along the beach. When we got tired, we’d stop at a beachside stall for some drinks. The wind was blowing quite strongly. There was a boy riding his bicycle crossing the winds path. He had to struggle from being knocked down sideways. It was quite a hilarious sight. I guess it’s something you had to see to appreciate its humour.
Soon it was 1 o’clock. We went to the mosque for our Friday prayers. After our Friday prayers had ended, we went to Iyat’s house for her wedding ceremony. Iyat’s house wasn’t far from the mosque. It was only two houses down the road. As everyone else went inside to see the bride and groom ‘bersanding’, Sekoi, Babat, Bonbon and I watched from outside. We were too shy. We simply stood outside and joked around. Our joking around came to a point that everyone began staring at us. Isn’t it a wonder? We were embarrassed to enter and watch the ceremony but not embarrassed to make fools of ourselves. I don’t know why but fooling around just comes so naturally to us. After the ‘bersanding’ ceremony had ended Rina, Surya, Liza, Bob, Ayu and Esah came and joined us outside. Didn’t I tell you? They too came to the wedding. NO, not with us. They came by bus and spent a night at Iyat’s house. Iyat was among their closes friend. You don’t think they’d miss a friends wedding do you? Well, after coming outside, they began nagging us about our laughing aloud. But go figure. After their nagging, they then joined us laughing. Something about the ceremony left us boys with a question. Who was the one getting married? You should’ve seen how the six of them got dressed. It was like they were attending their own wedding. Not to offend anyone but from my experience girls often dress like so. Why? You can answer that later. Back to the wedding. It was around 5 p.m. and the clouds seem to be getting darker. We decided to head back. We said our congratulations and goodbyes to both bride and groom and then left. About an hour later we were at Babat’s house. We were able to beat the rain. We spent the rest of the evening playing around Babat’s house.

Day turned to night and night turned back to day. Again it was morning. Sekoi had gotten up early and ate breakfast while the rest of us were asleep. After breakfast he went back for a nap. Babat then got up and reheated the breakfast. Babat then woke us up for breakfast. He then had the mordacity to lie about cooking breakfast. His only mistake was Sekoi waking up earlier than him to witness his mother cooking the breakfast. Busted!!! Ish..ish… kids now days. Simply taking credit for other’s hard work. Ish…ish…ish… After having lunch, we went sight seeing at the nearest town. The nearest town was a forty five minute ride. You can imagine how far his house was from civilization. Still the area he lived in was kind of relaxing. There wasn’t much in the town. So simply went around town taking pictures. It was to prove to the boys of Helang that we really did make it to Terengganu. Do you actually think they’d believe us without any proof? NEVER!! After gathering enough evidence of us actually arriving at Terengganu we headed back to Babat’s house. At first we wanted to go bowling but we couldn’t find a single bowling alley in Terengganu. The next day we didn’t do much. We stayed in the whole day and watched t.v. That night, was the second time of the week, we slept a bit earlier than usual. We were leaving for home the morning.
We woke up early that morning. We wanted to make sure that we said our gratitude to both Babat’s parents before they left for work. After saying our thanks and having breakfast Sekoi, Bonbon and I were on our way off home. At first we arrived at Bonbon’s house. We had a late lunch then headed to Lentang. We were too tired and broke so we decided not to go camping but rather a pit stop to go swimming at Lentang. We didn’t expect Babat’s house to be so far from civilization. We over spent our budget mostly on petrol. On our way from Bonbon’s house to Lentang, it began raining. Seeing that we were going for a swim, we decided to go through the rain. When we got to Lentang, we were surprised to see some changes been made. It was more of an improvement than change. We then went for a swim. It was already late when we got there so we only had a short swim. After packing back our bags, we parted. Bonbon went home while Sekoi and I went to my house. Sekoi spent the night at house. The next day we went to UPM to check our results. We then returned to my house about 2 p.m. Sekoi made a sudden decision to head for home. At first he was going to leave for home early the next morning but he suddenly decided not to wait. Sekoi and I have this habit. We sometimes just go with the moment and that was what Sekoi was doing. He took his bags and just left. If the moment comes and it’s here right now. Why wait for tomorrow when you know tomorrow never comes. Sekoi arrived home around dinner time that night.

It was again a new semester. Only a couple of weeks into the semester and the fasting season began. Comport extended the semester. He stayed home for the semester trying to earn money to pay for the tuition fee. With Comport away for the semester, I had only one wing man, Sekoi. This semester, I joined Berong Sekoi and Eton for breaking fast. We broke fast with simple ordure. We’d have our dinner around 9.30 just after our ‘Tarawikh prayers’. For Sekoi and Berong that was about it. They didn’t have any sahur for the following day. I on the other hand had sahur around 2- 3 a.m. For the first couple of weeks I went by myself. I then began going out to sahur with Gasket and Buyut.
I also heard news about Babat and Ana breaking up some time in the early stages of the semester. I thought it was only rumours. Just earlier that day I heard Babat talking on the phone to girl. From the way he was talking, it was like some one talking to their girlfriend. You know, the mushy talks. So I figured that somebody was playing a prank or something on me. It wasn’t until Bonbon and Caduk coming to see individually did I know. I then went to tell Sekoi the rumours. He was about to begin his prayers. After listening to the rumours only then did he begin to pray. After his prayers, he turned to me and said,
“What kind of joke is this? Kids and their holiday flings. I just don’t get it. One minute madly in love the other minute just mad. I don’t understand them.” Babat didn’t dare approach either Comport, Sekoi or I with the news. He knew what our reaction would be. During the beginning of the relationship he promised love and cherish forever and many other sweet words. See how it all ends up. Simply with false hopes and broken dreams.

This semester, I was taking algebra with Selasih. We were in the same class. Every alternate day, I’d go to Selasih’s room to awaken him for class. But only once every 4 times did he wake up. Every single time he gave me the same excuse. He said that he was going to the Student’s Affairs office to settle the paperwork for Kebajikan’s annual intimacy camp. I let him be, simply because I wanted the camp to be a success. Kak Ina had recently gone home. She had finished her degree. The people out of Helang that I probably kept contact with were Farouk and Nini. I remember, I was applying my hide away policy. I avoided people simply for no reason. With Comport gone, I wanted to give full concentration to my study. Failing last semester’s mid term didn’t do well for my CGPA. Last year was the last Open week held by Second. Since then it ceased to exist. I spent most of the semester hanging out with Sekoi. We felt left out, in Second. The only thing that kept us involved in Second was Kebajikan. I‘ve been a member of Kebajikan for four years and Sekoi had been for six. It’s been so many years and so much experience we’ve had in Kebajikan. We wanted to make sure that it didn’t fall apart. But slowly it did. I remember a saying, ‘A leader who sends his troops into with out a single doubt or hesitation isn’t a leader at all’. I respect those who are willing to take the responsibility of being a leader, for god knows I probably would’ve backed down. But let me remind you this. If you are brave enough to take the responsibility than make sure you act responsible. As a leader, it isn’t for you to do what is in your best interest but for you to act in the best interest for those under you. Sometimes you have to sacrifice, its part of the job. I don’t mind having Babat or Selasih as friends but as leaders I’d trade them in any day. They’re too stubborn. They’d only take advice from one or two persons even though those one or two persons or wrong. You should know that no one’s perfect. You can’t always be right. That’s one of the reason Kebajikan began falling down an endless pit. Sekoi is a person that doesn’t like talking in meetings but it came to point where Sekoi got up and went on commenting for about forty-five minutes. It was the first time I’ve seen Sekoi do that. And do you want to know what their reaction was? Well they didn’t speak to Sekoi for a couple of days. Is that a healthy attitude for leaders? Can’t take criticisms? Comport came back around a couple of months before the end of the semester. He too gave a few advices to both of them but no effort was made to improve themselves. This is what happens from babying some one for so long. Kebajikan had plenty of problems with their intimacy camp but it went on and ended. If they considered the camp a success, I’d beg to differ. If it was a success, it wasn’t because those two. But due to Sekoi, Ana and Bonbon’s efforts. After the camp had ended, I met most of the participants around campus. They then opened the subject of the intimacy camp. They had plenty to say. They commented on this and that and how unsatisfying the way things were manage and stuff. The previous day I had almost bitten Bonbon’s head off. Why? Well I was at Helang’s foyer with my mind on my study and I was waiting for Comport to call. He had gone home for a while and wanted me to pick him up. I then heard Bonbon calling me. He was in front of his room shouting for me. From the tone of his voice I thought I had wronged him or something. He shouted for me as if he was a senior calling out a freshman. That is what made me think I’ve done something to make him angry. So I went to his room to see what it was that I’ve done. I had to hurry. I had Comport pick up and assignments to be finished. So I entered his room and asked what the matter was. He then laid it on me. He asked me if I knew that Kebajikan lost the best organization award to MIT. I asked him, was that it? He then nodded. What? He called me up for that? I went two storeys up only having to return down in a matter of seconds only to hear him ask me that. If he had called politely or told me to come up later I wouldn’t have mind but he said, “G.B COME UP HERE RIGH NOW!!”. I thought it was a matter of urgency. I was tired and had a migraine coming. I remember saying to him that I agreed with who ever decided MIT to win because I honestly think they deserved it. I watched them during the past couple of years. I watched how they got organized and ran things. They were much more definitely deserving than Kebajikan for the award. I then left the room to pick up Comport and then headed to our room to finish my assignment. Oh, yeah. Didn’t I tell you? Comport and I were roommates this semester.
The following day, I went to see Bonbon in private. I went to apologize for almost biting his head off. It was impropriate. We then got into a discussion on Kebajikan. I then told him about the comments towards the intimacy camp given by everyone else. I told them that I had to agree with them because it was true. I told him that at first, I let everything slip by because I didn’t think anyone else would notice. But after hearing their comments I realize it was too obvious to hide. If only the organizers noticed the problems everything wouldn’t be much of a problem but even those who were merely participants could see what was happening. This meant that something was wrong. I had a history with both Babat and Selasih so I told Bonbon because I didn’t want things to go out of hand if I met them myself. Bonbon than started giving excuses for the both of them. I then reminded him that I didn’t come to meet him to hear excuses. If I wanted to I could ask just about anybody involved. I came to deliver a message to improve Kebajikan’s work ethics. Everything became one big blur. I remember Bonbon bring up past years agenda. We then got into a hectic discussion. It wasn’t until Bonbon turned to me and pointed his finger at my face did I begin to get worked up. I pushed his finger away and told him to relax. I’m not one of his juniors if he thinks he could simply pull a stunt like that on me. Our hectic discussion than turned into a huge argument. He was reenacting the exact same thing Sakai did to me when I was defending his honour. What he said was like I didn’t care bout what was going to happen to Kebajikan. It was like my 5 years in Kebajikan did earn any right to an opinion. It was like Kebajiakan belonged to him. Only his way was right and everyone else’s were wrong. He must’ve thought I didn’t care for Kebajikan’s well being when all I did was for Kebajikan’s best interest. I didn’t want to go on with this never ending debate so I got up. I told him that Kebajikan was all his and he was free to do as he wished. I then told him that if he really thought I didn’t care about Kebajikan I’d prove him right. I told him that I was stepping down and I was no longer a member of Kebajikan. The floor was his. I then went back to my room and hanged out with my true friends, Comport and Sekoi. I then told Sekoi and Comport what happened and I was through with the likes of Bonbon and Kebajikan.
Just before my feud with Bonbon, I begin to spend a lot of my time with Kentut. At the time, compared to Babat and Selasih, Kentut was easier to deal with. He knew how to respect others and could take a comment even a harsh one. Unlike Babat and Selasih, Kentut wouldn’t avoid the person that had recently commented his ways. Instead avoiding them he’d embrace them more. You could see that he really wanted to learn. The more opinion or suggestion we gave him the more his efforts was to improve himself. Within the finals, Kentut and I became each others ally. Every time that he wanted my insight about anything whether it was studies, work or even girls he’d invite me to Helang’s roof top so we could a private discussion. On the roof, everything was concealed and the view of the sky was marvelous. It came to appoint when it was more like or weekly get away spot. Since the absence of Kak Ina, like I said, Farouk and Nini were my confidants. But I was closer to Nini. It started by each of us stumbling into each others secrets. From there we built ourselves a kind of trust. Whenever she needed a shoulder to depend on I’d be there and vice versa. Still, how did we get close? Ok, when I still schooling, my sister and I had a close relationship. Almost every night after before going to sleep, we’d have our brother and sister chat. She’d tell me what happened at school. She’d talk about her boyfriend, friends and just about everything. Afterwards she’d listen to mine. But since the past few years, we began slipping away. At first there was Kak Ina as a companion but after she had went back home, Nini became the sister that I once had. Nini was someone I was comfortable talking to.

The rest of the semester I spent most of my time with Comport and Sekoi. They were the only two people in Helang that I trusted and still trust. Why? Because we’ve been through worst and best together. Even though many challenges we were faced with, never once did we stab each other in the back. It’s not like we never quarrel but things always got resolved. They were more open minded than the rest. They listened to others opinion before deciding. Unlike most, they either not listen at all or simply listen but for the sake of listening. Before the semester ended, Sekoi was sponsoring a small dinner for all those who had given contribution to Kebajikan. It was his final semester as a student in UPM and wanted to do a bit of something for his friends. I then helped him to organize the entire function. We sent out invitations. It was held on a Wednesday. Around noon, Nini, Sekoi, Farouk and I got started up in the kitchen. We began with the preparation. Sekoi even brought his computer to the dining hall as entertainment. As we prepared we listened to music, played computer games and also watched a movie. When it was time for dinner, everyone arrived. As they ate, I stayed in the kitchen washing dishes and cleaning up. We were the host, so we had put our needs aside. If there were left over only then would we eat. After cleaning, I sat down on the sofa to relax. Oat was there beside me. We began to talk. She then told me her story. I must have a certain character in me. I must have a certain charisma because I’m not sure why but people easily open up to me. Like I promised her, I kept it a secret. Soon, the semester came to an end.

During the 10 weeks holidays, Sekoi and Bayam stayed in UPM to finish their final year project and for their course’s practical. I went back and forth from my house to UPM to attend classes. I was taking a subject during the end terms holidays. Staying at home made it easier for me to concentrate on my studies. From time to time I’d stop by where Sekoi was staying to simply talk. The holidays came and went briefly these days. Because it was soon, going to begin a new term. I came back to Helang a week before the term had began. My room was locked, so I decided to climb in through the window. It’s not like I haven’t done it before. During my early years, I did it quite often. But as I was climbing, I held on to window ledge. One hand was holding the ledge and the other was trying to open my bedroom window. The windows seemed to be stuck. So I gave it a bit of a pull. It opened half way. I then decided to give it another pull. This time not only did the window open but the whole thing came off.
I was holding an entire window frame in my hand. I must’ve pulled too hard because my other hand also lost grip of the ledge. I was now falling. As I fell to the ground, I could see everything in front of me moving in slow motion. In an instant, my life flashed in front of me. “Thud!!” was the sound of me hitting the ground and a cracking sound followed afterwards. The window glass broke into pieces and the framed was bent. I sat there lying for a couple of moment with one leg on the concrete floor and the other in the gutter. I then got up and checked myself for any damage. I could feel my toes and fingers so I assumed I wasn’t paralyzed. My left arm seemed a bit numbed but I reckoned it was due to the fall. Besides that everything seemed be Ok. Our block’s caretaker, Mak Iti came running after hearing my fall. She asked me what had happened. I told her that I fell. She then asked me what I would consider a silly question. She asked me if it hurt. No, no it doesn’t hurt. The bruised and wounds are simply a sign of manhood. Of course it hurts! Damn it! I then went back into Helang. Mak Iti noticed something wrong with my arm. She had a look and saw my elbow had broken in two. She then did a little bit of massaging. Mira, Umpil and Mantoi also woke up to the sound of me falling. Umpil helped me carry the remains of my bags back to my room and Mira brought me to the student’s health center. The nurse put on a temporary cast and then I was sent to UKM’s University Hospital by ambulance. Mira went back to Helang. He had other things to be done. At the hospital I was left there alone. It was hard filling up a form with only one good hand. I was then sent to X-ray my arm. After that they sent me waiting for their diagnosis. They then used a new fiber as cast to support my arms. They told me that my arm needed surgery. At first I didn’t want to go along with it. Where was I supposed to find money for the surgery? My parents didn’t even know I was at the hospital. The doctor said that he would book a date for me first. He then let me go home and confirm it with my parents. As I waited for my turn earlier, I met a man with his son. His son had a minor accident while playing hockey at school. As I was searching for the nearest Komuter station, the man passed me in his car. He asked me were I was headed. I told him back to UPM. He then offered sending me as far as Mines Shopping Complex. So I hitched a ride. From Mines, I took a bus back to UPM. I arrived back at UPM at around three thirty that evening. Sekoi saw me in a cast and laugh at me. I guess it was his way of getting revenge. About more than a year ago, Sekoi cracked his leg while playing softball. I remember teasing and making fun of him. Now it was my turn. By the time I got to Helang they already had a new nick name picked out for me. It was Spiderman. By that night, everyone that was in Second had already heard of my accident. Even Caduk, who was on his way back from Kelantan also heard. That night I told my mom what had happened. She told my brother to pick me up and bring me home. My mom at the time was in Kelantan taking care of my grandma. The next morning, my dad saw my arm and simply shook his head. He didn’t seem angry but more amused. I bet he was wondering how I could have fallen from the window.
My parents agreed to the surgery and ten days later I was in the hospital. It was boring there. I had nothing to do. Luckily I found myself pieces of paper and a pen. I then began to write. It helped me kill time. The night before the operation, they didn’t let me eat. There was a guy at the bed next to mine. He had recently finished his operation. All night I could hear him moaning in pain. I remember saying that he was acting childish but I didn’t think he heard me.
The next day it was my turn for surgery. I was prepared since 8 o’clock for the surgery. Only by eleven was I called in. As they brought me into the operating room I felt kind of nervous. I felt chills going up my spine. The cold of the air conditioner didn’t do much to help me with my nerves. As I waited in the operating room, I could see the doctors getting suited up. They came in and injected some needles into me. They then used this electro thingamajig to determine which nerves to inject the medicine into. They then told me to breathe into a gas mask. I did but nothing seemed to happen. They the told me take another breath.

I remember waking up about 5 hours later in an after surgery room. I was then brought back to the ward. My parents were waiting for me there. I couldn’t see my elbow. It was wrapped in bandages. Around six o’ clock they left for home. Early that evening, I didn’t feel pain. It was because the medicine was still taking effect. The nurse offered me some pain killer but I declined. I told her that I could stand the pain. I went to sleep early that night. Around 1 a.m. I was awakened. The pain finally kicked in. I then began moaning. The guy next me heard my moaning and smiled at me, he said,
“Does it hurt? Ooooo… You’re just being childish.”
Ok, I learned my lesson. I understood his pain. He was nice. He even helped call the nurse for me. The nurse then came smiling. As she injected the pain killer she said,
“I thought you could handle the pain?”
Again I say, I’ve learned my lesson. Please let’s stop with the remarks. The pain killer was effective. I was kind of high. I felt drowsy. Within a few minutes I fell to sleep. I woke up at 6 a.m. and couldn’t go back to sleep. Around eight, I took a bath and got myself another dose of the pain killer. Again I was knocked unconscious. I woke some time that evening. I spent the following night talking to the nurses there. The next morning I was released home. Thank God, I felt mindless in the hospital. The pain at the time was something that I manage to stand. The upside was that I didn’t need to wear a cast anymore.

Year Five – Sweet surrender


It was the following semester and I had returned to UPM. For the first few weeks I skipped class. I had a letter of leave. Although without a cast, my arm wasn’t completely healed. I couldn’t move it much. I couldn’t do much of anything. This left me frustrated. I couldn’t play football, volleyball nor even ping pong. I couldn’t play anything. I felt bored. About three weeks into the semester, I had the stitches and bandages on my arms removed. Although my arm wasn’t in full use but having the bandage removed made it easier for me to take showers. During that semester I missed out on the inter-college Volleyball competition.
A month into the semester and Family week was here again. This year’s celebration felt a bit more tiring. The juniors of Helang this year were mostly unreliable. All they do is give excuses. I felt kind of sad hearing this one news from a junior of Enggang. She said that many juniors were complaining that we, the seniors of Helang didn’t give them any chance to participate in the activities. Do they actually think that we want to take part in any of the activities? We felt old and wanted to retire from these activities. The only reason we took part was to help fill the empty slots left by the juniors. Hearing people say that we didn’t give them a chance really made us rather angry. When we decided to back out, they came to us looking for help. So why was everyone saying we were hogging everything? That’s a habit that I see often happening in Second. Everyone comes to you when they are in need but back stabs you when they are at ease.
After the Family week, Sekoi said his goodbyes and left for home. He was now no longer a student but a graduate. With Sekoi gone things seemed lonelier. At least there was still Comport. I spent most of this semester with Berong, Gasket, Ily and Comport. Well, mainly Comport. He was my room mate. There was no way avoiding him. Early the semester, I purchased I new computer. It was a Pentium 4 with a DVD player and a CD writer. I also bought a sub woofer system with it. Having my own computer made me spend less time outside and more time in my room. A few weeks before Sekoi left, he told me to apologize to Ana. I asked him what for? He said for avoiding her. I then told him what had happened about a year and a half ago. It was a secret that I kept to myself all that time. Then he explained that Ana wanted to make peace. I told him that I wasn’t going to make the first move. It wasn’t me that was the guilty party. The night before leaving, he asked me for a favour. He asked me to make peace with her. He wanted to see his friends getting along. Early of the semester I planned on doing such but after she telling Sekoi, Surya, Nini, Leo and about most of our friends, I was rather embarrassed and a bit worked up. I’ve been avoiding her for almost 2 years and now she starts asking questions. If she asked me I would’ve told her but asking everyone else but me was what got me rallied up. I decided to do nothing and let it be.
It was the semester break and I was going to Kuala Who with about another thirty guys and gals from second. It was a recreational park. We went there to simply enjoy ourselves for the break. We went and had a good time. The week went so swiftly. It was now back to class. A week after the break, Kebajikan was organizing its BAKSIS. This year it was to be held at a Kelang orphanage. At first I didn’t intend to go. But Comport, Ily and I made a pact to go. So, a promise is a promise. The day before leaving, Comport backed out. I wanted to back out too but Ily kept me to my word. The night was now here. Everyone was packed and ready to leave. I took a bag and played I little act. I deceived everyone into thinking I was going. During the hassle, I snuck away. I watched them leave without me. Mission accomplished I thought. Suddenly I received a few SMS message from Bal, Hancing and Ily. They messaged me about being a liar. They said that I promised to go but didn’t. I felt guilty. I then went to my room, stuffed what ever I could into my bag and asked Leha to accompany me. I borrowed Tuak’s motorcycle and hurriedly went after the bus. I was able to catch up with it at the toll plaza. There I knocked on the door. The driver opened the door and let me in. I said thanks to Leha and then he left back for Helang. Everyone was surprised to see me getting on the bus. They started making their own conclusion. They said that I went for an early walk and waited for them at the toll. Yeah, right. As if I had nothing better to do.
Our stay at the orphanage was rather delightful. It was, if you considered being pestered by annoying kids delightful. I played no role during our stay there. All I did was just walking around, talking and laughing. My original plan was to stay only a night there and the following night Ily’s brother was going to send us back to UPM. Ily had a test the following day. Later that night, my plan was foiled. Babat and Hancing too had to go back. They too had exams. This is the part why I respect Hancing more than Babat. They had no transportation to come back to Kelang. Babat was moody. He put on his Blaaahhh face and snapped at about everyone. He wanted to return but didn’t have any means of transportation so he simply gave up and got mad at everyone else. Hancing on the other hand kept calm. Although you could see in his eyes that he too was baffled but he kept his cool. If asked how he was supposed to get back, he simply answered,
“Don’t know. Maybe by bus, taxi or even computer. Just wait and see.”
He stayed calm. That was a leadership quality that Babat doesn’t have. Babat doesn’t know how to respect others and to keep his cool.
During the entire absence of Babat, I could see both Ana and Bai worried. Initially, the plan was to borrow Bai’s car to go back but Bai’s car was needed there. So plans had changed. You could see both Ana and Bai feeling guilty. It was honestly no ones fault. The situation presented itself. The trouble was that they were paying to much attention to the problem and less effort in finding a solution. I don’t remember how but they finally found a way back. That night, when BAKSIS was over another chapter to life had finally closed.

A month later the inter-college softball competition was held. Even though with an injured arm, I made up my mind to participate. I’ve already missed out on both Volleyball and basketball competition. I wasn’t going to miss out on this. This year, we had a chance to make it to the finals and probably win. Our women’s team was an upset. They lost because of their silly mistakes. The men’s team on the other hand, made it to the finals. We were runner up. What can I say? It was proven that the better team did win. Still, second place was rather better than nothing.
Another month later MAK was here once again. This year, we didn’t get approval from the principal so they decided to have it ‘underground’. I didn’t get involve with this year’s preparation. I spent my time worrying about my studies. All I participated in was the Dikir Ria performance. I wasn’t much into the celebration. All I wanted to do was get back to my room. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Sekoi manage to make it for the dinner. That night Sekoi, Comport and I had our old fashioned talks. It was fun having the three of us together again, although for a brief period. The following night, Sekoi left for home. Before he left, he asked on how things were doing between Ana and I. I told him that nothing had changed. He again asked me to reconsider approaching Ana. He said it meant very dearly to him. It wasn’t often that Sekoi would ask me for a favour. It’s usually the other way around.

Into our finals, something happened. This one night, everyone else didn’t feel like eating. I then had dinner alone. As I ate I thought about making peace with Ana. Deep in my thoughts, Ana and Nini were in front of me. When did they get there? How come I didn’t realize them? They then joined me. As we ate, I couldn’t look Ana in the eyes. I felt guilty. Why? I don’t know but I did. I spent my time staring into my plate. I felt like such a dork. Later that night, I was sitting at Pakya when Ana and Hana approached me. Well I thought it was Hana. Hana was being possessed by something. The entity possessing Hana wasn’t a threat. It was more like a child. As we sat there, the entity asked me all sort of questions. You should’ve heard the question it asked. They were mind baffling. Comport soon came along and joined us. We then began entertaining the entity. There was this one question it asked that caught me off guard. It asked,
“Why are you and Ana quarrelling?”
I almost forgot. The entity was some kind of a mind reader. Isn’t that a killer question? My tongue was numbed. I was speechless. Ana then answered the question for me. She said that we were no longer fighting. That was a lie. Well…… It partially was.
In my bedroom, thinking about the question that caught me off guard, my vision began getting blurry and my eyes began to shut.

“Thud!” the sound of me falling on the soft comfort of my bed. Another exhausting day had gone by. Even though nothing much was done today yet, the feeling of exhaust still flew through every inch of my body. I was then approaching 21 years old, although considered just beginning my life, I felt fatigued. Reaching adulthood, life is just so complicated. Living it alone doesn’t make it any easier. Lying helpless on my bed, I turned on my radio. I tuned in MixFM. It was now 8 pm, time for ‘love songs and dedication’ segment. Four hours full with slow and peaceful love songs. Listening to others’ dedicate songs to their loved ones made me feel lonelier
Then suddenly the deejay played a tune that brought back old memories. Masterpiece, by Alantic Starr. Listening to the song made my mind drift away. My mind drifted back through time, five years back in time. Back to the time I met her. Ima, a name that’s remains in my heart forever, always. She was more than another girl, she was MY friend.
Knowing Ima was the high point of my life. She brought joy to this cruel world. She brought hope even though all was lost. She was my guardian angel. Now she’s no longer in this life, I only regret that I wasn’t there when her life ended………ARGHHHHHH!!!! WHY!! WHY HER!! WHY NOT ME!! If I could, I’d give my life for hers.
I can still remember her sweet smile. Her smile just soothes my soul, making my worries disappear. I’ll never forget her smile, NEVER! If I could only see her. See her smile again. It would be enough to comfort me for a lifetime.
Remembering back to the first time we met. We weren’t actually friends at sight. By our second encounter, a sort of rivalry had already formed. Let me see……. Oh yeah, it was just past noon My friends and I were at Mc D’s (Mc Donald). We just completed our PMR trials. Hatta, Fazuan and I were waiting for Reza to come back with our meals. Just sitting at the table made us feel bored. It was Fazuan that came up with what we called a brilliant idea to kill time. He turned, looked me in the eyes and said,
“If you’re man enough, I’ve a dare for you”.
Curious with what he had in mind, I asked,
“Ok, I’m listening, so what is it?”
“You see, that indoor play ground there”
“Yeah”, I answered.
“Well, all I’m asking from you is to enjoy yourself there and just let your inner child has a blast. If you dare, I’ll treat you to a large coke”.
Tempting as it was, I had to decline. I said that it would ruin my reputation and, self-respect. As if I had any. Then as I was going to decline, Hatta interrupted,
“I’ll add a couple of Big Mac if you dare”.
Without hesitation I got up and asked,
“So when do I start?”
What wouldn’t I do for free food? Can you blame me? I’m only human.
Just as I was leaving, Fazuan added,
“And one more thing Fadly. I’d like you to pick on that little kid over there”.
Oh man! I knew the catch would come sooner or later. So ignoring everyone around me, I entered the indoor playground and did as they intended me to do, make a fool of myself. At first I felt embarrassed, but then I begun having fun. It’s been long time since I played in a playground. Especially an indoor playground. After a few minutes of fun or laughter, I went to the second part of the dare. Pester the little boy that was enjoying himself there. I slowly walked towards the boy.
Arriving behind him, I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and looked at me. I then said,
“I’m better looking then you are”.
The boy glared at me and said,
“Uh uh, I am!”.
“No you’re not, ugly boy”, I replied.
“Sez who!”, he said in a angry tone.
“Sez me! I’m bigger then you, so I’m right!” I answered back.
It was then, I saw his eyes begin to fill with tears and rage. He seemed so pissed it as if he wanted to literally beat the hell out of me. Seeing him act so, didn’t make me sad or intimidated but filled me with some kind of enjoyment. I’m not sure why but I got a sick pleasure bullying a small kid. It made me feel powerful. It was probably because I’m usually the one that got bullied. Being in the other person’s shoe felt good this time.
I was about to continue tormenting the kid when, a shadow appeared from behind me. I wasn’t afraid, but something made me look behind. There she was. It was the first time I saw her. There she was standing behind me, Ima Hartiny. Even though I didn’t know her name at the time, the image of her stuck in the back of my head at the very instant. There she was 5’0”, with gentle, silky hair at shoulders length. She had a slightly tanned complexion with a smile that reached deep within my soul. Her smile was so sweet, it left me speechless (trust me when I say, I’m never lost for words). Left there totally speechless, I just starred at her. My whole body felt weak. Stunned there on my knees, I kneeled. It must’ve been a few minute before I regained conscious, at least it felt that way. It was then she spoke out in a sarcastic tone,
“How about picking on someone your own size, or aren’t you man enough?” She continued after a short pause, “Try growing up and act your age. Or are you acting your age already?”
Ish …ish…I felt my man hood being challenged by her remarks. Seeing that she was shorter than me (by only an inch) I stood up, looked at her and answered,
“Sure, I will. When will you grow into yours? Oh, I forgot! You already have”.
Hearing my response, she just grinned a cenacle grin, took the boy by the hand and left. As she was leaving, I heard her say,
“Come on Riz, let us go before that boy’s ego explode”.
After they had left, I was left standing there, alone. Strange, but I didn’t feel angry nor annoyed. I’m not sure why, but I felt anxious for out next encounter. At that same moment, I felt something inside of me saying that we would meet again.
I then returned back to my friends. Back to retrieve what was promise to me. While having our lunch, I told them what had happened. Why there was a girl standing there, and what we said to each other. After they heard my story, they turned to each other and burst into laughter. Come to think of it, it was kind of hilarious.
A week’s time had passed, and our trials were completely over. The end of our trials didn’t leave us with time for relaxation but marked the beginning of our preparations for the main exam itself, PMR. Usually 2 month would be considered a long time, but for those who had to cover 3 years of syllabus would believe otherwise.
Among those who had to do so, were my friends and I. What can I say, but it was a bad habit my friend and I had come accustomed to. So we then began our crash course. Within the first month, we manage to cover the first 2 years of syllabus leaving another year of catching up to do. Feeling exhausted from our all out crash course, we decided to take a break. We decided to catch a movie the following weekend. That weekend, about 9 a.m. we woke up and got ourselves ready to watch Jurassic Park. From the review, we learned that it hit the world by storm so, we figured that it would be worth watching. About 10 o’clock we headed towards our means of transportation. It was the most reliable transportation there was, public buses. Ok……. Maybe they weren’t that reliable but it was all that secondary school students like us could afford. We then headed for Leisure Mall on a broken down bus. If was already half past eleven by the time we had arrived. Seeing that the cinema wouldn’t be open ‘till another half an hour, we decided to go for a stroll. We went window shopping. We went from one shop to the other until we arrived at a music store. There we spent quite a while just looking through the varieties of artist albums that were. Caught up browsing through the varieties of cassettes, we lost track of time. It wasn’t until Fazuan got a glimpse of the time from one of the promoters watch did we realize it was a quarter past noon. With only 5 minutes before the movie began showing we dashed towards the cinema at top speed. We arrived there with about a minute to spare. We asked for the tickets but instead we received shocking news. The movie we wanted to see wasn’t showing. Actually we figured something like this might happen. Every time we left Hatta in charge, something always seems to go wrong. We went to all the trouble to get there in the first place, so we decided to see the movie that was showing. It was entitled ‘French Kiss’. At first we thought it would be a boring movie but we were proved wrong. It was quite nice. It was a romantic comedy about a man and a woman who started out as mere strangers, enemies I would even presume but ended up madly in love with one another.
About half an hour into the movie, I heard voices from beside me. They were chattering and criticizing the movie from beginning till the end. I tried my best to ignore them but it came to the point when I could take it no more. I rose up from my seat and hollered,
“Can’t you guys just SHUT UP!!! We’re watching a movie here. So trying taking your STUPID WISE CRACKS SOMEWHERE ELSE!!”
Hearing my outburst, the cinema became completely silent with the exception of the movie itself. An hour later the movie ended. I was anxious to see who the noise makers were. So patiently I waited patiently at my seat, waiting for the lights to go on. When they finally did, I was shocked to see who was left standing. It was Ima and a couple of her friends.
“Don’t you know how to shut up or is it too hard for you to do????” She said to me. So I simply replied back,
“Look who’s talking!! Miss chatterbox herself. Didn’t anyone teach you manners or was it just too complicated for your puny brain to comprehend????”
She just turned away and simply took off. I knew that she wasn’t the one making the noise earlier. If it was her, I’d know it in an instant. I’d recognize her voice anywhere. But for some reason, I had to argue with every single thing she said. It’s probably my ego. I guess I do have a huge ego after all.
Shortly after they left, we began setting pace towards home. Hatta’s home, that is. Since we started our crash course, we’d spend a week at Hatta’s house, a week at Fazuan’s, a week at mine then back to Hatta’s.
Later that evening, we arrived at Hatta’s house. When we arrived, his parents told us that they were going to a neighbouring house that was a few houses down the street. They said that we too were invited. Without hesitation, we accepted the invitation. Like I said, what we wouldn’t do for free food. Wondering whose house we were going to, I asked Hatta. Hatta too had no idea. Go figure. He barely knew his next-door neighbour, yet alone the one that lived a few houses away. When we asked his mother, she said we were going to Mr. Yusof’s house. I had no idea who he was and didn’t care much about him. Just as long as the food was free. Without realizing, we were in for the shock of our lives. Seeing that our lives evolved around each other, Hatta’s mom wanted us to meet more people, especially girls. Ah… girls, who needs them. Hard to get, harder to keep but they easily leave. We loved our lives as it was. Free from complications. When we arrived, Mr. Yusof was there to greet us. We entered the house and saw that it was well furnished. Every single detail of it seemed expensive. Imported furniture, marbled floors, and antique decorations. Well it wasn’t much surprise for a 3-story bungalow.
Oh, didn’t I mention it. Fazuan and Hatta lived in a housing area where the houses were literally as big as malls. In short, they lived in the rich man’s domain. Everyone that lived there had incomes that vary over 7 digits annually. To think of it, how did I actually get to know them? Well, that’s another story.
Back at Mr. Yusof’s place we were seated with the adults. Only there a couple of minutes, we were already bored. All the adults were in an intense conversation about golf, politics and economics. We were teenagers. What mattered to us was seeing the latest flicks, hearing the latest songs and playing sports that were physically challenging. We cared less about issues that required much thinking. We had enough problems with our up coming PMR. So we asked to be excused, and walked towards the kids’ section. Everyone there was under the age of ten. We were the only ones there that knew the tooth fairy didn’t exist.
Seeing there was no one in our age group, we decided to have a chat of our own. I don’t quite remember what we talked about, but it must’ve been some heck of a conversation. We just sat there talking for over an hour. Mrs. Yusof suddenly interrupted us. She asked for our assistance. She needed help setting the table for dinner. Being the gentlemen we were, we told her that it would be our pleasure. We were gentlemen, well sometimes. We then helped set the table and serve the other adults their dinner. Almost done, just as I was leaving the kitchen, I heard a familiar voice. It said,
“Mom, where did you keep the mayonnaise?”
“Right here. Ima, there’s some people I want you to meet”. She then continued,
“Ima, this is Mr. Nordin’s son and a few of his friends. Hatta, Fadly, Fazuan, this is my daughter, Ima”.
I had a bad feeling about this. As I turned, I knew something bad was going to happen. Oh my god, it couldn’t be.
“YOU AGAIN!!!” we said simultaneously.
Mrs. Yusof was confused, so she asked,
“Do you know each other?”
“Yeah mom. We kinda bumped into each other a couple of times”.
“Oh, ok. I guess you needn’t anymore introduction. How ‘bout finish setting the table”.
Thinking to myself, I said,
“What the hell did I get myself into this time?” I just couldn’t help wondering, what else could go wrong. After helping Mrs. Yusof, we were invited to join the feast.
It wasn’t until Mrs. Yusof asked Ima to bring us upstairs did I think matters could have gotten worse. From the expression on her face, I could tell that Ima too wasn’t enthusiastic with the idea. With her sincere look she said,
“Sure thing, mom.”
“Walk this way you guys.”
It was the most insincere invitation I’ve ever heard. Because not wanting to be rude, we just followed her lead. On top of the first floor stairway, I could see a wide hallway, with 3 separate rooms. She then took us to what seemed to be the largest room there. As we entered, to my amazement, the room we entered seemed to be some kind of recreational room. It was equipped with a 29” television set, with surround sound system, a computer that was with internet access, in other words, it was DA’ BOMB. The room was air-conditioned, fully furnished with a sofa, 2 easy chairs and a hammock hanged at the back of the room.
There in the room were her friends. They were watching a movie that they had rented. Among them was Shima, a friend of Hatta since childhood. They saw us as we entered. Seeing us come in, especially me, they looked confused.
“Don’t look at me”, I said, “It wasn’t my idea coming here.”
“As if it was my pleasure”, Ima replied.
“If it wasn’t for my mom, I’d careless ‘bout you guys”, she continued.
After hearing Ima’s remark, we weren’t the only ones that sat in silence. Looking at each other, we just sat in total silence. We sat that way until Hatta finally broke the ice.
“Shima, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, why not?” she answered.
“Well did it ever occur to you that even though we being close friends, our friends would be the worst of enemies?”
“Fadly, why can’t you and Ima put your problems aside and just have a regular conversation? At least for tonight”, Hatta continued. Hearing him says so, I thought to myself. That’s probably the best idea I’ve heard from Hatta. After a short silence I spoke out,
“Sure, for now that is.”
“I don’t mind, as long as I need to see him no more”, Ima replied.

A temporary truce was called, and we all began talking. I learned that all of us had a lot in common. We enjoyed the same flicks, music and we were regulars in Mirc (an internet relay chat). Through out the entire conversation, Ima and I had our regular disagreements but nothing resulting in physical violence. During the conversation, I found out the names of Ima’s other friends, Nurul Yuziana (Yana), and Nurul Amal (Mal).
Among the four of them, Shima was the tallest. She was 5’7”, with short dark hair, mean and tough looking. Although she looked like a gang member, she was actually nice. She was an easygoing kind of girl.
Mal, was about 5’5” in height. She had a tanned complexion and long silky hair. She was quite a chatterbox. During our conversation, she did most of the talking. Telling us about her hobbies, ambition, even gave a detailed description of her family.
Yana, was about 5’6” and had fair skin. She was a really shy girl. Her smile was like a smile of an innocent 6 year old. She didn’t talk much during the conversation. She answered all of our questions in single sentences. Just like Fazuan, Hatta and I, even different in many ways, they too were the best of friends. About half past 1, Hatta’s brother came up and told us it was time to get going. We then shook hands, said goodbye and left. That was the last we saw of them for a long time.
Our PMR had passed and the holidays had begun. Fazuan, Hatta and I worked as cleaners at MetroPlaza. The money we earned was used to enjoy our holiday. After receiving our PMR results, school started. Now we were no longer in the same school. Fazuan got into a boarding school, Hatta transferred to another school closer his house and I was left at Kajang High School alone. With them gone, I made new friends. They weren’t close to me as Fazuan and Hatta were but they still were my friends. Although in different schools, we had our occasional get together during the holidays.
Time passed by, and it was almost a year since I’ve seen Ima. I was in form 4, and it was coming to the end of the term. The school holidays were about to begin yet I was unable to enjoy it. For the first 2 weeks of the 5-week holiday, I had to attend a seminar. Each school in the district had to send 15-20 Malay students that were going to take their SPM the following year to attend the seminar. It was a 3-phase seminar meant to prepare us for our SPM. ‘To Succeed with Excellence’ was the theme for the seminar. Each school was supposed to send their best students to represent them in the seminar. I was one of my school’s representatives. I believe that I was selected not because of my grades. It couldn’t be because I had very poor grades. It probably was to fill the quota given to each school. The seminar took place at a near by Vocational School.
The holidays had begun and I had to register myself for this seminar. This wasn’t how I planned to spend my holidays. When I arrived, I could see that the place was already storming with students fully dressed in their school uniform waiting to register their selves. I was the only one there wearing a t-shirt and faded jeans. I thought to myself, this is a living nightmare. From what I could see, the amount of boys to girls was of ratio of 1:3. One dormitory building was used to fit the boys, when another 4 was used to fit the girls. When I entered the dormitory I was assigned to, I saw that it had enough beds for 10 students. When I arrived at the dormitory, there was somebody already there. There was a boy, lying on the floor buff naked with only a small piece of cloth covering his groin. This boy probably has a mental history I said to myself. That’s my kind guy. I took my belongings and set it on the bed that seemed to be next to his. I then turned to him and said, “Does your whole family have a mental problem or is it just you?” He replied, “I believe in the freedom to express yourself”.
“Let me just say that you’re doing good job”, I said.
I then introduced myself and asked for his name. He said his name was Azral Mezan, but he preferred to just be known as Zan. Short for I Tarzan assume. Anyway, he was a student at local Vocational school
Later that evening, my other dorm mates arrived. A few of them were my schoolmates and the others were from various of schools. Most of them were honor students. Being there made me feel out of place.
In a short period of time my dorm mates became friends. After dinner we headed to the lecture hall. It was about a 200 meter walk from the dormitory. On the way there, we walked side by side with the other participants. After arriving at our destination point, we were seated. We waited for the counselors to arrive. When they had arrived, we were sorted us into groups according the subjects we were taking. After the groups were determined, they started giving a lecture. As the lecture began I started to fall asleep.

The next day after breakfast, we had a group activity. Wondering whom my group members were, I checked the list posted on the lecture hall walls. Let me see, there were Melati, Melissa, NorAfzan, Norhafizan, Faizul Ezwan, Mohd Adzlan, Aliza, Arnie, Adlina, Mastura, Sahid and Ima Hartiny. I knew exactly nobody in my group. Wait a minute, Ima Hartiny…..Hmmm, that name sounds familiar. The name sounded familiar but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. Like it or not, I was going to find out who it was. I had a bad feeling about this Ima Hartiny character. Group 8, hmmm…..Oh, there’s the table. As I walked towards the table, I had strong doubts. Only when I arrived at the table did I remember why the name seemed familiar. Looking at everybody sitting at the table, no one there seemed familiar. What a relief I thought. Just as I let out a sigh, some one from behind me screamed out,
“Hi everyone. Who’s the new guy in our group?”
As I turned to see why the voice sounded familiar. Oh, no! I cried. It’s her, I said to myself. When she saw me, her only reaction was,
“Oh my god, it’s satan himself!”
“Oh yeah, you’re no Mother Teresa”, I said.
“I’ll bet that you’re the famous Ice Queen”, I continued.
I’m not sure, but I think she started cursing at me. The only words I could make out were, ‘useless’ and ‘jerk’. And knowing Ima from our previous encounters, it sounded like something that she’d use to describe me.
“How long has it been? A year? So did you miss me ice?” I said to provoke her anger.
“With a huge ego like yours, nobody could miss you”, she replied in a sarcastic tone.
“Here’s a piece of advice, play else where before everyone here freeze to death”, I replied back.
She didn’t say a word. All she did was to stare into my eyes, and started mumbling. From her stare, it seemed like she was hoping that I’d drop dead or something. I guess it was my killer personality.
When the morning activity had ended, I felt a sense of relief. For the first time in my life, I avoided some as beautiful as Ima. I went back to my dorm and fell asleep. During my slumber, I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that during one of our group activity, everyone in the hall was laughing at Ima. Seeing her breaking into tears awakened me. Still feeling a bit dazed I remembered my dream. The strange thing was, as pissed as I was with her, I still felt sorry for her. I couldn’t figure it out. Why did I pity a person that was making my life a living hell?
Later that evening, we returned to the hall for our tutorial session. Earlier that day, we were given some exercise to be completed. Just before the session ended, the counselor asked everyone to take out his or her math exercise that was assigned earlier. Who failed to do so would have to stay back and clean up the hall. Suddenly my dream was becoming a reality. It seemed Ima misplaced her assignment and couldn’t find it. At the time being, the counselor was at the table next to ours. He was checking each and everyone’s assignment. As he was done, he headed towards our group. Seconds before he arrived, I took a glimpse at Ima. She seemed a bit frightened. In the spur of the moment, I handed my assignment to her and said,
“Don’t ask any question. Just take this. Say that it’s yours.”
I had no idea what I was doing. It just seemed right. It felt like something that I just had to do. She then took the paper in a rather confused manner. Finally the counselor arrived. One by one he checked our assignments it now was my turn. He came beside me and asked for my assignment. I didn’t have an explanation. Well it wasn’t like I planned it. So I gave him a lame excuse. I told him that I fell a sleep and forgotten all about it. He glared at me. In disappointment he shook his head. He then moved on to Ima. After carefully examining all the answer he turned to the rest of the students and said,
“Attention everyone! You guys should follow Ima’s exemplary attitude. She’s the only one with all the right answers.” He continued, “Especially you Fadly. I guess you know what this means. You’ve won the honourary golden broom award for laziness. It’s my honour to give you the opportunity and pleasure of cleaning the hall room effective immediately after this session is over.” He then went to examine the rest of our assignments. Go figure. By the end of the session, I was the only one that didn’t do their assignment. I guess I had to face the task alone.
When the session came to an end, everyone rushed out the doors towards the canteen to have their late night supper. That was with the exception of me. I on the other hand had to begin fulfilling my duty as a temporary janitor for the night. Lucky for me I had my walkman with me. Never leave home without it. So I put on my earphones turned on old reliable picked up a broom and began to sweep. It took me about 45 minutes to clean the entire hall. Forty five minutes later, I was done sweeping. I wasn’t much tired but more hungry. I looked at the watch at saw it was already a quarter past midnight. I knew that there wouldn’t be any food left so started to walk back to the dormitory. Only a few steps out of the hall, I saw Ima. She had her head facing towards the ground looking rather ashamed. I then approached her. Seeing that I was the man there, I made the first move and asked her what was the matter. She didn’t answer but stood there in silence. I then offered to walk her back to the dormitory. She said nothing but just nodded. As we were walking, she handed me a crumpled piece of napkin. I carefully opened it to see what was in it. “Thank god”, I said to myself. In the napkin were a few pieces of curry puffs. Ima probably figured that I wouldn’t make it back in time for supper so she saved some food for me. As I ate the curry puffs, we began to endure in a conversation. For the first time we were able to talk like civilized human beings. She thanked me for helping her as I did and asked why I did such. Seeing that the both of us were enemies and so. I told her that I myself wasn’t exactly sure. It felt like something I had to do. Anyway, I never enjoyed stepping on the enemy when they were down. She kept for quiet for a while. She turned and looked me in the eyes and asked,
“Do you really consider me as your enemy?”
“To tell the truth, no. Rivals, maybe. I saw you kind of like a friend. Maybe a friend that I constantly quarrel with but, still a friend. Even friends have their disagreement, right?”
Hearing my reply, she began to smile. Soon were arrived at the doorsteps to the girls’ dormitory. We sat down and continued with our conversation. At first we started to recall our earlier encounters with each other. I told her all about the dare Fazuan and Hatta had initiated. I told her all about the free food they offered me. She laughed as I told her my side of the story. I then asked her about the little boy. I asked her who the boy was. She then told me it was a cousin she was baby sitting. We also began to talk about the day at the movies. She told me that it wasn’t her who was making the noise. Not only that, she also congratulated me on my actions to make the perpetrators stop with the noise. She said that her friends and she were also annoyed by them. I then reassured her that I knew it wasn’t her all along. But at the moment I was too proud to back down. I said,
“I know I have a huge ego and sometimes I just let it get the best of me.”
We then began talking about our family and friends. Like me, she too felt alone. Her friends had all gone to boarding schools leaving her alone at Convent Kajang. She also commented on my appearance. She said that I looked different, mainly height wise. Back then, I was only about 5’1” but now I was about 5’7”. I replied by telling her that she didn’t seem to change a bit. She was still as beautiful as ever. Hearing my compliment, she begun to blush.
Caught up in the moment, we continued our conversation. We were unaware of the time. It wasn’t until a counselor addressed us did we know how late it was. The counselor was taking a stroll when she saw. She was surprised to see the two of us alone together at 3 a.m. We then apologized. We told her that we lost track of time. The counselor forgave us told us to get back to our dormitories. Then she went on with her rounds. Ima and I then started to head back to our dorms. This might sound a bit corny but just as we were about to part, I kneeled down on bended knees and kissed her on the hand. I smiled and said, “I’m glad that we can finally be friends.” I got up, wished her good night and pleasant dreams then headed back to my room.
The next morning felt kind of odd to everyone else. They were confused seeing us together talking like civilized individuals. They were puzzled on how two seemingly mortal enemies could become allies. Ima and I just stood smiling. The only words that could justify what had happen between us was simply ‘a twist of fate’. Two weeks later the seminar came to an end. During the closing ceremony, our group was awarded the most outstanding group. They said that our group was always cheery, not afraid to ask questions and most importantly that every member of our group gave full commitment to create exceptional teamwork. In the end probably but if they saw us in the earlier stage of the seminar, I believe they’d think otherwise. After the ceremony, everyone started heading their own way. Ima and I promised to keep in touch with each other.

It was only five minutes since I arrived back at home yet a phone call was already awaiting me. It was Fazuan. He said that Hatta and him had planned for us a day in town. I told him that I already had other plans. I planned to spend the following day on the soft comfort of my own bed. I needed some catching up to do. I then hung up the phone and went to bed.

“Fadly, Wake UP!! It’s time to rise and shine!”
“What the ………. Oh no!! What are you guys doing here? Please get away from me!” I manage to mumble out.
In front of me stood both, Fazuan and Hatta. At the time being, they were the last people in the world that I wanted to see. The reason was because they were very persistent. I knew that they wouldn’t leave until they got what they wanted. So I took my blanket and covered my head.
“LEAVE ME ALONE!! I need my beauty sleep!”
“Don’t bother with it. It doesn’t seem to be working”, Hatta replied.
“You’d better wake up. We’re not leaving without you, even if it means dragging you out of bed”, Fazuan continued.
Knowing them as well as I do, I knew that they would actually do so. Unwillingly I got up and headed for the shower. We then left for Subang Jaya. At first we did I bit of window shopping. Then we went cyber surfing and later on caught a movie. The whole trip was Hatta’s treat, so I hadn’t bothered to complain. Seeing that the whole trip was paid for, I had some extra money left with me so I bought a Stephen King Novel and a couple of cassette albums. I then had the cassettes gift-wrapped. Curious, they asked for whom were the cassettes for. In a calm fashionable manner I answered,
“They’re for Ima Hartiny.”
Hearing my reply, they began to laugh.
“Yeah right. And you can call me the Virgin Mary.”
“What? You are? It’s a pleasure to meet you Miss Mary.” I replied. We then began to burst into laughter. I knew that there was nothing that I could say for them to believe me. So I grinned and so nothing further. Once we arrived home, I was too tired to do anything else so I went straight to bed.

The next morning or should I say evening, I woke up. I searched my house for my parents but there was nobody home. I went downstairs to check the kitchen and found a piece of paper on the dining table. It was a note. The note read;


Ali,

There’s some money in the cookie jar and a marinated chicken in the refrigerator in case you get hungry. All you need to do is roast it. We already left for P.D and won’t be back till next week.

Love,
Mummy.

Oh, I forgot that today was the day my family was leaving for vacation. How could I forget? It was probably because I was too tired. I must’ve been too tired to realize they had left. Hmmm…. Let me see…. Today is the 14th of December. I almost forgot. Today was Ima’s birthday. I then picked up the phone and dialed Fazuan’s number. I asked him to come over to my house about 9 o’clock that night. Later that night, Fazuan and Hatta arrived at my house. They asked me where we were headed for. I told them to patiently ‘wait and see’.
Arriving at Ima’s house, I got out of the car and headed towards the door. Both Fazuan and Hatta just sat in the car looking astonished. As I approached to knock at the door Fazuan shouted,
“You’d better not do anything stupid. If you do, we’re just gonna leave you here.”
I just smiled back at him. I then proceeded to knock on the door. A few minutes later, Ima came to answer the door. There she was wearing only her nightgown. Still, she managed to look as beautiful as ever.
“Fadly, what are you doing here?”
“Hmm… My guess would be, standing outside your house?”
“Let me rephrase that. Why are you standing outside my house?”
“Oh , ok . I understand your question now. Actually I came here to give you this.” As I handed her the present, I said, “Happy birthday. Hope you’ll enjoy being sweet sixteen.”
“How sweet, thank you very much.” She replied.
With a smile she took my gift and invited us in. It seemed that her parents too were away for the week. She was left alone with her friends. Her friends decided to have a small get together to celebrate her birthday. I then returned to the car and told both of them that we were invited in. They seemed puzzled. Although confused still, a bit curious. So they accepted the invitation. When we entered the house we saw Yana Mal and Shima sitting in front of a cake. They too were only in their nightgowns. Out of nowhere Hatta blabbed out,
“COOL. Everyone is in the Pj’s. Let’s have a slumber party. YEEE HAAA!!” Everyone then began to laugh.
After a fine dinner conjured up by the girls, we then watched a movie. If I’m not mistaken, the title of the movie was ‘Trojan War’. It was a movie about this boy that was in search of true love. Having mistaken physical attraction for true love, he was blinded to see his true love standing in front of him. After the movie ended, we continued again where we left off over a year ago. We talked about each others past. What we had done, including personal experiences and unforgettable memories no matter good or bad. Not only that, we also talked about each other’s love experiences.
Everyone then began to talk about their first love. For some us there was a second, a third and even a sixth. I guess that they’ve been around …… plenty. For Ima, she had only one experience and once was one too many.
She then began her story. She and her ex were both students at KYPM (Kolej Yayasan Pendidikan MARA). It was a school for rich kids. She explained how romantic he was when they first met. She said that at first he was sweet, charming and most importantly good looking. I guess looks does matter. They then started going steady sometime that year. But by the end of form 2 she broke it off. She said that the two year being around him made her see him for the S.O.B that he was (pardon my French). Every time he did something wrong, he’d sweet talk his way out. And every time he did, she’d find it in her heart to forgive him. It wasn’t until she saw him two timing her with one of her friends did she realize the kind of man he was. She didn’t mention her friends name but said that it was way before she had met Mal, Shima and Yana. She and her friend never spoke to each other since. Entering form 3, she then transferred to Convent Kajang to get away from her past. There she met the 3 of them and became the best of friends. No wonder I’ve never seen her before. Even though I’ve never spoken to neither Shima, Yana nor Mal, still I’ve seen them around Kajang.
After telling us her story she said,
“I can’t blame my friend. I guess everything IS fair in love and war.”
“Yeah but, wouldn’t love be much sweeter if the both of them didn’t get mixed up?” I replied.
It was my turn to talk about my experience. I told them my love experience was a one-way relationship. I liked her but she seemed to despise me. Her name was Wan Rohana. We attended the same tutorial class back in form 1. During primary school we were also classmates. Seeing her in my tutorial class brought back some old memories. One thing led to another, the last thing I knew was that I had fallen for her. Too afraid to confront her, I sent her unsigned love letters. The letters were fully typed of course. Knowing my own handwriting, the letter would have been rejected on sight. At first seeing her reaction gave me hope but only to set me up for a greater disappointment. Soon I knew where I stood in her eyes. It was about a month later that all hope diminished. I was sitting in the bus waiting for my ride home when Wan and her friends entered and sat a few seats in front of me. I overheard their conversation. They were talking about the love letters Wan had receiving. She was telling them how much she adored the letters. Then her friend asked her who she thought the sender was. She replied,
“It doesn’t matter to me, just as long as it isn’t from that boy in our class. What’s his name again?????? Oh yeah, Fadly.”
Hearing her reply, my heart literally shattered. I felt every inch of my body losing its strength. I felt lost. For the first time, I understood the phrase, ‘love hurts’. The week after, I stopped attending tutorial. I just wouldn’t be able to concentrate with her around. That was the last I saw of her. After hearing my story, everyone was in complete silence. I guess everyone has their share of heart breaks. So I said,
“The past had passed. We can’t do anything to change it. Keep the past in mind so you won’t forget who you are. But let it be and await the future to be.”
The silence continued. We sat there glaring into each other’s eyes. For no apparent reason, I began to laugh. Seeing me laughing, both Hatta and Fazuan followed in my footsteps. When we finally realized, everyone was laughing. The night ended with everyone laughing into the silence of the night.

The next day over lunch, Ima and I were simply talking. We were changing experiences. She then asked me how many times had I really been heart broken before. To my surprise, I asked her what made her I think it was more than once. Was it that obvious? She smiled and said that there was a familiar look in my eyes that she had seen before. I then told her my story. Wan wasn’t my first but second. Before her was Emma Delini and after was Siti Wahidah. Hearing my story she said,
“I guess you’re some kind of Pro in heart breaks.”
“Nah. I don’t consider myself as a Pro but more as a Legend.”
We then started laughing. The only thing I have to say is that no matter how many times you’ve been heart broken before, rejection doesn’t come easier by the number. It still aches as much as the first. That was the beginning of a true friendship. Seeing that we were from different schools, we’d exchange class notes. We’d discuss each others opinions and such. Besides our studies, we’d assist each other in finding that one true love. By three months later Ima was going steady with this guy from my school. At the beginning of their acquaintance, I was their middle man. Actually I was more like and errand boy. I’d pass notes, letters, gifts even regards to one another. From the first time their eyes met till the moment they became an item I did my job. Even though Ima had already a boyfriend, our friendship didn’t grow farther apart but amazingly close. Even her parents began to trust me.

It was a month before our SPM trials. Ima and I were having a crash course on additional math. Seeing that none of us had ever passed the subject, it became our main priority. It was our goal to succeed. It was a quarter past eight and Ima’s parents were about to leave for an invitational dinner. So I started to pack my books and head home. Just as I was leaving the house, her father asked me,
“Where are you going Fadly?”
“Back home, sir.”
“So soon? I thought you were going to spend the night here”, he replied.
“Spend the night????”
I was confused. Was I hearing it correctly? Did he really suggest that? Even the book I was holding slipped through my fingers falling down onto the floor. I bent down, picked up the book and asked,
“Spend the night sir?”
“Yeah. The Mrs. and I won’t be back until dawn. So we were wondering if you could accompany Ima for the night. We worry for her safety. That’s if it’s no bother.” He replied.
“Sure thing sir, it’s no problem at all.”
He then thanked me and left for dinner. After her parents had left, I glared a cenacle look at Ima and asked,
“What SHALL we do?”
Seeing the expression on my face, she began to giggle. It too began laughing. A few hours later, we had already begun hitting the books. Trying to figure out the solution to a math equation I was doing, my eyes started to wander around the room. When my eyes had Ima in its view they suddenly stopped. My eyes were fixated on her. I just sat there gazing at her. There she was. Giving full concentration to her studies. Her hair fell down, tenderly touching and covering half of her beautiful face. Her gentle brown eyes gazing deep into her book. Her soft smooth hand jotting down notes. To top it off, they way she smiled. It was so warm and soothing. When ever she turned to face me. She just seemed so sweet, so lovely. I was dazzled. Looking at her made my mind wounder with so many unanswered questions. Unsettled agendas needed to be resolved. I built the courage to finally ask her.
“Ima, I have something to confess”
She moved her eyes away from her books and looking straight at me.
“What is it?” She asked.
“Well…….To be honest, there was a time when I wished that we could be more than just friends.”
“More than friends?”
“Yeah. I remember the first time we met. Even though on bad terms still you manage to steal this heart of mine. Your sweet smile, your gentle touch, your soothing voice even your every move rendered me powerless. I guess you can say that I fell for….. You.”
“……….. Fadly, I just don’t know what to say. You’ve always been a friend to me. You know that I already have Joe. If you had only told me sooner. Maybe we could’ve been ..” just before she could finish her sentence I cut her off and replied,
“I think don’t so. I don’t believe it would make any difference. I could see it in your eyes then and I still can see it now. You were never ready to accept me. Don’t worry about hurting me. I know where we stand. I believe that as friends we were meant to be. I’d rather lose as a lover than not having you as my friend.”
After hearing my answer she began to smile.
“I feel the same way too. But maybe someday. Who knows? Anything could happen”
For some apparent reason, after that night we grew closer. I can’t explain why but we did. It felt like there were no more boundaries between us. I guess it’s the bond that ties us. The bond I simply call as friends. She even helped with this girl I was interested in. Her name was Nurul Hidayah. But things just didn’t work out. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. But that’s a whole different story. What got me work up about Nurul was her brush off line. So when I had a chance, I went to see Ima and asked her,
“What does a girl seek in a man?”
“Hmmm…. I can’t say about others but I can speak for myself. If you ask me, it’s trust. I’d want somebody that I’m able to rely on. Some one I can depend on and will be there when I need him most. A guy that makes me feel good about myself. I want a guy that can make me a better person when I’m with him than when I was alone. Before I’m able to do so I must first be able to trust him.”
“Ok… So to gain trust, you need honesty right?”
“Yeah, you can say that. Why do you ask?”
“Hmm…. Then how come when a girl rejects someone she can be anything but honest?”
“I don’t quite follow you there. Please explain.”
“Well, out of the 4 times I’ve been rejected, most of them gave me the brush off line. ‘You’re too good for me’. Come on and get real. How could someone be too good? Why can’t they be honest? If she didn’t like my self image I could’ve make myself a new one. If money was the problem she shouldn’t worry because that could be adjusted. If I was too ugly, only god knows. I might be pissed but at least I would be satisfied with her reason. But being too good? Is there such a thing? What does she expect me to do? Commit murder or something? If she simply hated me just say so. At least it would be some logic that I could comprehend.”
“Firstly, let me remind you that I’m not the perpetrator. And second, probably she just doesn’t wants to hurt your feeling.”
“Oops. I’m sorry if I came on too strong but it just gets me worked up. The only thing that’s stopping me from hating the entire female gender is you. Thank god for them I have you as a friend.”
“Thank god indeed”, Ima replied restraining herself from bursting out in laughter.

A month later our trials were over and I had outstanding results. I was a happy man. Who wouldn’t be if they had results like mine? I had gotten 6A1’s, one for each Physic, Math, Additional Math, English, Chemistry, and Islamic Education. That evening I went to tell Ima the good news. When I arrived at her house, she seemed upset. So I asked her what was wrong. She then told me the shocking news. Her family was going to move to New Zealand at the end of the year. WHAT??? NEW ZEALAND??? I cried only to myself. Trying to comfort her, I told her that everything would be alright. I told her that she could still keep contact with all of her friends. And when ever possible I might even go there to visit her. But deep inside hiding away my feelings, I too was devastated.
Two months had passed and soon Ima had to leave for New Zealand. Before leaving for the airport she said her goodbyes to her friends and Joe. I on the other hand followed her to the airport. We sat waiting for the plane as if the end of the world was coming. Just before boarding on the plane, I told Ima,
“Ima, no matter how far the distance. No matter how long the wait. You’ll always be in my heart. FOREVER.ALWAYS. Since the first day we met even past the end of time.”
She hugged me. She held me close in her arms and said,
“You too are in mine.” She then got on the plane and left me standing there, all alone.
An hour had passed and there I was still looking outside the airport window. I stood there watching her plane take off. I stood there until her plane was completely out of sight. That was the last time I saw.

A year and another heart break later, I was now taking a matriculation course in UPM. Tired from my classes, I sat by my bedside. Sitting there, I saw a letter on my desk. I picked it up and was surprise to see it stamped from New Zealand. During the past year, Ima and I kept contact which each other through email. But since the last couple of months I lost contact with her. She just stopped replying my emails. I then opened the letter. Before I could finish reading the letter, it slipped through my fingers falling down to the floor. I stood there in a state of shock. NO!! NO!! NOOOO!!!!!!! IT COULDN”T BE!!!! I JUST DON”T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!! I felt suffocated. I then rushed out of the room and just walked away. I don’t recall much after that. I just remember walking. Walking where ever my legs took me. Thinking about her. All our memories together. I just walked. I just couldn’t think anymore. For hours I walked unaware of the time. Finally my legs came to a stop. It was dark. I couldn’t see where I was. All I knew was that I was on some kind of field. I then lied down. Starring into the sky, all I could think of was her.
I must’ve dozed off some time during that night. The only thing I remember last, I was waking up in the middle of a golf course with the sun just begin to rise. I got up and headed back to my room. When I got there, I saw the letter still there. Untouched it was at the exact same place where I dropped it. So I picked it up burned it and flushed its remains down the toilet. I told myself that I wouldn’t accept her fate unless I saw it with my own two eyes.
Awakening from my sudden black out, I realized that 2 years had gone by since then and I just recently had my 7th heart break, I felt fatigued. I know. There’s something inside of me telling me that Ima’s no longer here. But as long as I have my memories of her, she will always be here by my side. My only wish is that I’d be able to someday pay my respects to her, where ever she rests. Where ever you might be. Where ever you lie. One of these days, I’ll find you……….. Ima, my dear friend.
Later that night, I continued thinking everything over. After a few more encounters with entity and a week later, I called Ana up. It’s been almost 2 years since I spoken to her last. I asked her to meet me at the steps of Enggang. I decided that this time I wasn’t going to lose another friend over a technicality.
It was on Wednesday afternoon. I waited for her on the steps. I don’t why but I felt nervous. I felt like a suspect being judge on a verdict. I felt like child waiting to see the dentist. I had butterflies in my stomach. Ana came down from Enggang and sat beside me. I didn’t know how to start and where to begin. When I finally gained the nerves to speak I asked her whether or not she knew that I was avoiding her, the past couple of years and why I was doing so. We then began to do something that should’ve been done along time ago. We began resolving what had happen. I told her just about everything. Why, When, How, Who and Where. We were there for about an hour. I then asked permission to take her hand. After given permission I did. I then held her hand and said,
“I’m sorry if I had ever done you any harm or wrong. If I did it was never my intention. So again I beg you for forgiveness.” It’s human to error but only a fool repeats it. After two years of reconsidering, I came to a conclusion that Ana had a right to her opinion. As I had to mine. What she said was merely her opinion. If you ask me, I’ve probably done worst things than her. That’s why I decided to settle things once and for all. We then said our goodbyes then left. Later that night, I met Nini. I told Nini what had happen. Like I said before, we were confidants. I admitted to Nini that the main reason I kept the grudge for so long was because it helped me get over Ana. Once the feeling of anger was no more, the feelings I once had began resurfacing again. I felt weak and powerless. Even though with all the commotion between Ana and I, why do I still have feelings for her? Let me state that Ana isn’t a bad person. Ana does what she can to help others. Her intentions were clear as pure shores. She knows how to make a person feel good about themselves. I know she isn’t perfect. No one is. But what made me like Ana weren’t only her good points but also for her flaws. The both of it are what make her the person she is. Remember this, ‘Once you stop looking for Mr. Perfect, Mr. Perfect will come to you’. This is because perfect means flawless, so when we look for something that is perfect, we will quickly see if there is even a tiny flaw in it but if we just let go and let it be. Its flaws are no longer what we see and what we once saw as incomplete is now just perfect.
Ana had planned to go back the following day so I thought that would be the last I would see of her. I was unaware until later on that Ana don’t go back because like me she too was going to Nenggiri.
A few days later, It was time go rafting down along Nenggiri River. It was the activity the Reccers team was organizing this holiday. I decided to participate. Besides me, Ana, Bonbon and Nini also went along. We headed to Gua Musang by train and went by lorry to our destination point. I remember our time on the train heading there. Ana and Nini must’ve been tired because they fell asleep on the train. The way they were sleeping together, it seemed so cute. It was so innocent. So I told Goblok to take a picture. The rest of our journey on the train we played ‘Tai Ti’. The loser had to stand up until he won. It was proven that no one could beat the king of ‘Tai Ti’, me of course. Everyone else lost and I was the only one left standing or in this case, the only one left sitting.
We arrived at Gua Musang around 5 a.m. From there we went to Abah’s house by lorry. The first trip was full so a few of us had to go on the second trip around. All of us had arrived at Abah’s house around the time of 7 o’clock. We had breakfast and I fell a sleep in the bundles of bags stacked there. I only got a half an hour’s nap before I was awaken. Seeing that there was no toilet, we had to do our business in the river. Go ahead, laugh if you dare. We then headed to our destination point. At first, the girls prepared lunch and the boys help unload the rafts’ frames. Wait a minute. There’s something I forgot to mention. Our activity was simultaneously with the participants from Fourteenth College. In a matter of speaking, during the entire rafting expedition we had to mix with them. How were we supposed to mix with them if they themselves couldn’t mix with each other? After lunch everyone helped assemble the rafts. We finished everything just in the break of dusk. After assembling the rafts, a brief briefing was held. It was to prepare us for our journey. I had almost forgotten Diana’s birthday so I wished her a happy one. The next day we got ready to raft. Guess what? I was assigned to the same raft as Ana. Don’t look at me. Even though every bit of evidence was pointing to me, I didn’t mess with the rafts assignments. Maybe it was to my advantage but again I state, it wasn’t me. Bonbon wanted to be on a raft with his friends so he asked Machai to set Caduk, Nini, Tiang, Ana, me and himself on the same raft. I just went along. I had nothing to lose.
Around eleven o’clock that morning, we began our rafting journey. During that first day, we had several close encounters that nearly punctured our tubes but luckily we were able to maneuver our way out. It was our first rafting experience. Don’t blame us if we had a few mishaps. During the first day, the sun felt really hot. I had myself a hat but seeing Ana didn’t I decide to give mine to her. I was trying to be a gentleman. The next thing I knew I had a migraine coming. During that entire day I was sleepy and grumpy. So I’m sorry if I offended anyone during that day. I don’t quite remember. It was more like a blur to me. That night, we had ourselves a post mortem and an ice breaking session. Every one introduced themselves in a traditional order. I did some thing a bit different. I introduced myself with a bit of attitude or known as ‘poyo’. I told my name, what course I was taking and what year I was in. I told them that they could call me simply G.B or Ali Kacak (Handsome Ali). What? It’s not my fault I was born with my good looks. They began to laugh hearing my introduction. Everyone seemed to be tired so we slept early that night.
The next morning, we woke up and got ready. We then headed towards our next check point. Before departing I asked Ana whether I could ask her two questions. She said yes and asked what they were. I told her that I’d ask her when time was more appropriate. We then continued our journey. On the raft I spent a lot of time joking around with Ana. It was probably to make up for the two years we hadn’t spoken to each other. On the raft only did I realize. Ana had a bit of a fear of deep water. If she got her head under water, she’d begin to panic. I did everything I could to help her. Today was also Nini’s birthday. As a birthday gift, we threw her into the river a few times more than often. She got really angry and threatened us. I wondered what she could do us.
That night, was our final night by the river. As the chefs were cooking dinner I sat beside Ana. I figured it was the right time so asked her what I wanted to know. She answered my questions as accurate as possible. That was when I had the light shown upon me. I then knew her story. Later that night we were entertained with a local ‘Sewang’ dance. It was raining that night. As everyone else danced I stayed at our base camp under the pouring rain. Luckily we had some fly sheets to cover our camping sight. It was cold yet nice. I fell asleep in an instant. Around midnight they woke me up for th day’s post mortem. The also briefed us on the following day’s activity, floating.
The next day, we passed this dangerous rapid. It was named Haunted Rapids (Jeram Berhala). If we didn’t handle our raft correctly, there was a chance that we would go overboard. Thank God we didn’t. Not to brag but we were getting good at this rafting business. After the rapids, we parked our rafts and were about to begin floating.
This activity was done by releasing everyone into the river to let them experience how it would be if they had gone overboard. The activity began and we were floating down the river. Many of us had an almost drowning experience. Thanks to our life jackets we were able to pop back up. Many panicked as they were drowning. Those who knew how to swim forgot all they knew. I did my best to help out as many as I could. It wasn’t that I didn’t drown for a while or even panic but the sight of others more afraid than myself made me forget all that I feared. We came to a stop and waited for the guides to bring our rafts along the river. As we were waiting, we could see Bonbon and Rai hanging on to an empty bottle. They must’ve drowned and were being assisted by the lifeguard. From a far, they seemed like a pair of mermaids swimming towards us. After lunch he continued rafting to our final check point. As we headed back, those from Second College rafted side by side and serenaded ourselves to a few songs. The only song that all of us knew was the song ‘Untukmu’ by Feminin. We ported around 5 p.m. We unloaded our stuff from the rafts and then loaded them back on to the Lorries. We then headed back to Abah’s house. When we arrived it was pouring rain. We quickly arranged our stuff and then headed to Ebno Park.
Our first night at Ebno Park, we ate and did a bit of talking. I went to sleep early. I felt tired. But I woke up early the next morning. Actually, every morning Buih, Berak and I were the one waking early while the rest were sound a sleep. When we woke up, we’d prepare ourselves some instant noodle. We also got ready drinks for everyone else. Today they were doing a bit of rock climbing. I envied them. I wanted to join them but I was afraid that my arm would give in. It wasn’t completely healed. It still isn’t. All I could do was watch. That night, Ana seemed sadder than usual. So I confronted her. I asked what the problem was and was there anything I could do to help? She then confided in me what she could. She then asked for my walkman. She wanted to cool down her nerves. I gave it to her. That night we slept a bit late than usual. We played card games and talked. The following day we did the flying fox and those who didn’t get a chance the previous day, we given to try the rock climbing again. I did neither one of the activities. I slept in this hut on the pond. It swayed gently from left to right making my slumber for comfortable and soothing. Later that night we left for the train station. The bus that was supposed to take us there was fashionably late. When we got to Gua Musang town, we had dinner. I ate alone. I had an agenda on my mind. We then got on the train that night and headed home.

We arrived at Kajang around 7 a.m. I called my mom to pick up my stuff but I didn’t go back with her. I had a few of other things to pick up that were still at Helang. So I waited for the bus with the rest. We arrived back around nine. During the post mortem, I wanted to speak with her but we sat on opposite sides of the court. After the post mortem we were supposed to clean the tents. I was going to take this chance to have some final words with her. Whether she’d be around UPM was a slim chance. So I searched for Ana but she had already disappeared. What luck. I then headed back to my room in despair and went to sleep. Later that night I went to meet Farouk and Oat. They were among the very few equals of mine that hadn’t left. We sat down talking and laughing. Still, on my mind, all I could think of was having those last words with Ana. As I was sitting there, Ana arrived with Surya, Leo, Hana and Bob. She came not to meet with me but wanted to speak to Selasih. He was nowhere to be found. Only then did Ana pull me aside. Before I could let out a word, she thanked me for my concerns and asked me to let her solve her problems. I understood, so I simply nodded. I wanted tell her, what I had thought to since we made peace but I just couldn’t let it out. I then simply watched her as she left. As she left with Bob and the rest; I woundered. I asked myself. We had such a great time together but was it going to end here? Was that the last time I would see my dear Ana? I guess that I’ll just have to wait and see what happens next. Just remember, in life anything could happen. Because even destiny isn’t a certainty.

love goes a long way

Sekoi was with them. Besides Sekoi, Hana and Nini were there too. Nini was this junior, if I’m not mistaken she was Hana’s roommate. Some where down the line, she and Buyut (a junior of Helang) became an item. Sekoi invited me to accompany them. Actually he didn’t invite me but persisted that I follow them. I’m not sure why but it was probably because he wanted company. Some one he could joke around with. Again, I headed back to the carnival. This time, I actually saw the sights. We went browsing at each and every stall there was. The girls even bought themselves some souvenirs. Me? Nah. I didn’t buy anything. I was flat broke. As they shopped, I browsed. Just wanted to see what was on the market. About midnight we headed to our rooms. That weekend came to an end.

It was now in the month of August and Kebajikan was having their annual dinner MAK II. This year it was a change of venue. They planned on holding it at a place that was a bit more prestige the last year’s dinner. This year it was going to be held at ‘Restoran Nelayan Bangi’. They said that the food there was quite delicious. Like the year before, they had the dinner planned out. Many were in charge on making the dinner a success. I on the other hand wasn’t one of them. Like I said earlier, I was avoiding contact with the rest of the collegiate for this semester. I hope I don’t have to remind you why. It’s just too upsetting to be reminded. Even though I wasn’t involved with the preparations, I did attend the dinner. I remember clearly what day it was held on. It was on a Wednesday, on 30th of August. It was on the eve of our Independence Day and same day as my mother’s birthday. Let me remind you this. I have never missed my mother’s birthday. Not even that day. I went back home that morning and wished my mother a wonderful birthday then I had lunch with her. After lunch I had to cut my day short and headed back to my college. Usually I wouldn’t head back until the next day but seeing that MAK II was on that evening and the additional circumstances of me still in dispute with my dad. So I headed back earlier that usual to avoid confronting him. I was ashamed to meet him.
That evening, just after dusk a bus was sent to pick us up and bring us to the Restaurant. Unlike everyone else, I went there by motorbike. Wa’e of friend of mine and the newly elected Head Block for Helang went with me. Or to be more exact, I went with him. He too was going to the dinner but had to get back early. He had other engagements later that night. Let me remind you again. I attended the dinner on the basis that Sekoi asked me to tag along. If not, I probably wouldn’t have attended at all. Too embarrassed I would have say. So I hitched a ride with him. We departed a few minutes after the bus but arrived a couple of minutes earlier. Luckily there weren’t any speed traps on the way. If there were, our only defense would be the boiling of our young blood. Wa’e and I then waited for the rest of them to arrive. Upon arrival of all the guests, those involve with making a success of dinner had already taken their places to welcome them. I’m not sure about Wa’e but I don’t remember if I had an invitation but I remember simply blending in with the crowd. As we entered the dinning room, Wa’e and I parted. I went to sit with Sekoi, Berong and the belated Yana meanwhile Wa’e went to sit with Siti. Why do I say belated? Well Yana passed away about a year later due to a sickness she had. And what was Wa’e doing with Siti? Ok, this is the twist. Remember when I said Comport and Siti became an item? Well that was true. A few months later they parted due to some circumstances which I’m not in liberty to say. During earlier of this semester, some time during Second’s Family week. Wa’e started to make a move on Siti. It seems that he had a crush on her since they were in their first year. Let’s talk about Siti for a while. Siti was quite friendly yet a shy girl. You could say that she was quite a looker. During her first year, there were quite a number of guys that were trying to woo her. I wasn’t amongst them. Why didn’t I go after her? Well, she wasn’t exactly my type of girl. You could say I liked a girl to be a bit more aggressive. A girl that has her own interest. Her own opinion rather than just agreeing with the crowd. Seeing that there was always some one line before, he’d dare not make a move. Now that Siti was single again, I guess he figured that it was now or never. They’ve started going out together since then. He also popped the question. No, not marriage but going steady. I don’t quite remember but if my memory serves me correctly, he was still waiting for an answer.
This annual dinner wasn’t only a night of awards but also acceptance. During this night, the former president would announce and pass the torch to their successor. As everyone else was paying full attention to the ceremony, Sekoi, Berong, Yana and I were busy at the back laughing and joking around. It was now time for the performances to begin. Among the performances that were installed for the evening was a traditional Zappin dance, Hindi dance, unplugged band and the trademark Dikir Putri. We watched as the girls did their Zappin dance. After that it was followed by the Hindi dance. After the announcement of the Hindi dance, Sekoi got up and went forward. Sekoi doing a Hindi dance? Before they could even begin, Berong and I already started to laugh at Sekoi. We joked about the comparison about Sekoi and Kuali (a hindu staying in Helang). We joked on how similar in many ways the both of them were. Especially in stomach wise.
Just before the dance begun something made me hut up. To be more specific, it was some one. It was Ana. The last I heard of her was that she was selected for the Leardership course that was to be held at Lanchang about a month ago (From what I heard, she was becoming a major role in Second).
Slowly she walked on to the stage looking as astounding as ever. The music begun and they began to dance. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She just seemed so pretty, so beautiful dancing gracefully to the rhythm. I guess she must’ve had a natural act for dancing. I watched attentively to her dancing. I felt like a little boy with a crush for the girl next door. I watched her every move as she danced. Don’t misunderstand, I wasn’t perverted or something like that. I just felt like ……………. Ish, how do I say…..……………… I guess not even words could describe how I felt at the time. When the dance was over, the award giving ceremony continued. At the end of the dinner, everyone began taking pictures of themselves with their friends. I remember taking a picture with Hana. And another picture was taken with Surya, Esah, Liza and Iyat together. Anyone that saw us posing might have believed I was some kind of playboy. Myself with four girls, impressive indeed. Still, how come I hadn’t myself a girlfriend at that time. Hard to believe. Rather confusing isn’t it. No. No. Don’t throw those rocks at me. I was just joking. I guess people just can’t take a joke now days. All those involved with the dinner were then called for a brief post mortem and the rest were allowed to go home. I took the first trip on the bus back to Helang. This is the stupid part. When we got back at Helang, I was too in touch with the music on my walkman, I didn’t realize that we had already arrived. I just sat in the bus listening to my music. When I finally realized, the bus had arrived back at the restaurant for its 2nd and final trip. Everyone left at the restaurant then got on the bus. They were surprise to see already on it. To avoid embarrassment, I told them that I got in through the emergency exit at the back. Thank god they believed me. This time I made sure I was aware when we arrived back at Helang.

It was the end of the semester and the holidays had begun. The confirmation of students’ intake for the following was to be announced soon. So I went to meet with the Dean of the Science and The Environment Faculty to follow up on my acceptance into the Math degree. As I went to see him, I was surprise to see that he had a guest with him. Do you know who his guest was? It was my dad. So I crept closer to eaves drop on their conversation. What I heard shocked me. I heard my dad begging the dean to accept me into his faculty. This was the first time I ever saw my dad doing so. He begged and groveled just to have me accepted. I felt small. Like me, my dad too was a proud person. Seeing him down on his knees made me break down inside. It was when I heard the dean’s response that I got mad. He said that there were no vacancies. All the class had been filled up. From where I was standing, I could see that he intentionally played my dad like a fool. He knew that the decision was all up to him so he took advantage of the situation. The dean and my dad knew each other. You could say they were friends. But what kind of friend takes advantage of his fellow peer in such situation. If that is what friends are suppose to do, I wouldn’t mind being friendless. In the end, he said that he’d reconsider it. My dad got up asked again to please enroll me and then left. I quickly hid before my dad could see me.
After he had left, I came barging into the room. At first, I held in my anger and asked him about my enrollment. He then gave me the same excuse. By this time I couldn’t hold in my anger any more. In a harsh tone I said,
“ARE YOU GOING TO ENROLL ME OR NOT!!”
He was startled. He then repeated the same excuse. I couldn’t take it anymore. So I told him to go to Hell. This time he was more than merely surprised. I then told him off. I said to him that he had no right what so ever doing what he did to my dad. In his defense, he said that had considered accepting me due to certain circumstances….. Before he could finish his defense I cut him off. It didn’t matter if he intended to accept me or not still, he had no right doing that to my dad. Just before leaving I told him,
“Remember this. A prayer from those who’d been wronged is always answered. So I pray that you go to Hell”Just before I could exit, he stopped me. He then promised me that he’d make sure I was accepted. I told him that I didn’t care what he wanted to do. He could keep his promise and knew where he could shove it up. I shrugged him away from me and left. I then went straight home. It’s been over four month since I’ve been home the same time as my dad was. I went upstairs to meet him. On bended knees, I asked for his forgiveness. My dad looked surprised. I didn’t tell him that I over heard him earlier. Seeing a father pushing all his pride aside simply for his son made me realize how much my dad really cared about me. He took me in his arms and gave me a big hug. He said to me that there was nothing to be forgiven. Finally, my dad and I were at a truce.

love goes a long way

After the camp, time flew by and it was finals once again. Taking finals this time wasn’t much of a pressure. I’m not sure was it because the ‘breathers’ were easy or because the bunch of us from Helang were taking the same papers together. I remember this one paper week took. It was a week after ‘Malam Terbang Helang’. ‘Malam Terbang Helang’ was an occasion where we’d celebrate the final students from Helang Block. It was a dinner where awards were given out to honour the final year students and to pay tribute to all that they had work and sacrifice for during their time spent at Helang. Again, let’s get back to the main story. I remember clearly the paper we took. It was on the Arab Language. All of us from Helang decided to wear Helang’s official t-shirt. We planned on helping each other during the exams and this thought came up. I don’t remember whose idea it was but I remember him saying, “To be a team, we must act like a team.” So we wore similar T-shirt to seem more like a team. This was a mistake. Try imagining this, a group a people dressed in the same jersey or what ever outfit entering an examination hall together and sitting next to each other. If this doesn’t arouse any suspicion I don’t what will? As you guessed, the examiners kept a close eye on us, leaving us with no opportunity to discuss our answers. After the exam had ended only did we realize that we gave our intentions away by dressing so. We were neither pissed nor angry but thinking about it was rather hilarious. We headed back to Helang with everyone laughing hysterically. A week later our finals were finish and we headed back home.
During the 10 week term break Palam, Midun and I kept in close contact. Our houses weren’t far UPM. This made it easier for us to constantly convene so we could follow up with our results.


Year Two – Making a move


It was the end of the month of May. During the holiday, Palam and many other seniors were selected to be student counselors for the new intake. They were in charge of handling the freshmen during orientation week. I remember Palam always saying the year before that by next year he’d find a junior to his girlfriend. But somehow along the line, his pure intentions went off course and he fell in love with one of his senior. Palam fell for this girl named Shima. Like Palam, Shima too was selected to be a student counselor. Shima was kind of cute. She I could understand what Palam saw in her but like I said to him. Be realistic. She’s got a boyfriend. If her boyfriend was some kind of lowlife or looser I wouldn’t see any fault of him trying but he wasn’t. Her boyfriend came from a rather wealthy family, had good looks, kind, good manners well built and you could say that Palam didn’t stand chance. Still, I respected Palam. Even though he too knew that he was whipped still he was brave enough to try. Unlike others, Palam didn’t run away with his tail between his knees but took the challenge head on. Although beat, you have to admire some one brave or stupid enough which ever, it makes no difference to take a chance. During that time, Berong was also intimate with a girl from Raja Wali. All I have to say about that is if you ever drive a car, make sure the exhaust doesn’t fall down. If you’re reading this Berong, let just say that I’m joking. Please don’t beat me up.

It was now a new term. For those who were of the same batch as I were now entering their second year. Unlike them, I wasn’t so lucky. Although the previous semester I manage to obtain a 3.128 GPA still it wasn’t enough to cover my first semester’s embarrassing grade. In conclusion I flunked out. I was lost. There was no more hope in me. All I could think of was to pack my bags and head off home to find me a job. Thanks to my seniors and a few others friends, I didn’t give up without a fight. They told me that my results weren’t final. They told me that there were procedures that could be taken. Other efforts could be made to change my status. Among those that helped me most were Sekoi and Kak Ina. They too have been in the same situation as I. They told me what to do, where to go and whom to see. So I did as told. They showed me the way but I myself was the only one that could make it happen. It all depended on how badly I wanted to continue studying and what was I going to do about it.
After six weeks going all around campus seeking for my lecturers to upgrade my results, going up and down the administration building appealing my case. I then found my luck lying in the hands of the Dean of Science and The Environment Faculty. After meeting him about a dozen of times and being rejected as many times, finally he said that he would enroll me in his Faculty but, beginning the next semester. It meant that I had to take leave for one semester. Well not exactly taking leave but I was announced a drop out from my previous course and will be given a new start as a Math Major the following semester.

I kept my whole situation from my parents. I didn’t want them to know my status. Still, somehow my dad managed to find out. I then explained to him my whole situation. I told him all about my efforts and its conclusion. Still, they were both disappointed in me. I lost their faith and their trust. Pending on the whole incident, my dad and I got into a huge argument. The fight ended with me being kicked out from home. I don’t blame my dad. It was me that was out of line. Now, I was left homeless. Left with only one place to seek shelter, I headed back under the roofs Helang. The night I was kicked out, I called my mom. She asked me to meet and apologize to my dad so I could come home. I wanted to but I couldn’t. I don’t why? I knew that It was at fault. I knew it was my mistake. I knew what had to be done but I just couldn’t do it. I’m not sure why but most likely it was my ego. I wanted to prove to my dad that I wasn’t the useless son as seemed. I wanted him to know that I wasn’t a complete failure. I wanted to prove to him that I was taught well and I could survive. So, I stayed at Helang to make immense of myself.

I made my living that whole semester by doing odd jobs. I did other peoples assignments and projects. I became a tutor, a translator. I did car washing and waxing. And when ever opportunity presented itself, if there were any labour contracts offered I’d be the first to volunteer. I did about anything and everything. I even did a little of gambling just to meet ends meet. But stealing, NEVER! I earned my money even though not of them came from good sources. I wasn’t proud of what I was doing but when push came to shove it had to be done. There were days that I went starving but I survived. I just convinced myself that it wasn’t much different from fasting. I have also to thank Sawi, Ayam, Cipan, Buluh, Tapir, Belut and a few other seniors. Because from time to time, they were the ones who made sure I had food on the table.
That semester, I hid away from the rest of the collegiate. The only ones I kept contact with were the boys at Helang, Kak Ina, Surya, Iyat and Esah. I avoided most of the college’s activities. There were only two activities that I took place in. The first was BAKSIS II and the second was MAK II. BAKSIS II was a community service preformed by Kebajikan at an orphanage somewhere in Kuala Selangor. It was held on the weekend as the convocation for the newly graduates. A couple of days before BAKSIS II was held, all the participants were asked to help paint the banner. It’s been months since I last left Helang to do any social activity. I then decided what the heck. Why not? So I went to join those involved. As I was heading there, I received a huge surprise. Not far from my destination, a voice called to me. I looked to see who it was. Oh boy, just right out of the blue. It was Ana.

“Gb, long time no see. So how are you doing?” she asked.
“Yeah, it has been a while. Well, I’m fine how ‘bout you?” I responded.
“Also fine. So how come I haven’t seen you in class for some time. What subjects are you taking this semester?”
That was amongst the dreadful questions that I feared. That’s one of the reason I barely left Helang. So I did what any embarrassed drop out would do. I answered with a little white lie. To think of it, a lie is still a lie. But anyways I said,
“I guess because I’m taking different subjects this semester. You know how it goes. You have to pass certain requirements to take certain subjects. I guess it’s just tough luck for me.”
“Ok then. I’ve got go now. Surya is probably waiting for me. I have to take care of these orders of flowers for the upcoming convocation. Nice to see you again”
“Oh, ok. See you around then”

Ana then left with Surya. As they left, Surya saw me and waved goodbye. Seeing Ana was a sight for sore eyes. Time and distant does make a person seem lovelier with every encounter. After hearing Comport was already steady with Siti, I thought why not make a move. This was the chance I’ve been waiting for. Wait a minute. Ana leaving with Surya? When did they befriend each other? I seem to be missing pieces of the puzzle. This was something I was going to find out. I then went to take a glance at them. This time, not only was she with Surya but Comport too was with her. From the way Ana smiled. How her eyes glared, focusing only on him like there was nothing else in this world, I knew something was wrong. I didn’t know Comport well enough to read his reactions but I could certainly read Ana’s. She seemed like child opening her eyes and seeing the world for the very first time. Like kid opening her birthday present and just can’t wait to see what surprise awaited her. She looked like someone in love. I was in doubt. I was really confused. Were the rumors about Comport and Siti true? Whether Comport and Ana were still together I didn’t know. What I did know was at that moment her eyes were for Comport alone. How come this keeps on happening to me? I’m always too little too late.

I must get her out my head. Remember, keep focus. I kept reminding myself. I then continued my walk to …. Where was it again? Oh yeah, to paint a banner. By the time I got there, Sekoi, Kak Lin and about a dozen of participants were already painting. I picked a brush, sat beside Sekoi and then started painting. By now Sekoi and I had became friends. After the incident between us, Sekoi and I seemed to hit it off. What incident? Well, it went like this. About a month ago, Second’s annual Family week was held. As usual, havoc took control over Helang. Screaming shouting and laughing filled the air of Helang. Sawi, Tapir, Cipan, Buluh and a few other Helang seniors were throwing water bombs at anyone that passed within range. At first, I was an innocent bystander. I just watched. Sawi saw me just standing there and asked me to join them. So I did. I took some bombs and threw them at everyone. I was now hiding behind the wooden bars that were just in front of the first floor toilet. I was quietly waiting for a victim. Suddenly Sawi screamed out loud.
“Gb, drop a bomb right now!!”
So I dropped a bomb straight down below. SPLASH!! I heard my bomb hit a target. A few seconds later some one yelled out.
“WHICH F**K DID THAT”
Everyone scattered into the nearest room. It was Sekoi that got hit. Soon after getting soaked, Sekoi came rampaging up to Sawi’s room. He glared at everyone in the room and demanded to know who the perpetrator was. Tapir then slowly talked Sekoi into letting him handle the situation. Sekoi then left, kicking every garbage bin there was in sight and stomped straight to his room. He slammed the door and locked it shut tight. Everyone in the room then turned their eyes at me.
“What are you guys looking at?” I asked.
You must understand this. At the time, I didn’t know it was my bomb that hit him. I didn’t aim but just dropped it. It wasn’t after being enlighten by Sawi on the situation did I realize that I was the guilty party. Oh boy, I’m in deep shit. I waited till later that night to meet with Sekoi. I then apologized and explained the whole thing to him. It wasn’t my intention. It was simply damned luck. Thank willing that Sekoi was a forgiving person. From that moment on Sekoi and I began to form the bond of friendship. Well that’s the story how our friendship began to bloom. Quite funny isn’t? How some things just turn out.
As we painted, we chatted. We talked and talked as our hands did the work. It’s not often that we get the chance to simply sit together and just to hang out. I remember that there was this junior there. As everyone else was talking, laughing and joking around while she sat quietly painting the banner. I have this thing. To me, if you want to be alone, go somewhere private but if you’re hanging around a bunch of your friends then try being part of group. Join them. This girl just seemed to keep to herself. I then confronted her. I asked for her name. She replied with a simple Hana. Luckily it wasn’t A_ _. Just joking. I then asked her why she kept quiet. Why wasn’t she enjoying herself like everyone else. She didn’t answer. After asking a few more times finally she replied that she wasn’t in the mood or something like that. Her answer wasn’t satisfying enough. So I decided to start bugging her. I started rambling to her on how important it is to join the crowd. I advised her on making friends. I told her that the world doesn’t evolve around her alone. On and on I went rambling relentlessly. It came to a point where I was like a 24 hour radio station that you just couldn’t turn off. Even everyone else around me started to get annoyed. I didn’t pay much attention to them. The only thing on my mind was to brainwash this girl to become more of a people person. By the time we finished painting the banner and started heading back to our blocks I could see signs of relief on everyone’s faces. They seemed grateful to finally get away from me. I don’t blame them. From time to time, I too get irritated from myself.
Anyway, that Saturday we were on our way to Tunku Rahimah’s Orphanage if my memory serves me correctly. If not, just sue me. Early that Saturday morning, we left heading towards our destination by bus. When we got there, the orphans were rallied up. The orphans staying there were between the ages of 3 to 16 years old. Most of them were still in grade school. Our module was to spend some time with the kids so we could learn more about them. Although all of us came to the orphanage together but, each of us had our own agenda. Some of us came here to make a difference in these kids life. Some of us came simply for experience but not me. You could even say that my intention was rather selfish. I didn’t plan on making a difference or a change in other people’s life. I joined this activity simply as reminder. As a wake up call.
What do I mean? Well, let me see if can explain it. Let’s start off by me saying, I’m only human. There are times when I take things in my life for granted. When things don’t go my way I’d convince myself that I was the most unlucky person in the world. I’d see only the bad in my life forgetting all the good. Everybody has problems. But when I visit such places, I learn to be thankful for what I have. I still have parents, both my hands and legs. It takes seeing somebody more unfortunate than me to make me realize. If you ask me, I have the up most respect for these kids. They manage to live their lives even with out the reassurance of their homes. If you’re wondering the reason I join Kebajikan it wasn’t because I wanted to save the world or to make it a better place. It wasn’t because I wanted to help people. It was to help myself. I wanted to remind myself that the world doesn’t evolve around me. I wanted to learn more about myself. I wanted to find the real me. It was because I wanted to be a better me. For better or worse, it made me the man I am today. It’s up to you to decide.
Later that evening, on our way back to UPM I spent most of my time on the bus just thinking. I mostly thought about the basic ‘What ifs’. You know, for example; What if I was born a millionaire? What if I did this instead of that? What if I went the other way? Like I said earlier, What if? When arrived back at UPM around dusk. I rested for while then took a shower. I then head to Bukit Expo for the Convocation Carnival. It wasn’t because I wanted to go to the carnival that much but I just felt like going for a walk. I wanted to clear my thoughts. So I went alone. I didn’t pay much attention to the people around me. I’m sorry if I didn’t address any of you but I wasn’t trying to be stuck up. I just wasn’t aware of your presence. It was like my mind was somewhere else. About an hour and a half later I headed back to my room. Just before I was able to leave Bukit Expo, I crossed paths with the other participants of BAKSIS II. They were just on the way to the carnival. Only then did I know that they discussed and decided meet and to leave for the carnival together. If I’m not mistaken, they planned it while we were on our way back from orphanage. I not knowing about it wouldn’t be much of surprise. Like I said earlier, I had things on my mind.

love goes a long way

I don’t remember what song Merpati did but I remember Enggang’s Video Clip as clear as the sun shining on a perfect day. They did the song Hero by Mariah Carey. I remember it because Ana was in the video clip. I could recognize her elegant dance anywhere. Like I said, that was the last I saw of her for the year.

About a month later, after the month of Ramadhan had ended and the fasting month came to an end, I heard news that Comport was going steady with Siti. So I figured, that what ever there was between Ana and Comport must’ve ended. I wasn’t fond of Comport and lost contact with Ana, so I was left with only my assumption. I figured that the only thing I could do was to get on with my life.
I would attend classes with Palam and spend most of the nights with Ciput. Ciput always seemed to come up with these crazy ideas to spend our nights. We’d come up with all kind of scheme to enlighten our lives.
Who’s Ciput? Oh, I forgot to introduce him to you guys. Who is Ciput……. Hmmm……. Lets see…… Okay , I got it. I’ve known Ciput since Matriculation. During our first semester in Matriculation, Ciput and I were classmate. Everyone else would rush to get front row seats during class but Ciput and I were different. We’d come to class fashionably late. And by the time we got there, we’d sit ourselves as for as possible from the lecturer. It was so we’d be able to avoid direct contact and it also gave us the freedom to joke around during class. The only time we couldn’t fool around was during math. Puan Zarina our lecture, kept a close eye on the both of us. She’d constantly call us in front of the class and test us to see if we were paying attention or not. They were ups and downs. If we answered a question wrongly, we’d received one heck of yelling right on the spot but if we were right, we’d be so proud that our nose would be so far up in the air it blocked our whole view. But math wasn’t much of a problem for us because we enjoyed it. Having a lecturer like Puan Zarina made the whole thing more challenging. And the thing was, we couldn’t resist a good challenge. By the second semester of matriculation, Ciput and I became dorm mates. During the second semester of matriculation, the construction of the new Matriculation Residential College was finished. All matriculation students were forced to move there. Ciput, I and a few other friends registered a dorm for the whole bunch us. It was easier being room mates with people we already knew compared to total strangers. Other changes were also made. Not only was the residence, but during the same semester all our classes were rearranged. They arranged it according to GPA. The students with high GPA’s were assigned in one class the one with low GPA’s were assigned in another. You could probably guess, Ciput and I were assigned to the idiot’s class. It sounds harsh but true. We acknowledged our stupidity. We’re not proud of it but we don’t deny it. That semester, most our class had new lecturers. You could say almost all but the exemption of one, our math class. They must’ve thought that Puan Zarina was able to educate our slow minds. Well, I guess they were right. Puan Zarina played a major role in upbringing our educational standards. By the end of that semester, most of our CGPA’s were as good and some even better than the students from the smart class. I guess you can roughly imagine how Ali (that’s me) met Ciput.
Let us return to our main story. Where were we again?? Let me see….. Oh yeah, now I remember. Ciput and I would plan out some crazy scheme to fulfill our nights. We’d go to KLIA (Kuala Lumpur International Airport) at 4 a.m. just for the fun it. We’d get on Ciput’s motorbike and with money enough only for gas we’d head off towards where our hearts desired. Sometimes we’d just play basketball from midnight to dawn. With Ciput around, there was never a dull moment.
Just before the end of our first year, Kebajikan held another activity. This time it was an outing. The board of directors decided to have a sort of camp/picnic to bring the members of Kebajikan closer as a family. For this activity, Sekoi was elected as the director. Sekoi was one of my senior in Helang. During the time we were only acquaintances. Not yet friends but Sekoi and I were getting there. How we became friends later on is a different story. I tell you later. I remember being in charge of provisions. Kak Ina, Surya and I were given the responsibility.
I forgot to mention to you about the close friends I made during the whole year. Among them were Surya, Kak Ina, Iyat, Liza, Esah, Rina. I met them during my first semester while participating in our family day choir. The five of them were my senior, but Kak Ina was the only one older then me. The rest of them were of my age. I recognize them because they were close friends or more like younger sisters to a Helang Super Senior named Sawi. I remember my first encounter with them wasn’t rather pleasant. I was using a pc in the J.P (Jaringan Perdana) our college’s computer lab. As I was surfing the net, Iyat and Surya came in. Iyat came beside me and said,
“Boy, help me type this list for me.”
I was busing surfing at time. I couldn’t care less so I told her,
“Find someone else to do your dirty job. I’m busy”
“How dare you? Just wait!!” she replied.

What could she do? Beat me up? I don’t think so. I then continued to surf unaware that something bad was going to happen. As I surfed, a sudden tap on the shoulder startled me. As I turned to speak my mind, but to my surprise it was Sawi. The Super Senior of my block. He looked down on me with his eyes staring straight at me. He seemed angry. With a serious look he said,
“You’d better do what my sis tells you to or you’ll get it!!! UNDERSTAND!!”
“Yes Sir!! I’m sorry Sir!! I won’t do it again Sir!”
So I took the pieces of paper from her and begin to type.
“I told you so”, said Iyat with a rather sarcastic voice.
“Yeah? Just shut up.” I replied angrily. I then continued to type.
From there began an unexpected yet beautiful friendship between me and the five of them. After many encounters later we were now friends.

So being assigned to duty with Surya and Kak Ina made my job easier. I knew them and they knew me. It made us easier to communicate with one another. A week before the outing took place. As I was loitering around Helang when Sekoi saw me. He then asked me to accompany him as he was going to submit the paperwork for the outing at the HEP (student affairs) to be approved. I then followed him. When arrived at the HEP, Sekoi went in to present the paperwork. I stood just outside of the room doing nothing. Only a few minutes in there, I could hear the officer in charge complaining about the activity. He had plenty to comment on. Just then Sekoi came out of the room and searched his backpack that was beside me for a piece of paper and a pen. He looked at me and just shook his head in despair and went back in. About a half an hour later we were heading back to Helang. Sekoi seemed like he had a bit of a head ache but managed to smile. I’m not sure why he was smiling but for some unknown reason when thinking it over, the whole thing seemed kind of hilarious to him. This was when I began to respect him. Even though just after going through some rough spots with his activity still he managed to put on a smile.
About a week a later the activity was approved and we were on our way to Sungai Congkak for Kebajikan’s Intimacy Camp. Sungai Congkak is a recreational park that was built along Congkak River. It was a nice place not that far away from the city but with the comfort and advantage of a nature friendly environment. That Saturday morning, we planned to begin our journey to Sungai Congkak by half past seven but due to the delay of our transportation, we left about a quarter to nine. It took us about forty-five minutes to arrive at the entrance. From there it was a one kilometer hike to our destination. By ten fifteen everyone was ready to begin our activity. As usual, to initiate our activity we began with an ice breaking session. Everyone introduced themselves and soon after we were assigned into small groups. The whole day was spent with many fun activities. Among them were group binding, treasure hunt and many types of games. Later that evening, around 4 o’clock we were released to do anything before our bus arrived. That gave us an hour to take a dip in the river. Without wasting any of our time we got suited and I had a blast.
It was five o’clock and all of us were back at the main entrance waiting for the bus to take us back. Like promised we waited for it arrived. We waited and waited and waited. Like a bunch of fools we did. It was now a few minutes into six o’clock and the bus still didn’t arrive. All of us were bummed. As I was sitting beside Sekoi, Kak Ina approached us. She then sat right between me and Sekoi. Don’t try getting any funny ideas. I meant beside the both of us, got it! Ok, let’s continue. Before Kak Ina arrived, Sekoi and I were getting to know more about each other. To my surprise we had many common interests. Not only that but we had a few similar experiences that we seem to be able to share with one another. Back to when Kak Ina arrived. During that time, Kak Ina and I weren’t really close. We’ve talked a few times but that was about it. Among the other girls that I was actually friends with were Surya, Esah, Iyat, Liza. Probably because they were the same age as I, it made it easier for me to talk to them. Kak Ina then asked me about my studies. Ashamed of my last semester’s result, I answered with a simple Ok. Tell me this, would you be proud of a 0.687 GPA? Then we began talking about other stuffs. We talked about our hobbies, interests, music, family and also our experience. The three of us were so into the conversation, we didn’t realize that it was already 7.30 p.m. and the bus had arrived. We then got on the bus and headed back to our college. This was the first time I actually had a real conversation with Kak Ina. I liked it. She was nice and easy to talk to.

love goes a long way

Year One – When eyes first met


“HELANG! HELANG! HELANG!” from the top of my lungs I shouted, as I exited The Ababil Park fully dressed in a formal matter. The Ababil Park was a small garden situated in the center of Helang’s residential block. Helang block was well known through out the whole of UPM (Putra University of Malaysia). It had a reputation of being one of the most violent residential blocks here. It wasn’t much of a surprise seeing that it was also referred as Hell. Oh, yeah…. I almost forgot.
Let me see…….. Its been two years since my SPM and I was currently beginning my degree in Computer and Communication Engineering. After a year taking a matriculation course, I was now an undergraduate. Finally I was starting to put my life in order. Since the lost of my kind, precious and loving best friend I’ve gone astray for a while but, that was in the past (I tried to convince myself that it was) and I was going to move on.
It’s been three weeks since I enrolled in my degree course. And orientation week had ended. Finally, this meant no more late night delivery services which we freshmen had to provide, no more humiliating tasks and no more pain nor agony. After the closing dinner that night, we freshmen were finally acknowledged as members of the Helang society. Every freshman, including myself was just recently thrown in to the pond that was situated at the middle of Ababil Park. Moments after the dinner had ended, a few freshmen were told to throw another freshman into the pond. One by one, one after the other we were thrown in. The night seemed so alive. Everyone began getting involved. People running, waters splashing and even water bombs were flying all over the place. Everything was just so chaotic.
Two weeks prior to orientation week, everything went from frantic to static. Nothing much would happen. My daily routine was to simply wake up, attend to class, return to my room, watch t.v and then back to sleep. Well, about the part where I attended to classes.….. It’s partially true. I did attend classes but, only if I was a wake. So, I guess that justifies my attendance for classes that begins before noon. And for classes that I did attend, it was no different. If I wasn’t late, I’d probably be too drowsy to actually pay any attention to the lecture. You could even say that I never left my room. Maybe not never, but hardly ever. Why would I have to? Everything I needed was already in my room. What do I mean?? Well, I shared the room with one of my matriculation dorm mate, Midun. Midun practically made our room as if he was at home. He brought a personal laptop, a hi-fi, a 21” colour t.v and other accessories. So I had all the comfort of home, right there in my room. The only time I would leave my room was to get a bite to eat. So you can say I didn’t mingle much. I even heard complaints saying I was snobbish and such. But who cared. As long as I was comfortable with my lifestyle, everything else didn’t matter to me. It wasn’t until our family day did I realize how important and worthwhile it was getting to know the other residents.
By the fourth week of the semester, our midterm exams had begun. During the same week, the residential college that I was staying in, which was known as ‘Second’ (Second’s residential College) was having their ‘family day’ or to be more accurate, ‘family week’. This family week was a whole week full with various types of competitions between four groups. Members of each group are combinations of residents from different floors of different residential blocks. Besides Helang, there are four other residential blocks, Raja Udang, Raja Wali, Merpati and Enggang. Helang and Raja Udang residential block are for male gender and Merpati, Raja Wali and Enggang were for the girls. So for an example, residents from first floor Helang, second floor RajaWali, ground floor Enggang, top floor Raja Udang and ground floor Merpati would combine to make one group. And the other groups were like so on. Each group was then given a distinctive name. Each group obtained their name by random selection accordingly to the theme given. In these groups, it was our responsibilities as a member to design our own mascot, flags and create cheers to support our group. It was all to prepare for the upcoming competitions that were to take place. Among the events and competitions held were choir, drama, treasure hunt indoor and outdoor games and also a cooking contest. Through out the entire week, from dusk to dawn we’d rehearse and train for each event. I remember this rather clearly. I spent every night for the entire week trying to get our choir and nasyid into order. It was during this hour was that I met a girl, her name was Intan. I remember this because of her hair. It was kind of weird looking. It looked like that she had recently been caught up in some kind of a storm. It was a case of the worst bad hair day that I had ever seen. I also remember spending an entire night taking turns to put together a one thousand piece jigsaw puzzles. When we weren’t assembling the puzzle, we were at the gym peeling onions. By the end of the week, the closing ceremony was held. Winners of each event were awarded prizes such as medals and hampers. Just before the ceremony came to an end, the total score for each group was rallied and the winner was announced. That marked the end of our family week. By the time it was over everyone was drop dead tired. But nevertheless, it was worth the fun. Besides having fun, we were able to get acquainted with other residents especially girls. Some of the residents even lived up to the true intentions of the ‘family week’, starting a family of their own. Those were the lucky ones…….. What??? Wrong intentions??? Come on… We’re only human… And as human, we too need somebody to simply accompany us.
So anyway, life goes on. So did our exams. If you ask me, I don’t think that I even studied for my midterms. All that I’m sure of was that they’ve came and left. Life then went back to normal. Well, as normal as it could possibly get. For the rest of the term, our college held no other big events. Only activities organized by each Secretariat were held. To escape a life of boredom, I enrolled myself into one of the many secretariats there. That secretariat was the Secretariat of charitable trust, or known to us here simply as ‘Kebajikan’. Kebajikan was one of the most active secretariat/organization in Second. Each year, Kebajikan would organize various activities. Among them were fundraisers, outings, community services, annual dinners, an award ceremony and much more. As I joined Kebajikan, it was organizing a community service act. Like every other activity held, for this event the secretariat’s board of directors had elected a director, assistant directors, secretaries and a treasurer or in other words a committee to run this event. The member of this committee then would elect its workforce.
This year, they decide on giving their service to a children’s ward in Hospital Besar Kuala Lumpur (HBKL). I wasn’t able to participate in this activity due to some circumstances. Having heard the experience from those who had participated left me in a state of envy. I then decided to make sure that I would take part in what ever upcoming program Kebajkan was going to organize. A couple of months later, Kebajikan organized another function. Its first annual dinner was going to be held, MAK (Malam Anugerah Kebajikan). Before I get into MAK, I would like to add another activity that went on. It was Helang’s annual festival or simply known as Helang fest. It was similar to Second’s family week but it was between floors only in Helang. It was rather exciting. Seeing that there were no girls made the whole events more fun. It left us with no boundaries. If you ask me, I enjoyed Helang fest much more then Second’s family. We had a karaoke competition. Everyone of us took a chance to enlighten the crowd with our vocal talents. I’m not sure why I didn’t win. Hmm…… I have wonderful singing voice. If you don’t believe me, why don’t ask, ………. Wait, how about ………hmmmph. How about asking myself. Well, if you are asking me, I’d have to agree with my statement earlier. I do believe I have a soothing voice. No! No! Stop throwing those rocks at me. I was just joking. Ok, let’s get back to MAK. The dinner was to honour and award those who had given full commitment to Kebajikan. Preparations were made and every member had their own responsibility to be done. Three days before the function, all those who were involved got together to paint the banner for the function. That night at Kenyalang Hall, we devised the banner. It was also the very night I met her.
She had brown eyes, a moderate tanned yet fair complexion, soft gentle hands and a smile so innocent. Dressed simply in a long sleeved t-shirt and a pair of track bottoms with her bathroom slippers on, still she seemed kind of cute. Right beside me she sat, as we started to paint the banner. From time to time I would sneak a glimpse of her. This is a bit of an embarrassment to me but this is what happened. You could call me yellow you wish to but It wasn’t me who made the first move. It was her.

As I was painting she acknowledged me,
“So how did you do in your C programming exam?”
“C program? How did you know I was taking C?” I asked feeling rather baffled.
“You’re GB, right? Well, I’ve seen you around, in class.” She replied.

In class??? What??? She was my classmate??
“You’re taking C also? So what engineering course are you taking?” asking her in anticipate.
“Same as you, Computer and Communications”

Oh, no wonder. Not only was she was my classmate but also my course mate. So as we painted we also began to chat. At the stroke of midnight, we stated o part and went separate ways back to our own rooms. Noryusuhana… a rather sweet name I thought.
On my way back to my room, a senior of mine stopped me. This senior of mine was known as Comport. Comport was the same age and batch as me but he was a senior by circumstance. Comport and I wasn’t what you would refer as friends. We were more on the lines of feuding acquaintances. You could say I pretty much hated his guts at the time. Since orientation week he’s been on my back relentlessly, constantly bugging and pestering me. Every time I pass in front of his room or even just by him, he would have some disturbing remarks for me. It was quite a surprise when he stopped me. At first I thought it was to say some kind of witty remark but I was mistaken. He asked me for the name of the girl that I was talking to. So I told him that her name was Ana and she was my course mate. Comport then smiled at rushed back to his room. I was confused. What just happened?
The following day, a meeting was held. This was a great opportunity for me to get to know Ana a little more. This time the agenda was to find volunteers to perform on stage during the dinner. They planned on putting on a traditional dance. Dancing is something that I’m into, but a traditional dance wasn’t what you would call one of my strong points. It was more a feminine type of dance. Seeming that there weren’t any volunteers, forced labour was to be held. So I quickly hid away. I snuck out of the room to get away from being selected. I stopped at the convenience store to buy myself a drink. By the time I got back in the room, the involuntary volunteers were selected. Among them were Ana and Comport. After testing out their talents, Ana and Comport were assigned as dancing partners. At the moment I didn’t think much of them dancing together. I had the night planned out. I planned to make my move at the very opportunity as it presents itself. I was going to confront her after they finished rehearsing. As I waited, I watched. From what I could see, Ana seemed to be a great dancer. The way she danced was astonishing. She danced gracefully to the sound of the music. She had rhythm. As she danced, she smiled. She smiled not because entertained by the music but her smiled was meant for her partner, her dancing partner. Comport and her were joking around, laughing and seemed to be having a good time. But nevertheless I made up my mind and I was going to face her. So I waited and waited and waited. As the time arrived, just as they finished rehearsing I began to approach her. As I was about to approach her, Comport appeared right in front of me. He then brought Ana aside so he could have a private conversation with her. What just happened?? For the second time in the past few days I asked myself. I was puzzled. The night ended without any opportunity for me to confront her. The next couple of days were kind of hectic. A lot of unfinished preparations had to be taken care of, leaving me with no chance to confront her.
Days had passed and it was now the eve of the annual dinner. I was in charge of security, so I was at the location earlier than the rest. I had some duty to attend to. Time does fly quickly. By the time I was done with my duties, it was already a quarter past nine, and the dinner had begun. I got seated at my table and began to consume (not the table but my meal). A major disappointment fell upon me that night. As everyone else was watching the performances and awards, my eyes were fixed on Ana with Comport by her side. They were enjoying each other’s company. I was in gloom. They seemed very intimate. It was as if they were an item. That night came to an end with me losing all hope. Yet, although left devastated still I wished the best for them. Who am I to stand in the way of what seemed to be the act of cupid taking place.
Not long after, the semester had come to an end. And it was time for the holidays. During that holiday, I found myself a part time job to earn some cash. Beside of my job, nothing interesting really happened. Five weeks later, it was the beginning of a new semester. As the results for last semester came out, I was numbed. I got an A and B for a couple of subjects but besides that, everything else was in red. Oh my god. My parents were going literally kill me if they knew what I got, so I didn’t tell them. At first I felt a bit down but thanks to my seniors a bit of hope was left. They gave me guidance on what to do. They showed me which elective subject (‘breathers’) to take to raise my CGPA. As I was hunting for ‘breathers’, I found out that I wasn’t the only one with academic troubles but also most of the engineer juniors in Helang were too. Besides my own 0.687 CGPA, the rest of their CGPA varied from 0.687 to 1.9. Although I was far from proud with my result, still I felt kind of relieved knowing I had company. So the bunch of us went hunting together. After registration week was over, our studies continued.
A few weeks into the semester, another major activity was going to be held. Second was organizing its annual open day, or best put as open week. This open week was a bit like carnival. For the whole week, each secretariat opened their own stall to pull in some income for their secretariat. Not only that but beginning at nightfall, inter-block competitions were held. Among them were essay writing, debate, a video clip competition, and the inter-block sanitation competition. As usual, Helang opened a burger stall. Our stall did quite successfully. It wasn’t because our burgers were outstandingly delicious but because of our good looking chefs there. Not to blow my own horn but I was one them (Give me a break. Who else is gonna admire me if not myself). Something that I saw during that week puzzled me. I saw Comport starting to spend time with this girl from Rajawali. Her name was Siti. What had happened between him and Ana?
That week I asked around to find out about Ana and Comport’s current status. Besides everyone referring Ana as AnaComport there were no news about them. It was like their once blooming relationship suddenly disappeared. Their trail seemed to vanish into thin air. What really had happened between them nobody really knew. Where was Ana? I haven’t her for quite some time. Seeing that all the subjects I took were from various faculties, I hadn’t a single class with Ana. You could say that I lost total contact with her. The last time I saw her was when she was performing in the inter-Block Video Clip Competition during the open week.
I remember the Video Clip competition distinctively. Raja Udang preformed a Video Clip following the song off the Soundtrack Titanic, My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. RajaWali did a Video Clip off of a Smashing Pumpkin Album. Helang did a Video Clip of this local group, Senario. The song was entitled, Adik Pandang-Pandang. It was a comic song. This was the Scenery for our Video Clip. Two girls (Boys dressed up like girls) waiting at a bus stop. As they waited, two groups of guys saw them. They then decided to pick them up. One group was street hoodlums and the other group was a group of businessmen. During the entire song these two groups battled to see who gets the girl. During the Video Clip, we had some technical problems. The bus stop we built fell down during the competition. It fell onto the head of the two girls. But like they say, the show must go on. So it did. Both girls had one hand up to support the bus stop from falling during the rest of the Video Clip. The ending to our Video Clip was rather unique. At the end of the song, the girls’ boyfriends came on to the stage on their motorbikes. The girls then ran to hug their boyfriends. As the video clip ends they then get on the bikes and leave. The only thing was, the girls were the ones in the driver seat while their boyfriend sitting behind as passengers. It ended with everyone on and off the stage looking rather confused.