love goes a long way

After the camp, time flew by and it was finals once again. Taking finals this time wasn’t much of a pressure. I’m not sure was it because the ‘breathers’ were easy or because the bunch of us from Helang were taking the same papers together. I remember this one paper week took. It was a week after ‘Malam Terbang Helang’. ‘Malam Terbang Helang’ was an occasion where we’d celebrate the final students from Helang Block. It was a dinner where awards were given out to honour the final year students and to pay tribute to all that they had work and sacrifice for during their time spent at Helang. Again, let’s get back to the main story. I remember clearly the paper we took. It was on the Arab Language. All of us from Helang decided to wear Helang’s official t-shirt. We planned on helping each other during the exams and this thought came up. I don’t remember whose idea it was but I remember him saying, “To be a team, we must act like a team.” So we wore similar T-shirt to seem more like a team. This was a mistake. Try imagining this, a group a people dressed in the same jersey or what ever outfit entering an examination hall together and sitting next to each other. If this doesn’t arouse any suspicion I don’t what will? As you guessed, the examiners kept a close eye on us, leaving us with no opportunity to discuss our answers. After the exam had ended only did we realize that we gave our intentions away by dressing so. We were neither pissed nor angry but thinking about it was rather hilarious. We headed back to Helang with everyone laughing hysterically. A week later our finals were finish and we headed back home.
During the 10 week term break Palam, Midun and I kept in close contact. Our houses weren’t far UPM. This made it easier for us to constantly convene so we could follow up with our results.


Year Two – Making a move


It was the end of the month of May. During the holiday, Palam and many other seniors were selected to be student counselors for the new intake. They were in charge of handling the freshmen during orientation week. I remember Palam always saying the year before that by next year he’d find a junior to his girlfriend. But somehow along the line, his pure intentions went off course and he fell in love with one of his senior. Palam fell for this girl named Shima. Like Palam, Shima too was selected to be a student counselor. Shima was kind of cute. She I could understand what Palam saw in her but like I said to him. Be realistic. She’s got a boyfriend. If her boyfriend was some kind of lowlife or looser I wouldn’t see any fault of him trying but he wasn’t. Her boyfriend came from a rather wealthy family, had good looks, kind, good manners well built and you could say that Palam didn’t stand chance. Still, I respected Palam. Even though he too knew that he was whipped still he was brave enough to try. Unlike others, Palam didn’t run away with his tail between his knees but took the challenge head on. Although beat, you have to admire some one brave or stupid enough which ever, it makes no difference to take a chance. During that time, Berong was also intimate with a girl from Raja Wali. All I have to say about that is if you ever drive a car, make sure the exhaust doesn’t fall down. If you’re reading this Berong, let just say that I’m joking. Please don’t beat me up.

It was now a new term. For those who were of the same batch as I were now entering their second year. Unlike them, I wasn’t so lucky. Although the previous semester I manage to obtain a 3.128 GPA still it wasn’t enough to cover my first semester’s embarrassing grade. In conclusion I flunked out. I was lost. There was no more hope in me. All I could think of was to pack my bags and head off home to find me a job. Thanks to my seniors and a few others friends, I didn’t give up without a fight. They told me that my results weren’t final. They told me that there were procedures that could be taken. Other efforts could be made to change my status. Among those that helped me most were Sekoi and Kak Ina. They too have been in the same situation as I. They told me what to do, where to go and whom to see. So I did as told. They showed me the way but I myself was the only one that could make it happen. It all depended on how badly I wanted to continue studying and what was I going to do about it.
After six weeks going all around campus seeking for my lecturers to upgrade my results, going up and down the administration building appealing my case. I then found my luck lying in the hands of the Dean of Science and The Environment Faculty. After meeting him about a dozen of times and being rejected as many times, finally he said that he would enroll me in his Faculty but, beginning the next semester. It meant that I had to take leave for one semester. Well not exactly taking leave but I was announced a drop out from my previous course and will be given a new start as a Math Major the following semester.

I kept my whole situation from my parents. I didn’t want them to know my status. Still, somehow my dad managed to find out. I then explained to him my whole situation. I told him all about my efforts and its conclusion. Still, they were both disappointed in me. I lost their faith and their trust. Pending on the whole incident, my dad and I got into a huge argument. The fight ended with me being kicked out from home. I don’t blame my dad. It was me that was out of line. Now, I was left homeless. Left with only one place to seek shelter, I headed back under the roofs Helang. The night I was kicked out, I called my mom. She asked me to meet and apologize to my dad so I could come home. I wanted to but I couldn’t. I don’t why? I knew that It was at fault. I knew it was my mistake. I knew what had to be done but I just couldn’t do it. I’m not sure why but most likely it was my ego. I wanted to prove to my dad that I wasn’t the useless son as seemed. I wanted him to know that I wasn’t a complete failure. I wanted to prove to him that I was taught well and I could survive. So, I stayed at Helang to make immense of myself.

I made my living that whole semester by doing odd jobs. I did other peoples assignments and projects. I became a tutor, a translator. I did car washing and waxing. And when ever opportunity presented itself, if there were any labour contracts offered I’d be the first to volunteer. I did about anything and everything. I even did a little of gambling just to meet ends meet. But stealing, NEVER! I earned my money even though not of them came from good sources. I wasn’t proud of what I was doing but when push came to shove it had to be done. There were days that I went starving but I survived. I just convinced myself that it wasn’t much different from fasting. I have also to thank Sawi, Ayam, Cipan, Buluh, Tapir, Belut and a few other seniors. Because from time to time, they were the ones who made sure I had food on the table.
That semester, I hid away from the rest of the collegiate. The only ones I kept contact with were the boys at Helang, Kak Ina, Surya, Iyat and Esah. I avoided most of the college’s activities. There were only two activities that I took place in. The first was BAKSIS II and the second was MAK II. BAKSIS II was a community service preformed by Kebajikan at an orphanage somewhere in Kuala Selangor. It was held on the weekend as the convocation for the newly graduates. A couple of days before BAKSIS II was held, all the participants were asked to help paint the banner. It’s been months since I last left Helang to do any social activity. I then decided what the heck. Why not? So I went to join those involved. As I was heading there, I received a huge surprise. Not far from my destination, a voice called to me. I looked to see who it was. Oh boy, just right out of the blue. It was Ana.

“Gb, long time no see. So how are you doing?” she asked.
“Yeah, it has been a while. Well, I’m fine how ‘bout you?” I responded.
“Also fine. So how come I haven’t seen you in class for some time. What subjects are you taking this semester?”
That was amongst the dreadful questions that I feared. That’s one of the reason I barely left Helang. So I did what any embarrassed drop out would do. I answered with a little white lie. To think of it, a lie is still a lie. But anyways I said,
“I guess because I’m taking different subjects this semester. You know how it goes. You have to pass certain requirements to take certain subjects. I guess it’s just tough luck for me.”
“Ok then. I’ve got go now. Surya is probably waiting for me. I have to take care of these orders of flowers for the upcoming convocation. Nice to see you again”
“Oh, ok. See you around then”

Ana then left with Surya. As they left, Surya saw me and waved goodbye. Seeing Ana was a sight for sore eyes. Time and distant does make a person seem lovelier with every encounter. After hearing Comport was already steady with Siti, I thought why not make a move. This was the chance I’ve been waiting for. Wait a minute. Ana leaving with Surya? When did they befriend each other? I seem to be missing pieces of the puzzle. This was something I was going to find out. I then went to take a glance at them. This time, not only was she with Surya but Comport too was with her. From the way Ana smiled. How her eyes glared, focusing only on him like there was nothing else in this world, I knew something was wrong. I didn’t know Comport well enough to read his reactions but I could certainly read Ana’s. She seemed like child opening her eyes and seeing the world for the very first time. Like kid opening her birthday present and just can’t wait to see what surprise awaited her. She looked like someone in love. I was in doubt. I was really confused. Were the rumors about Comport and Siti true? Whether Comport and Ana were still together I didn’t know. What I did know was at that moment her eyes were for Comport alone. How come this keeps on happening to me? I’m always too little too late.

I must get her out my head. Remember, keep focus. I kept reminding myself. I then continued my walk to …. Where was it again? Oh yeah, to paint a banner. By the time I got there, Sekoi, Kak Lin and about a dozen of participants were already painting. I picked a brush, sat beside Sekoi and then started painting. By now Sekoi and I had became friends. After the incident between us, Sekoi and I seemed to hit it off. What incident? Well, it went like this. About a month ago, Second’s annual Family week was held. As usual, havoc took control over Helang. Screaming shouting and laughing filled the air of Helang. Sawi, Tapir, Cipan, Buluh and a few other Helang seniors were throwing water bombs at anyone that passed within range. At first, I was an innocent bystander. I just watched. Sawi saw me just standing there and asked me to join them. So I did. I took some bombs and threw them at everyone. I was now hiding behind the wooden bars that were just in front of the first floor toilet. I was quietly waiting for a victim. Suddenly Sawi screamed out loud.
“Gb, drop a bomb right now!!”
So I dropped a bomb straight down below. SPLASH!! I heard my bomb hit a target. A few seconds later some one yelled out.
“WHICH F**K DID THAT”
Everyone scattered into the nearest room. It was Sekoi that got hit. Soon after getting soaked, Sekoi came rampaging up to Sawi’s room. He glared at everyone in the room and demanded to know who the perpetrator was. Tapir then slowly talked Sekoi into letting him handle the situation. Sekoi then left, kicking every garbage bin there was in sight and stomped straight to his room. He slammed the door and locked it shut tight. Everyone in the room then turned their eyes at me.
“What are you guys looking at?” I asked.
You must understand this. At the time, I didn’t know it was my bomb that hit him. I didn’t aim but just dropped it. It wasn’t after being enlighten by Sawi on the situation did I realize that I was the guilty party. Oh boy, I’m in deep shit. I waited till later that night to meet with Sekoi. I then apologized and explained the whole thing to him. It wasn’t my intention. It was simply damned luck. Thank willing that Sekoi was a forgiving person. From that moment on Sekoi and I began to form the bond of friendship. Well that’s the story how our friendship began to bloom. Quite funny isn’t? How some things just turn out.
As we painted, we chatted. We talked and talked as our hands did the work. It’s not often that we get the chance to simply sit together and just to hang out. I remember that there was this junior there. As everyone else was talking, laughing and joking around while she sat quietly painting the banner. I have this thing. To me, if you want to be alone, go somewhere private but if you’re hanging around a bunch of your friends then try being part of group. Join them. This girl just seemed to keep to herself. I then confronted her. I asked for her name. She replied with a simple Hana. Luckily it wasn’t A_ _. Just joking. I then asked her why she kept quiet. Why wasn’t she enjoying herself like everyone else. She didn’t answer. After asking a few more times finally she replied that she wasn’t in the mood or something like that. Her answer wasn’t satisfying enough. So I decided to start bugging her. I started rambling to her on how important it is to join the crowd. I advised her on making friends. I told her that the world doesn’t evolve around her alone. On and on I went rambling relentlessly. It came to a point where I was like a 24 hour radio station that you just couldn’t turn off. Even everyone else around me started to get annoyed. I didn’t pay much attention to them. The only thing on my mind was to brainwash this girl to become more of a people person. By the time we finished painting the banner and started heading back to our blocks I could see signs of relief on everyone’s faces. They seemed grateful to finally get away from me. I don’t blame them. From time to time, I too get irritated from myself.
Anyway, that Saturday we were on our way to Tunku Rahimah’s Orphanage if my memory serves me correctly. If not, just sue me. Early that Saturday morning, we left heading towards our destination by bus. When we got there, the orphans were rallied up. The orphans staying there were between the ages of 3 to 16 years old. Most of them were still in grade school. Our module was to spend some time with the kids so we could learn more about them. Although all of us came to the orphanage together but, each of us had our own agenda. Some of us came here to make a difference in these kids life. Some of us came simply for experience but not me. You could even say that my intention was rather selfish. I didn’t plan on making a difference or a change in other people’s life. I joined this activity simply as reminder. As a wake up call.
What do I mean? Well, let me see if can explain it. Let’s start off by me saying, I’m only human. There are times when I take things in my life for granted. When things don’t go my way I’d convince myself that I was the most unlucky person in the world. I’d see only the bad in my life forgetting all the good. Everybody has problems. But when I visit such places, I learn to be thankful for what I have. I still have parents, both my hands and legs. It takes seeing somebody more unfortunate than me to make me realize. If you ask me, I have the up most respect for these kids. They manage to live their lives even with out the reassurance of their homes. If you’re wondering the reason I join Kebajikan it wasn’t because I wanted to save the world or to make it a better place. It wasn’t because I wanted to help people. It was to help myself. I wanted to remind myself that the world doesn’t evolve around me. I wanted to learn more about myself. I wanted to find the real me. It was because I wanted to be a better me. For better or worse, it made me the man I am today. It’s up to you to decide.
Later that evening, on our way back to UPM I spent most of my time on the bus just thinking. I mostly thought about the basic ‘What ifs’. You know, for example; What if I was born a millionaire? What if I did this instead of that? What if I went the other way? Like I said earlier, What if? When arrived back at UPM around dusk. I rested for while then took a shower. I then head to Bukit Expo for the Convocation Carnival. It wasn’t because I wanted to go to the carnival that much but I just felt like going for a walk. I wanted to clear my thoughts. So I went alone. I didn’t pay much attention to the people around me. I’m sorry if I didn’t address any of you but I wasn’t trying to be stuck up. I just wasn’t aware of your presence. It was like my mind was somewhere else. About an hour and a half later I headed back to my room. Just before I was able to leave Bukit Expo, I crossed paths with the other participants of BAKSIS II. They were just on the way to the carnival. Only then did I know that they discussed and decided meet and to leave for the carnival together. If I’m not mistaken, they planned it while we were on our way back from orphanage. I not knowing about it wouldn’t be much of surprise. Like I said earlier, I had things on my mind.